AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Alas! What a fate yours is! The corpse unceremoniously bleeding on the ground and stinking up the alleyway is none other than yours. It is an embarrassment to be slain by a mere Level 1 Criminal - "Mugger", but as an even merer Level 1 Citizen - "Everyman", there was little you could do. If only you had gotten that promotion at work, you might have been a Level 2 Citizen - "Careerguy", but such was not the case. The Mugger simply helps himself to your hard earned cheddar, and there seems to be little you can do...

But all is not lost! It begins to dawn on you that, despite looking at your own dead corpse, you are still here! Your thirst for REVENGE and VENGEANCE has led to you to become a GHOST! You are able to remain on this mortal plane for just long enough to TEACH THIS CRIMINAL A LESSON. A lesson about MURDER. And why he SHOULDN'T DO IT. Because his victim might become a GHOST. And then HAUNT HIM. MERCILESSLY.

You quickly glance at your surroundings. You are in a TERRIBLE ALLEYWAY. In front of you is a MUGGER and a FRESH CORPSE. The MUGGER is wearing a STUPID RED CAP and a BASIC CRIMEGUY UNIFORM. Just behind you is a DUMPSTER and a PROBABLY DEAD CAT. The MUGGER appears not to notice you. You do not have an inventory because you are a GHOST, and ghosts don't have time for that shit.

What do you do?

LICK the PROBABLY DEAD CAT.

If that fails, use your GHOSTLY POWERS to CHUCK PROBABLY DEAD CAT at the nearest PERSON.

You attempt to lick the PROBABLY DEAD CAT, but find yourself unable to interact with it in any meaningful way! It turns out that as a Level 1 Ghost - "Bruce Willis" you are only able to interact with WEIRD-booty KIDS and THINGS THAT ARE RED FOR SOME REASON. The PROBABLY DEAD CAT is gray and green in the parts where it is the most probably-dead.

Eat the dead cat's soul! We have to power up!

set his STUPID RED CAP on fire with your ghost magic that you clearly have.

You are, indeed, in a position where you must level up some! However, a mere BRUCE WILLIS does not have the power necessary to devour souls whole. Only a Level 9 Ghost - "Wraith" has such a powerful ability!



Tragically, you do not yet have the ability to light things on fire. Not yet, anyway. You are, however, able to make his hat move a little bit. This startles him just slightly. Not much, but enough for it to count as a MINOR SPOOK, granting you some exp!

You are now a Level 2 Ghost - "Napkin Ghost"! You are now able to interact with physical objects! You are, however, now also very small. And visible. And made out of a napkin and also a rubber band.

The MUGGER, upon seeing you, is startled once again, again counting as a MINOR SPOOK! Sadly, thanks to diminishing returns, it is not enough for you to level again. The MUGGER quickly leaves the alleyway, not wanting to deal with small, floating napkin things. You decide that you can't really blame him for that, but you still cannot forgive him for your own murder.

You follow him into another alleyway, where you find him robbing another Level 1 Citizen - "Everyman"! It looks like someone might be about to meet the same fate as you!

Let it happen, make a new ghost friend, go on ghost adventures together.

Do that, but while he's doing the deed, try lifting his hat off of him to prepare a distraction.

use your spookyness to scare a witness into the alley to make the mugger back off

Tempting as that sounds, you worry that having two ghosts in the same place would make things confusing. Also, as you are a NAPKIN GHOST, the EVERYMAN can see you, meaning that there's a fair chance his REVENGE and IRE would be turned towards you. You'd rather not have that, honestly. One ghosting at a time.



You are no longer able to use GHOSTLY POWERS to levitate his hat, since you are no longer a BRUCE WILLIS and thus your affinity with THINGS THAT ARE RED FOR SOME REASON is no more. However, as a floating napkin ghost, you are able to kinda... nudge his hat a little bit. Using your self.

You are unable to lift his hat, though, and the sensation causes the MUGGER to scratch the back of his head. You just barely avoid his deadly fingernails! You are not quite sure what happens to a NAPKIN GHOST that is destroyed, since they are already dead, but you assume it isn't pleasant.



Thinking quickly, you dash back out into the street to scare a random pedestrian into the alleyway. Luckily, there happens to be a Level 2 Civilian - "Careerguy" happily passing by! You dash out in front of him and try to spook him by just kinda... being there. Napkining.

The man, who apparently did not believe in ghosts until just now, PANICS because NAPKINS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO FLOAT AROUND ON THEIR OWN LIKE THAT UNLESS IT IS WINDY AND ALTHOUGH IT WAS WINDY YESTERDAY IT IS NOT WINDY TODAY. This counts as a MODERATE SPOOK, which, even with the diminishing returns from your recent MINOR SPOOKS, is enough for you to level up once more! You are now a Level 3 Ghost- "Poltergeist"! Though you no longer have any sort of physical form, you can manipulate small objects (regardless of their color) and even create some noises!

Seeing the napkin disappear was the last straw for the poor CAREERGUY, and he runs terrified into the alley. He spots the criminal just in time to see the poor EVERYMAN get shot to death! It appears as though the EVERYMAN is much more forgiving than you, as he does not become a ghost.

"Hey! That's illegal!" the CAREERGUY yells, and he runs forward to engage the MUGGER. As everyone knows, a simple MUGGER has no chance against a CAREERGUY. It, at first, appears as though your vengeance has already arrived!

However, the MUGGER suddenly starts to glow, and LEVELS UP from his murder! He becomes a Level 2 Criminal - "Highwayman"! He is rewarded with a flowing scarf, a small mask, and a dazzling rapier! Before the CAREERGUY has a chance to reasses the situation, he is stabbed with the rapier thirty-seven times, and dies an inglorious death.

The HIGHWAYMAN promptly jumps into the street, as a dim alleyway is no place for a high-class HIGHWAYMAN. He clearly intends to rob some cars! It is a normal job for a HIGHWAYMAN, but it is still fairly dangerous. Perhaps you could use that to your advantage!

tug on his flowing scarf a bit as he goes. Maybe try to lead him to a particular car for proper spooking.

Wait, I wanna hear this highwayman's story first, maybe society put him in this position.

I'm just saying that once we finish haunting this highwayman, we gotta go after those who pushed the criminal life onto him.

move traffic cones to stop cars from reaching him, starving the highwayman of his preferred prey

Obviously, the HIGHWAYMAN become a HIGHWAYMAN because he accumulated enough CRIME EXP POINTS to rank up! And obviously he became a criminal in the first place by gathering enough CRIME FEATS as an EVERYMAN to prestige and switch classes!

As you already know all of this, you wonder why you even decided to dwell on it. Truly, it was an enormous waste of time.



You quickly float/fly/ghost/whatever-it-is-poltergeists-do-when-they-move after the HIGHWAYMAN. His flowing scarf might be a week point! If you could grab it, you could slow him down, or perhaps even strangle him!

The HIGHWAYMAN leaps into the street, landing directly on the roof of a passing car. "Stand and deliver!" he bellows, as he plunges his rapier through the sunroof. As the car begins to slide out of control, he deftly reaches in to take any and all valuables and leaps to the next car to repeat the process. He must be gaining loads of CRIME EXP POINTS at this rate! You'll have to move quickly before he gets even more powerful!

You poltergeist the shit out of his scarf, causing him to lose his balance mid-jump and fall into the road. He lands flat on his face, which counts as a MINOR GHOSTLY VENGEANCE, granting you a significant amount of exp! Not enough to level up again, but hey, more exp is always nice.



Thinking quickly, you poltergeist-up some convenient nearby traffic clones, and block off the entire street! The nearby cars all skid to a halt, just as you planned. It would have been a very good plan, if it didn't mean all nearby cars were now stationary, ready to be pillaged by the HIGHWAYMAN.

Before you even have time to react, the HIGHWAYMAN, no longer hampered by their speed, pillages all nearby cars in the blink of an eye! He begins to glow, and LEVELS UP. He is now a Level 3 Criminal - "Lowlife Thug". Armed with a BLACKJACK in one hand and a LEAD PIPE in the other, a LOWLIFE THUG has some similarities to a MUGGER. However, they are much larger, much tougher, and can take extraordinary amounts of punishment whilst also giving any nearby foes the beating of a lifetime.

His recent robbing victims, all EVERYMANs and CAREERGUYs with the occasional level 3 citizen - "BUSINESSMAN", begin to step out of their vehicles. Had their assailant still been a HIGHWAYMAN, they could have taken him down with no issue, but a LOWLIFE THUG is a challenge for even a mob of their size.

As you would expect, a KERFUFFLE begins to break out. Unfortunately for you, the LOWLIFE THUG is holding his own, having already taken down several EVERYMANs and even a CAREERGUY. You'd best act fast if you want to end his crime spree!

Rip the pipe out of his hand and spook him by trying to hit him with it. Doing damage isn't the goal, rather you're trying to get his attention and scare him, possibly allowing a victim to escape or get an upperhand.