AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Cranzibald:

You hear Princess Emilia's voice squeal with delight in your head.

"Ooh! Ooh! Name it Blue Harvest! Or Green Slasher! Or....."

As unnerved as you are at this, you decide to ignore the princess' voice. You're pretty sure you don't want to use any of the suggestions she has, anyway.

Ogresbane



Goblinshank



Sharkslayer

(We're gonna move along while Kamak picks a name.)

Emilia:

You exit the armory, holding your staff, and excitedly head towards your private chambers. You're really looking forward to trying on your new clothes and accessories, as most girls your age tend to. Oh man oh man oh man you can't wait, you almost feel like skipping. Oh, what the heck, you're the princess, you do what you want! You start skipping and giggling as Sir Cranzibore plods behind you. He seems preoccupied with that sword he picked up in the armory. You wonder what he's thinking about? Oh wait, you don't care, you've got clothes to try on!

Walking through various corridors and past the several fountains that line your castle, you arrive at your chambers. You quickly open the door and snatch the leather armor from Cranzibald. "No peeking~", you say coyly, then shut and lock the door behind you. Inside, your master bedroom awaits. A large bed rests on the right side of the room, alongside a wooden writing desk and an entrance that leads to your closet. On the wall behind the desk hangs a map of the Four Kingdoms. Your bookshelf, containing your beautiful handwritten Princess Fics, rests at the far end of the room. You've nearly filled the whole shelf, and you're not even done with the second act yet! Where on Earth are you going to find more space once this bookshelf is stuffed full? Oh, well. You guess you should be thankful that your source material has given you a lot to work with. The left side of the room has a wash basin and another entrance leading to your bathroom.

You take a step forward and feel something brush against your shoe. Hm? What's this? It looks like someone slipped a letter under your door. That's odd... You have a private box for your personal mail. When did your mail boy start delivering it here? More importantly, how strict are you going to make his punishment once you find him?!? You rub your temples and pick up the letter. Huh, no return address. You set the letter on the desk and put your new armor and staff on your bed.

What will you do now?

>Strip elegantly.

Sir Cranzibald considers the options carefully, and then notices the name etched into the blade by its craftsman.



What a terrible name for a sword, but it'll have to do.

The Princess heads back to her quarters and makes a joke about how you shouldn't peek at her when she's at her most vulnerable. As she enters her room, you have to choke back the bile that worked its way to your throat at the thought of her naked. many men before were scarred by that sight when she "accidentally" wandered around after a royal bath. The cakes they received on their birthdays mentioning that they're her "#1 favorite pervert" only caused traumatic flashbacks to those moments.

But honestly though, who would willingly peek in on someone like her? There's nothing even remotely appealing about her besides her bloodline.

((But how did the letter get delivered with Cranzibald keeping watch?))

(Maybe it was delivered before he and Emilia got there. Anyway....)



Emilia:

OK, that remark you made to Cranzibald earlier was purely meant in jest. You know he wouldn't actually try and sneak a peek in at you. It's just funny seeing him cringe when you bring it up. Anyway, ignoring the voice in your head just this once, you quickly and awkwardly undress, then put on the leather armor, which includes a vest, pants, fingerless gloves, and knee-length boots. It's nice and comfortable, and after examining yourself in the mirror at the wash basin, you must say, it looks pretty darn good on you. Let's see Green just TRY and top this! You're bringing your A-game this time!

You step into your closet and look for a suitable outfit to wear over the armor. Why, hello, there! A lovely blue sun dress hangs on a rack to greet you! Sure, it's a bit out of season, but it's so pretty, and you haven't worn it in a while. Plus, you'll need the element of surprise if you're going toe-to-toe against Princess Poopface. Being well-prepared in the art of fashion is just as crucial as being prepared in verbal wit when confronting such a formidable foe.

You suppose you should read this letter while you're here. You hope it's not a letter saying you've overdrawn from the Royal Treasury again...... Oh thank goodness, it's.....it's not even legible!!! Aside from a few places here and there, the whole letter is a smudged, unreadable mess! From what you can make out, the letter reads as such:

-- D-a- Princess Emilia,

I k--w i- -- --t -y p-a-e to -ell you t---, but I ---- -o-f--s thi- in --r k--g---'- mo--nt of gr-a-e-t ---d: I --ve --en -- lo-- wi-- --u sin-- w- --rst m-t. Y-u wer- ta---d -- Hordegar the Wise -- se-- o-t --ue --ve when --- ---e bec--- - princess w-rt-- -- Azuria, -n- -- a pure soul, a-d to -se you- -o-- -- sa-- -- -ll. I ---iev- that your memories --- ex--------- ---- Princess Green, ---, --- ------ hav- --d -o- to -ec--e the p--e-t ---- -- the Four Kingdoms. -- y-- f-e- -or -- -- -ny wa- t-e --- I f--- --- --u, all-- -- to as---t you -- re----ng Azuria ---m t--- d-----ss. --low -- t- -e -he -o-e that you n--- -ot o--y -- s-v- -ou- pe----, b-t to ----ort and --ide -ou --r --e -e-t of --ur --fe. - -a-erly aw--t -o-r re-po-se.

Yours Sincerely,


What the heck is this supposed to mean?!? You're so confused! OK, just focus, Emilia. There's parts of the letter you can make out. Maybe you can pinpoint something in the letter to examine.

What part of the letter do you want to examine?

I'd like to buy a vowel: an O

Also the start is totally: To dear Princess Emilia, I know it is not my place to tell you this but blablabla get the Captain in it, especially the part about Green

Long ago the 4 kingdoms were in harmony.

Until the Fire Nation attacked.

Oh, I should mention! If you think you've figured out something potentially plot crucial written in the letter which may or may not even be there, please DON'T share with the rest of the class AT ALL. Not even spoiler tags. NOTHING. If you absolutely have to know if you're right, PM me and I'll probably be a sly dog about it.

((Man, I hope there's not any "limey-speak" in this with extra e's and u's.))

>"but I blah blahs this in our kingdom's moment of greatest need"
>"You were blahd by Hordegar the Wise to seek out Blue Dove when you have become a princess worthy of Azuria, and of a pure soul, and to use your blah bla blah bla blah."
>"I eagerly await your blah."

Princess, show it to Captain Cranky and see what he thinks about it!

(I'm loving this so much, by the way.)

(I'm super dumb and forgot to write the stats for the leather armor.)

Defense +2
Mobility +3
Princess Happiness +2
Fashion +2
Attractiveness +3
Cranzibald Uncomfortableness +3



Oh yeah, his name is in there, isn't it? You wonder what your old teacher has to do with anything happening to you lately. Nowadays you just go see him weekly to catch up and have him give you your horoscope. You didn't particularly like his reading for this week, and when that happens, you start thinking it's all a bunch of hooey. Anyway, you should probably go see him about this letter before heading off to Green's. Though you have to admit, you aren't really looking forward to stopping by his decrepit cottage. He keeps a lot of unnerving little baubles in his hut, and you always end up with a headache after a conversation with the craz-YOU MEAN eccentric old man. And yet you keep coming back week after week. Those horoscopes are so darn enticing when they go your way!



Pure soul? What the heck? You really don't understand what that means..... Or do you? Could it possibly mean....? You look back at the map over your desk. Of course! You're such a genius!

Azuria, while under the reign of Papa and Mama, was known as a pure and wise kingdom. Everything Papa did was for the good of the country, and generation after generation of Azurian royals made new and astounding contributions to your kingdom's court system. Azuria's judicial system became so popular that the other kingdoms adopted similar laws and statutes for themselves. That is, of course, after the war ended.

You try and remember what exactly happened in the War of the Four Kingdoms. You recall that it started when you were pretty young, perhaps nine or ten years old, and it lasted a long time. Mama used to tell you stories about how there used to be only two kingdoms, Azuria and Verdenia, and they...oh gosh....lived in harmony? She said that yours and Green's kingdoms are ancient, spanning hundreds of years of peace. Then, during Papa's career as king, the kingdom of Rossodin arrived. They were an enormous kingdom, so you've been told, much larger than Azuria and even Verdenia. But they were a conquering nation, and declared war on the two ancient kingdoms. The beginnings of the war were tragic for Azuria and Verdenia, as Rossodin possessed superior military tactics and weaponry. You remember it being so bad that there were times when you weren't allowed to leave the castle, for fear of invading Rossodinians. Then, a break in the war happened around your twelfth birthday. A huge faction of Rossodinians, nearly half the entire nation, in fact, called for the war to end, and when they received no indication of this outcome happening, they seceded and became a new kingdom, Gelbedia. With a new and powerful ally to assist the two kingdoms, the tide of the war quickly changed. You think that this was around the time that Sir Crankypants was captured and brought to Azuria as well. However, Verdenia wished to provide full military support to Gelbedia and eliminate the entire kingdom of Rossodin, something Papa refused to agree to. He suggested that Rossodin be allowed to reside in the mountains to the north, which had been previously unclaimed territory, which Rossodin was willing to agree to. This led to much tension between Verdenia and Azuria, and eventually caused another shift in the war and an uneasy alliance between Azuria and Rossodin on one side and Verdenia and Gelbedia on the other. Then, when you were fourteen, the war between the kingdoms just....stopped? Was that what happened? And then.....Papa and Mama died? UGH, WHY CAN'T YOU REMEMBER. ALSO YOU'RE SUPER SAD AGAIN. AND CRYING.

You calm down and wash the tears off your face at the wash basin. Oh, that tears it. Green's really going to get it this time. If she thinks she can make you forget about what happened to your parents, then she's got another thing coming!



There! Right there! That proves it! It says it right there, in writing and everything! "your memories --- ex--------- ---- Princess Green" It's in black and white right in front of your face, so it must be true! Green DID steal your memories! You knew it all along! You admit, you're not sure what "ex---------" means, but the letter probably said something like "your memories have been EXtracted from your mind by that witch Princess Green". You're more determined than ever for this journey now! You grab two bags for supplies, a large one for Cranzibald and a smaller one for you, take your staff and the letter, and fling open your chamber doors....nearly hitting Cranzibald.



(Aww, thank you!)

You figure this will give him something intelligent to do while you travel. You give the letter and the large bag to the Captain and ask him to try and figure it out. He looks at it with a puzzled expression for a minute and then puts it away in his bag. Way to go, Cranzy. Way to go.

You'll need a few supplies before you go, so what should you pack?

>Take some writing materials just in case you're struck by the most godly idea for a story while you're on your journey.
>Also, some cupcakes to give to angry rabble.

Enough of this, we must seek out Blue Dove, the magician thief of Azuria, to find out what he (or she) has to do with all of this.

boner level: moist vagoo

Cranzibald awaits the princess' return as one awaits the tide going over their head. He looks over his gear and his sword, making sure everything is in order down to the intricate stitching. So long as nothing on his person surprises him, it'll be hard for anything to take advantage of him.

Suddenly the door opened in front of him, and he caught it with his hand before it hit him. The princess begins to apologize, but she gives herself too much credit (as always). A simpleton like her couldn't begin to sneak up on him.

Perhaps this thought would sound a bit cocky if anyone were to come across it, but Cranzibald was well aware of his limitations and comfortable with his skills. He knew when he could win and when the odds were against him. It's what helped gain him the title of "The Demon in Red" during the war, and what made him such a prized catch for Azuria.

The princess shoved a bag and a letter at him, and he complied by carrying it, though his lips got a bit tight. It was always a struggle to remain silent in moments like these, but his sense of honor always overruled his desire to lecture his current "Lady".

So, it seems she's really going through with this. Wonderful. Well, the sooner the two of them head out, the better. Hopefully she'll get whatever else she needs quickly.

And may the Lords Above have mercy is she decides to spend half her preparation on make up and this new generation's fixation on flakes of mica. I think the vapid harlots at the local pub call it "glitter".