AWKWARD ZOMBIE

No the booby trap will be used on the safe once it turns out the safe is the true villain.

I don't know. I've got my eye on that MOP.

You mean the sharpened infinite-java-mop-lin

You mean the sharpened infinite-java-broom-lin?

shaddup

s'the same thing..

You attempt to make your clothing into a parachute using your stapler. It doesn't work, though, as your clothing is way too heavy to work effectively. You end up wasting a bunch of time removing the stables from your clothing.

You're really good making the best of what could be your last moments.



You briefly consider going nude, but you figure you are going to need all the protection you can get in your situation, so you put your clothes back on.



Although that would be characteristically pointless, you have no way to attach your gun to the mop, or anything else, for that matter. Too bad.



You suddenly have an AMAZING idea! You use your MAKESHIFT CRIMSON GLASS DAGGER to sharpen the end of your BROOM and then poison the tip to make:

POISONED BROOM JAVELIN

If there's one thing your good at, it's pointlessly wasting time while acting like an idiot. You're pretty good at improvised weaponry too, though.



You cannot get ye flask.



You concentrate really hard and attempt to grow mutton chops. It works as well as you would expect. That is, WONDERFULLY.

Nah, just kidding, of course it doesn't work.



You didn't have the good sense to steal that janitor's clothing, so you just equip the mop and hope that will be good enough. You head on down to the next floor.

The next floor is just another straight hallway. There are a few doors to each side, and a door at the opposite end that probably leads to more stairs.

INVENTORY:
INFINITY REVOLVER, BUSINESS CARD, BLOODIED LINT, BROKEN GLASS, STAPLER, EXPENSIVE PEN, DICTIONARY, SAFE, SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET, CARD KEY, SCRAMBILONI'S CLOTHING, JANITOR'S KEYS, MAKESHIFT CRIMSON GLASS DAGGER, VARIOUS SNACKS (10), SOAPY WATER, CHAIR, ELECTRIC GUITAR, PLANT, MOP, BLEACHED RAT POISON, POISONED BROOM JAVELIN

Alphabetize your inventory.

Cough.

INVENTORY:

- BLEACHED RAT POISON
- BLOODIED LINT
- BROKEN GLASS
- BUSINESS CARD
- CARD KEY
- CHAIR
- DICTIONARY
- ELECTRIC GUITAR
- EXPENSIVE PEN
- INFINITY REVOLVER
- JANITOR'S KEYS
- MAKESHIFT CRIMSON GLASS DAGGER
- MOP
- PLANT
- POISONED BROOM JAVELIN
- SAFE
- SCRAMBILONI'S CLOTHING
- SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET
- SOAPY WATER
- STAPLER
- VARIOUS SNACKS (10)

Equip Scramblioni's Clothing.

Maybe he'll think you're Scrambiloni.

Now that I think about it...What happened to the name tag?

Look into all the rooms on the side walls.

Do a little dance.

If you encounter an enemy, DANCE OFF.

Lock yourself in the safe.

You will be invincible.


Or, you know, inspect the room nearest you.

Equip ELECTRIC GUITAR.

ROCK OUT.

You spend a good 5-10 minutes just rummaging around your inventory to try and get everything alphabetized. Why you waste your time with all these pointless tasks you'll never know.



You equip SCRAMBILONI'S CLOTHES and put your TRILBY-ESQUE CLOTHES in your inventory, even though you look nothing like the guy. Maybe, if you're lucky, you'll find a guy who only recognizes people by their clothing or something. It's pretty much the only way this disguise will work, unless you meet someone who has never met Scrambiloni.


You try and look through the glass on all the doors on the sides of the hall. You can't really see through the glass, as it's very thick and blurry. The doors were all locked anyway.



You decide to do kind of a little dance. Just because you feel like it. You figure that, since you're probably going to die anyway, you may as well get your groove on while you can.



You decide to seal yourself away in your safe. The thing looks pretty tough, after all! There's no way the "Professor" or whatever is going to be able to get you when you in there!

Unfortunately, you discover you can't fit. Looks like you're just going to have to die like man.




You take out your ELECTRIC GUITAR and start playing some sick beats, man! Or, at least, you attempt do. You never learned how to play guitar. It doesn't sound very good. At all. You begin to wonder if there's anything your good at.


Since all the other doors are locked, you go ahead and inspect the door on the opposite side of the hall from the door you entered. Just as you approach the door opens.

"Hello, BASTARD," a familiar voice says while cracking his knuckles, "Remember ME?"

You look up a little bit and see the face of Ol' George, who seems to have acquired an eye-patch for some reason. Oh right, it's because you tore his eye open with a piece of glass. You hope he isn't still mad about that.




You do an amazing combination of all sorts of dances. There's a little bit of the twist, a little bit a waltz, and you even have some Cotton-Eyed Joe in there somewhere where. You finish you dance and gesture toward Ol' George to let him know it's his turn. He opens with the classic "Grab your competitor by the throat and lift him off the ground", followed by the every popular "Slam your competitor against the wall a few times than glare at him real closely in the face while holding him off the ground/

Yeah, he's still mad.

"Now, youse listen to me, ASSHOLE. The about to happen to you ain't going to pretty. Unless you like blood. And guts. And violence. Lots and LOTS of violence. Anything you wanna say before get all DEAD?"

CONVERSATION START!

(gigoergong, once a clothing-type item is equipped, it disappears from the inventory. That's way there isn't an UDDER PICTURE in the inventory and the TRILBY-ESQUE CLOTHES haven't been there until now. There's a good chance I've forgotten about this unwritten rule, like all the times I forget to write inventory item names in all caps, but I forget a lot of things.)