AWKWARD ZOMBIE

You are one of the greatest thieves of all time! Media and law enforcement alike are baffled by how you manage to pull off your daring heists and clever crimes! Or, at least, they will be. You actually haven't pulled any "heists" yet. You have, however, done some other stuff, like that time you found that 10 dollar bill on the floor and then took it. You didn't even look to see if the guy who dropped it was still around. Or that time you went to eat at a restaurant and then paid your bill before leaving but didn't tip! However, even though you committed those heinous crimes, you really haven't "stolen" anything yet. You're pretty sure the police don't even have a warrant for your arrest. However, that all changes TODAY.

You are in the process of committing your first real heist! The safe you are planning to rob is only a few feet away, and no one is guarding it! It's all smooth sailing from here! You can see it now. By tomorrow, wanted posters with your face and name on them will be plastered on every corner. Written in big bold letters will be... ehm...

... What was your name again?

(I know people keep making adventures and then giving up on them a few posts later, and you guys are probably very tired of them by now, but I've been wanting to do this for MONTHS. I will make sure to try and keep every post interesting and update often.

Also, since the title for this adventure kind of sucks, you can suggest a better title if you want.)

Maximillian Gaylord Finkelmeier the 4th

"But goddamn it, I told you to call me M.G. Fink!"

His name shall be GOFF

Zoosmell Pooplord

I have a terrible feeling that all of the names suggested thus far are references and I'm just not getting any of them (except Zoosmell Pooplord).

Mine wasn't.

I just tried to think of the most incredibly inappropriate name for a male criminal. I played with the idea of using a girl's name, but then I changed my mind, and went with something that sounded like a very snooty spoiled rich child.

goff is a cool name and you should use it because it is so

Tina.

John Filcher

Oh yeah, it was Maximillian Gaylord Finkelmeier IV. Not that I had forgotten or anything I was just... testing you... yeah...

ANYWAY, despite how ridiculous your name sounds, you kind of like it, since you can also call yourself M.G. Fink depending on the situation. You figure that your current crime is more M.G. Fink-ish. Maximillian Gaylord Finkelmeier IV would sounds more like a mob boss or evil scientist, while M.G. Fink sounds like some sort of really smooth cat burglar.

Now where was I...? Oh yes. You are currently only a mere few feet from your goal, a safe that, no doubt, holds millions of dollars worth of loot. In your pockets you have your trusty INFINITY REVOLVER, a BUSINESS CARD, and some POCKET LINT.

What do you do?

Inspect the business card.

You take a look at your BUSINESS CARD. It used to belong to a plumber or something, but you used some white-out and made it your own. It says "Maximillian Gaylord Finkelmeier IV/M.G. Fink: Criminal". You figured it would be a completely idiotic idea to put your own phone number there, so you left the old one. Unfortunately, since you only have one, you are saving it for when you REALLY need to give someone a business card for some reason.

It's probably the second or third worst idea you've ever had.

Inspect the safe and find out what kind of lock it has. (If it's digital or traditional.)

You can't. You are currently hanging from the side of the building about 20 stories off the ground and the safe is just inside the window you are hanging on to. And the window's locked. You don't even remember how you managed to get up there.

Did I forget to mention that?

Break the window and store some glass shards in your inventory.


Try not to cut yourself.