AWKWARD ZOMBIE

What would it be like?

This is a serious question of the utmost seriousness and I suggest you take it seriously.

Anyways I'll start off with ACME:

"Hello, this is ACME Customer Support. Yes, we realize our products are non-functional and harmful to the user. We don't give a shit. If you buy from us after this then we are positive you probably don't deserve better products. Fuck you."

Sarif Industries - You Asked For This.

No I don't remember asking for this

Cave Johnson here, and thanks for calling the Aperture Science customer service line. We don't know how you got the number, given that none of our products have made it out of beta testing yet, but rest assured that your problem will be attended to by one of our many dedicated employees, assuming they aren't currently testing something themselves.
If you are calling about missing astronauts, missing celebrities, missing $60, or missing loved ones, you're barking up the wrong tree.

GenSec (Payday 2): "Yes, this is GenSec customer support, helping you improve your safety"
"Yes, about that, you see, a group of Heisters came in wearing Clown Masks. They managed to break into the vault which I bought from your company and when your private fucking army showed they were unable to even touch the fuckers. About 100 of your men came in and they all got gunned down, and caused so much fucking property damage that we can't fucking pay for it all, which is why I demand a full re-"
*Click*
"Jerry, send all available units to this Bank, kill everyone and get some new management in there"

"Hello, and thanks for calling the Hyperion Help Hotline! If you are an employee wondering where there check is, please redirect yourself to your mail box located in the closed off "employee break center", Hyperion is not liable for your own space suit. If you are a bandit wishing to tell use how stupid we are, please press 1, and our heavily armed GUN loaders will arrive shortly to give you a burrito. If you are a citizen asking about the wonderful life you can have in Opportunity, we are sad to announce that due to the foreman being killed by bandit scum, work on Opportunity has been postponed indefinitely. If you are a dissatisfied customer, we apologize once more, as we are unable to offer you a refund on your clearly malfunctioning weapon that our workers will most likely get killed for. Thank you for calling, good bye!"

*The Pokeball Company whose name escapes me*
"Sorry scalpers bought all of the Masterballs. What the one kid who got one? That was a charity thing."

Pokélock Industries: "We're sorry, but our patented door locks have an unsolvable issue in which children are somehow able to bypass the locking mechanism. We recommend you try installing the door on the north wall of your house."

Thank you for calling the Black Mesa customer service. We are aware that your neighborhood has been taken over by aggressive aliens that zombify people. Our technicians are currently working on that. If the problem persists after 10-20 years, please feel free to call again. We apologize for the inconvenience.

This is the Koopa Troop Customer Service Automatic Computer. Our employees can not help you as they are in another building.