AWKWARD ZOMBIE

At least there isn't any "fan dis-service" in it.

I found the newer ones funnier

Okay guys, I've got news.

Chris has been back on his facebook for two weeks now. However roughly 95% of his messages are friend-only and he only accepts friend requests from people he knows already.

Fortunately, we have expert hackers on hand who discovered what he was hiding.

-We know what his favorite MLP episode is.
-Chris is going insane with self-loathing.
-Chris used to think that he was immensely attractive because Barb told him so. He wants to know why a woman didn't fall into his lap when he started looking for one.
-Chris knows that he'll be a thirty year old virgin in a few weeks. Mid-rant he reveals that he knows when his parents lost their virginity (Barb in high school, Bob when he was 27).
-Chris is trying to get back with Jackie. Jackie Saga v3 inbound.
-Chris is back to using the attraction sign again. He's wearing a necklace that says "IF YOU LIKE ME PLEASE TELL ME".
-He used the sign at the mall. A black security guard came up and told him to rotate the chair he was in so it faced another direction. Chris ignored him. A white female security guard showed up and told him to move. In Chris's own words "BTW Janekop "threatened" to get the manajerk LOL". Chris relocated to another part of the mall before anything else could happen.
-Chris hates all forms of lawn enforcement now.
-Chris got caught flipping off a cop, Barb was rustled at him.
-Chris wants Snyder's blood. He wants to destroy the Game Place now.
-Hhe wants it to burn down due to an angry mob equipped with torches("fire-on-a-stick") and bombs.
-Chris is convinced that the Game Place is a Cyberbully hideout, thinks Snyder watches over them as they "meet, hang, and breed".
-Chris made fifty photocopies of a Game Place coupon and wrote "CYBERBULLIES HANGOUT, STAY FAR AWAY" and brought them to the mall.
-He left a few of them around the mall. A guard found them and wanted to know what they were, specifically stating that Chris wasn't in any trouble. Chris Solid Snaked away from the two mallcops.
-While he was running one of the guards called his name. This freaked Chris out, because the only way that guard could know about him was via the internet.

When will he learn? The world may never know...

Also Chris watched an episode of something that had to do with a high school graduation. It reminded him of his graduation and that made him cry. He's still rustled that his parents moved out of Richmond and thinks that his life would have been better if he'd been able to stay there.

How the hell does he fall so far if he's never risen.

Leave it to Chris to actually sink even further into the hole he dug.

Those fucking lawn mowers and weed whackers.



I imagined Chris ducking inside a very large cardboard box and sprinting away, then I lol'd.

I'll tell the interesting story in detail.

Chris somehow got his hands on a coupon from the Game Place. He edited it to read "CYBER-BULLIES HANG-OUT, STAY FAR AWAY" in alarming red text. He then made like fifty copies and started carrying them around with the intent of scattering them all over the city. Presumably, he figures that either the store will go out of business or an angry mob will burn it down or blow it up.

He'd left a few around Fashion Square, and was at the Starbucks kiosk talking to his mom on the phone when he noticed a mallcop had some of his other fliers. Chris tried to act natural and leave, but the cop tailed him. When the cop tried to say something to him, Chris bolted for the JC Penny exit but got caught before he could leave. The first cop, now with an "accomplice", told Chris that he wasn't in any trouble, to which Chris thought "the hell I was not, or Why would the son of a bitch be chasing after me".

Chris ran for the other exit, heading for the car he'd been using that day(his family owns four) on the east side of the mall(he'd gone out the south exit). The "accomplice" tailed him into the lot, but Chris was "tactful hiding and weaving around the parked cars" and managed to evade him. At some point during Chris's MGS escapades in the parking lot, one of the cops called out to him by name. Chris got to his car (a Mitsubishi instead of the Ford Escort he normally uses) and fled the scene.

Oh, and apparently he assumed that the cops tried to locate his car when his parking lot ninja skills proved too much for them, but since he wasn't using his Escort that day he caught them off guard and left them scratching their heads in confusion.

!

"What was that car?"

...

"Just a Mitsubishi."

Also, do you have the exact transcript of his rant? I'm curious to see this self-loathing.

Please tell me where you get this info.

I love you.

Well, as we're waiting for updates:



tehehe~

I'm getting this information from the disclosure going on at the moment.

The images are kinda big so here are the links.

Dates: Janurary 29-30
Chris is upset that nobody pays attention to him, discusses his past attempts at socializing.

Dates: January 31-February 4
Chris has a dispute with mall security.

Dates: February 4-9
Chris buys some stuff, cries about his graduation, and goes MGS on some mallcops.

Dates:February 9-13
Chris shares his 3DS Mii, talks about MLP, laments his birthday, and flips off a cop.

Oh, and Chris might start drawing Sonichu again.

Ok, I've scanned his 3DS Mii QR code, and this is what the Mii looks like
First off, it's female. It's wearing light blue and has orange framed square glasses. The eyes are female, again, with blue eyeshadow and eyelashes. The eyes themselves are blue, as you can't get heterochormic eyes in Miis. The face is smilieing, appears to have blusher/PANK cheeks and maybe a slightly large nose, in the default shape. Again, there's a girl hair do in a strawberry blonde colour. Also, the girl appears to be skinny/normal?/no where near fat.

brb, not saving this ewwfest on my beloved 3DS.

(The sad thing is how un fat/greasy/ugly the Mii is, and that it almost looks like a cute girl. Almost.)