AWKWARD ZOMBIE

chris being put in a zoo
the habitat probably would be cleaner than his house

I know, I often have to remind myself that Chris is a person, a human like you and me. Every time I remind myself of this, I usually have to go through the 5 stages of grief.

Re: UltraBidoof: Ah, nvm then. Though it's really, really sad when you put it that way.

Re: Ganelon: ....dammit, it makes too much sense. It all fits too well together. I was actually going to suggest him being someone who was accidentally reincarnated as a human instead of a cat. I mean:

• high-pitched, annoying voice
• Selfishness; a cat always wants you to tend to its needs
• Indulgence; will always eat if there's food, regardless if it needs to or not
• Promiscuous sexual activity - okay, well, maybe not Chris, but he does show a preference to wanting sex rather than an actual relationship, and an alarming tendency to switch between 'sweethearts' who were supposedly his 'one true love' rather rapidly. Cats have been known to have sex with multiple partners when in heat.

Re: Guyperson: That just made me ROFL.

Ho... ly... SHIIIIIT.

http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Carlos_Chantor

There isn't much to explain about that. Chris was so desperate for sex that he tried to become a male escort.

If prostitutes come up, though, hilarity always ensues.

Like that one time trolls sent whores to his house. I think his parents answered the door and called the police, and according to the CWCki Chris started crying. Later, when trying to infiltrate the CWCki, he tried to ask trolls for the number they used to call the hookers.

People have asked why Chris doesn't just buy a hooker if being a virgin bothers him so much. The answer is that he's too lazy to research how to get a hooker, too much of a compulsive spender to hold on to even a hundred bucks for more than a few days, and he may or may not be scared of breaking the law.

How dare you insult cats that way! You can't compare CATS to CHRIS!!

EWWW, HOW DARE YOU! I thought you were cool...

Hmph! My cats are much better than Chris. Ninja, my boy cat, cleans himself often, will be kind to anyone if they pet him, wants everyone to pet him, and he doesn't whine or beg for food. He's not very active, yes, but he still seems a little skinny for a cat. You know?

This isn't fact or anything, it varies from animal to animal

yeah, Chris is more like a... a... a thing that... just sits there eating and not cleaning... and being a faggit

My cats hardly eats at all, and are obsessed with clean things. And I don't think wanting to come inside from the garage and cuddle is selfish.

Ow ow ow ow ow... uncle, uncle !!!

Okay, yeah I *have* gone too far comparing Chris-Chan to a cat. Hell, comparing Chris-chan to anything is an insult to whatever he's being compared. Hold on while I dislodge my size 11's from my throat cavity for a moment...

Still, it's safe to say that Chris is pretty much an animal. Like Ganleon said he's territorial, selfish, dumber than a bag of rocks and has worse pattern recognition than lobotomized lab rats. Plus, despite all his talk of "respect" and "loving the fairer sex"... we can all agree he's just out to have animal sex, which I doubt he even knows how to do right. I mean, "SheCameForCWC.JPG"? Really?

Yknow, the thing that really gets me bout this guy is less the fact that the entire Internet is now making fun of him, than for the fact that, despite all evidence to the contrary, he has no working knowledge of Internet Rules. I mean theres the rules that you define yourself, like maybe no porn or keep it somewhat clean, but I mean the bedrock rules like piss people off and youll regret it.

I mean in our real world, thats punished. But on the Internet world, you can just hack into his computer, look at all his stuff (not sure if Id want to go there though, my imagination is hurting me again) and obtain information about him however you like. Those hookers that so called showed up at his door, was a manifestation of the Internet's malicious capabilities. Come tot hink of it the Internets a pretty Savage place....

Sure, you could hack into his computer and extract personal information, but it would be pointless. He already gave it all away willingly.

Chris's entire existence is a cautionary tale, but above all else, take that lesson to heart.

Even at his sharpest, Chris can't grasp things beyond basic cause and effect. And he's absolute pants at even that, as his ego once convinced him that he had the power to will bad luck onto people. While he looks like a sex-craving douche trying to make himself look good to lure women into a trap, the truth is he just doesn't understand relationships beyond "they can lead to sex", and he doesn't get sex beyond "it's a thing that feels really good".

He knows that if he says "I respect women", that that is a good thing to do, and he knows that women like to hear that, but he is unable, not unwilling, to comprehend the followup thought of "If I'm going to say I respect women I should act like I do to prove that I'm being honest". He's convinced that there is some specific, special combination of code words that will make a woman have sex with him, and nobody is telling him the secret.

Chris lacks formal internet survival training. Why this is so is unknown. I'm willing to guess that his ego has the most to do with it, followed by his hatred of reading things.

It also didn't help that he'd never heard of ED before. Or that he likes to jump and stick to conclusions.

I've been looking at some of CWC's videos, especially the "Half of a Whole New World" for Kacey (yes, I know; staring into the mouth of madness is ill-advised). Talk about the Dunning-Kruger effect going into overdrive. The guy says he's too awesome for any one job? Ouch.