AWKWARD ZOMBIE

It's here! It's not new! And nobody asked for it! It's betrippin's LP of:

Alright, so let's begin

Wow, that's not the least bit creepy

Wow, as far as first impressions go, you just fucked this one up, eyeball man

30 seconds into the game and I'm talking to a man with a lazy eye who talks Captain Kirk

Ohh whats that? looks important. Hope I blow it up later on

I'm not quite sure what those things are behind you, but they look like they need to get blown up


And then suddenly crazy eyeball man makes me on a train somehow and he dissolves into darkness
MY fellow passengers consist of Morgan freeman and man who sits in the backround


No shit Sherlock

We get off the train and are greeted by one ugly motherfucker and a floaty robot thing

Hello robot floaty thing!

BLINDING LIGHT!
I AM GOING TO KILL EVERY SCANNER AND AVENGE MY RETINAS I SWEAR TO GOD

I follow my fellow passengers and see some police brutality (Not pictured: police brutality)


I then meet up with a woman who is waiting for her husband or something I don't really care about her

Enter the most depressing cafeteria in the world

Complete with crazy pacing person, Order your's today!

I see 2 people who are complaining about the security that I just breeze through and steal someone's luggage

Honestly, I don't see what the big deal i-

Why did that door close

This does not bode well for me


On our way to the back room I witness some more not pictured police brutality

Oh shit

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

;_;

YOU SON OF A BITCH I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO DIE NEXT TIME GIVE ME SOME WARNING JEEZUS I JUST SHIT MY PANTS

Yes thank you I figured that out myself

Yea whatever

I do hope you are joking about the beating quota thing

Oh hello baldman how are you today?

Great scott? How old are you?

I'm guessing that's a bad place to be?

Yeah I can't stay here together


I guess that's what we are going to do? Find this Alyx person?

Guess so


Turns out the Po-po are at the door and Barney tells me to go find this Alyx person


So I pile up some boxes and me and the stolen luggage find ourselves in some place with a bunch of trash

Let's go save the world, baggy
(Yes, I know I accidentally forgot to screenshot some stuff, my bad, I'll do better later I promise)

sv_cheats 1
ent_fire !player ignite

Maybe this will substitute for me actually ever playing Half-Life 2

it baffles me that there are people who haven't played HL2

Whats Half Life 2?

I think it's one of those Halo clones.

I'll play it when Episode 3 comes out.

dragoon u funny

i lost

Enter a room that doesn't seem to serve a purpose other than being a room

Which leads into another purposeless room


No. Fuck you. You knocked it over, you put it away

ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

OH MY GOD I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T HURT ME

HELP ME, POLICE BRUTALITY!

Well, fine, screw you looks like he stopped chasing

oof! Fck you, not pictured police brutality!

Oh well, might as well leave

Outside I am greeted by the HUG tower and an alleyway which I then promptly follow to more not pictured police brutality



JESUS CHRIST HOW HORRIFYING
That seems like a less than friendly way to go, so I think I'll climb this ladder

Oh look, more police brutality


these guys seem to be complaining about the police brutality
but I don't ca-

IT'S A PARK! I LOVE PARKS! I AM GOING TO PLAY SO HARD WITH THE MERRY GO ROUND

After I frolic I go over t see if those cops will let me in to that building, but they don't seem to like me
probably because I wouldn't let them play with me because they are loosers

So I go into the neighbor's building and go upstairs to more not pictured police brutality


You can't see it, but some serious shit is going on in there


I enter another apartment and break all their windows, hopefully, they don't care


I go into the apartment of a sad couple and break all of their windows as well and steal their lamp and toss it out the window

ah shit here we go

I guess thos people told the cops that I keep breaking all the windows

I'M OUT

guess I'm not going downstairs!


Morgen freeman helps me escape and tells me to go to the roof and then promptly dies

oh jeez oh jeez oh jeez

Holy shit I didn't think breaking windows was such a high crime it warrants calling in gunships

OH SWEET JESUS I'M GETTING SHOT AT

Alright, I think this attic is safe

Guessnot.jpg

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE WINDOWS PLEASE DON'T KILL ME


In my dazed hate some not pictured anti police brutality happens

I am then greeted by a moderately attractive woman with the corniest of all greetings

she says we need to GTFO

A map would have been nice

You're right, I don't remember you in the slightest

and you never shut up.

Russian-esqe much?

SECRET TUNNNELLL! SECRET TUNNNEEELLLL THROUGHT THE BUILDING! SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET TUNNEL!

Why? Judging by the chapter name, I'm guessing it's the day of your period

Are we going to use a catapult? Because that sounds like a fun way to help people escape from the police
who are chasing them for breaking windows

Thanks I'm parched

OH YOU CLEVER FUCKER

Some bald guy is looking for some french person I guess

who keeps french people in crates

Were you expecting Mario maybe?

I resent that

now my feelings are hurt

You guys are boring, I'm going to go play with this thing

are guys done being boring yet?

Who knew the people around here were so sensitive towards their windows being broken

I'm going to play with this some more

That sounds important. Is it important?

What cat?

The cactus moved when I wasn't looking KLIENER I THINK YOUR CACTUS IS HAUNTED

Barney suggests getting me out of the clothes I am wearing right now

OH GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE

THAT'S the french person you were looking for? Can I kill it?

The frenchie runs away and now I put on my Suit
Or I will
Later
Now I'm just going to stare at it