AWKWARD ZOMBIE

New Vegas. Ain't a prettier sight for a weary traveler, so I'm told. Never seen it for myself, just got the words from the NCR patrols. The Legion want to tear it to the ground, such as they do with all good things, so I'm liable to believe all the fairy tales. Been around too many years to not want somethin' to look forward to. Seemed like a good job. Take a package to Vegas, find out what all the fuss is about. Had worse jobs, really.
Courier by trade, almost 50 years on my life, and I ain't even been in New Vegas. Never planned for it before. Not got any plans for it either now, I'm guessin'.



T'be honest, I doubt I got much more in the way of any plans anymore.



Goddamn head hurts. Most likely a concussion. Memory ain't comin' back quick enough.



Tch. Shit.



Look up and see this jackass. Talkin' to his partners about somethin', I can't make out what.



Jackass tells his buddy that he wants to look me in the eye before I die. That's sure sweet.



Pulls out a chip. Seems to think I give a shit. I carefully try to communicate what I will do with that chip and his asshole, but unfortunately I am gagged. Jackass is smart, I'm sure he got the message.



Jackass decides he's done wastin' my time, I'm guessin.



You'd better hope you don't miss, you disgusting sack of hors-





sssshhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugghh...

Where the hell am I? The hell's goin' on? God, fuck, my head feels like a rock.
The fuck? Who's talkin' to me? I can't fuckin' feel my goddamned head, who is that?



What? Who the hell are you? Where the hell am I? Days? What? Argh, fuck, what the fuck happened?



No idea who he is, but the man is right. Take a minute to stop and remember what happene-
I got shot in the goddamned head. Right. That's what happened.

Did this guy take me in? Don't got memory of it. Course, I don't seem to have two bullets in my head either. Guess he's a professional.



Atlas.



Doc's got a sense of humor on him. Might not take it, if it was some punk, but I seem to be not in a hole in the ground thanks to him.



Goodsprings? Right, that town I passed through, headin' to Vegas. Guess it was the closest place Jackass could bury me.





Guessin' the Doc shaved me down. Ain't seen this mug in too long. Almost didn't recognize m'self. Everything seems in place, far as I can tell.




Aaaarrssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Head quakes when I stand up. Legs shakin'. Ain't got shot in the head before, can't say I quite like the aftereffects.




Head's clearin' up a bit, but I still take it slow like Doc says. Not about to argue with him on much.




I got no fuckin' clue what any of this means. I guess I ain't the doctor.



Well, I gotta go kill a man. Eye for an eye and such. Can't let death be stoppin' me much now, can I?







Doc asks me some questions. Guessin' he's tryin' to tell if I got a whole lot left up here. He seems satisfied with what I tell him, so I guess I passed.




Doc leads me to the door. He seems to have somethin' for me.




You ain't gonna find a next of kin, Doc. Far as I know I'm the only one the Legio-
Son of a bitch. The chip. The package. That's what Jackass took. Fucker killed me, all for a goddamned piece of plastic. He wants the fuckin' caps.

So that's the plan then. Kill Jackass, piss on his grave, and throw the chip into a river.



Doc hands me some kind of big metal glove. I put it on and press a button, and the whole screen lights up green as nukes.




Mighty kind of ya, Doc. Sure it'll be useful.



Doc hands me a Vault jumpsuit. Says 21 on it. Never was much of a blackjack man, but sure as shine I won't turn down free clothes.
You really did me good, Doc. 'Preciate it.




I know how to survive, Doc. Came from Arizona. Still, Vegas has supplied me with enough misfortune so far, couldn't hurt to talk to the girl.



Metal fella? One of them robots saved me? That's odd. Guess I should pay him a thanks, at least.




Can't promise much, Doc. I'll see ya.





Alright. Let's get started. Jackass ain't gonna kill himself.

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I eagerly await your next installment.

I only played the first like 35 minutes of New Vegas, so it'll be 99% surprises for me!

All you have to do to beat mine is reach level 23 and complete Dead cheddar.

dead cheddar is actually the second-to-last DLC I will do. i feel like honest hearts works much better as the first dlc.

i have quite a bit of update lined up, but i used fraps to screenshot, so i have to scale them down to half size manually for every picture because they're all in 1080p.

If you've got Photoshop, look up how to do batch processing of pictures using actions, you can resize an entire folder of pictures automatically.

nope

Chapter 1: Ain't Dead Anymore



Well, that sure does look like a metal fella. Must be the one that pulled my booty out of the dirt.



I've been put under the impression that I may have you t'thank for that.



Perhaps you'd be willin' to be a bit more help? Lookin' for Jackass and The Gang. What exactly happened that night?




Any idea as to who they could be?



Well, I 'preciate the help, Vic.



Glad chance had it that I got the nicest robot in Nevada. Hasn't even shot me yet. We could get along.

Vic rolls off, I stop for a moment to look at this Pip Boy that the Doc gave me.



Hm. Interface isn't complicated, thankfully. Looks like this lil'thing tracks my health and general condition. Keeps track of my guns and clothes as well. Proper handy, that. Not sure how, but I won't look the gift brahmin in the mouth.




I'm glad for the clothes Doc gave me, but I'm itchin' to get back into my proper wear. Thankfully, Jackass didn't take Bessie from me either. Sweet girl. Picked her up couple years back, off the body of some punk who thought it'd be a good idea to try and jump me. Been with me ever since.



Don't let the scowl fool you, feelin' fitter than I have in a long time. Who'da guessed that takin' two shots to the head'll make you a younger man.



Doc talked about a Sunny Smiles? Hell of a name. Somethin' about talkin' to her for trainin'. Probably could get some info from her 'bout Jackass, s'well.



Been through worse lookin' bars in m'life.



Immediately, a dog almost decides to murder me. Good start.



Well, consider me relieved. You must be Smiles? Was told to look for you by the Doc. Wanted to ask where Primm is, I passed by on my way down, but it seems like bein' shot in th'head does things to your memory.





Goddamn Cazadors, isn't it? I'll stick to the road, yeah. Doc also mentioned somethin' about showin' me somethin' about Nevada? I'm more of an Arizona man.




Sure. Give an old man a minute to get a drink, i'll meet you out there.



Or I won't. Bartender seems to be out. daisies. Need somethin' for this headache. Well, guess I'll just come back later.



Sun is out back. She hands me a gun. Right.



Ah. See, that I can do.




Hands're as steady as ever. That's good to see.




Sure, could use a drink anyway.




We take a bit of a stroll. Sun stops me at a ridge.





Mm. Shouldn't take me more than a sec.



...Where are the little bastards?



Ah. Right. There they are. Tried to get the drop on me, pricks.



That's that then.




It'd be worth my comin' along for a few caps.




Lead on, Sun.




First well goes pretty... good. Dog's a fighter, though I'm wishin' he'd fight away from my bullets.



Aaaand... screaming just down there. Sun takes the long way around, but I take the fast way down.



Poor woman's gettin' murdered. I ain't the type to be overly helpful to strangers, but can't just let 'er get killed by geckos of all things.



We manage to take them down before Sun even shows up. Once she gets backup, lady starts swingin' that knife around like a pro.




Thanks kindly, miss.

I down the water like it's a properly chilled Nuka in the summer. God, I'm so thirsty.



Looks like Sun waited for me, guess she made the correct assumption that I didn't need much help.






Not particularly familiar with the flora, so I may as well.





'Aight. I'll be back in a bit, Sun.



I head back into Goodsprings. The schoolhouse is easy enough to find. Only red buildin' in the whole daisies place.



Some minor vermin. Nothin' I can't take care of.



Pip Boy actually tells me this is xander root. daisies thing gets more and more helpful every second. I grab a couple of them. Where did she say next? Ah. Right. The graveyard.

Yeah.



Think I know where that is.




Hell of a fly infestation.



I shoot the lil'bastards down.



Oh.



Not a lot of things make a man consider his own mortality quite as much as your own daisies grave.



Lets get out of here.



Sun is waiting for me at a campfire. Sure is a patient girl.





Sun has a small thing set up. I mix the two ingredients together, with her givin' me advice. I'm not much of a maker, more a finder and fixer. Takes an ol'man a bit to get it right.








Mm. Guess I can go meet someone else, right quick. Not much a fan of the whole process, but the girl seems to know her way, and I guess I owe her somewhat. Jackass is probably back where he came from anyway, just gotta follow the trail, and I doubt that'll go cold any time soon what with how flashy he is.



Starts rainin'. Feels nice. Never thought I'd like rain again. Heavily recommend bein' dead, really gives you new outlooks.



I walk back up to the bar. Already hearing some mumblin'. Must be somethin' going on in there.



Walk in, there's already some kid yelling at a lady. Bessie wants to have a say in the matter, but I keep 'er down and wait to see what he says. Somethin' about a "Ringo". Lady dismisses him and he starts sulking and gets meaner. Think I'm gonna kill him.



I don't seem like the problem, kid. Sounds like Ringo's your problem.




Your territory?



I see. You'd better get back to them, then.



Kid runs off. Shoulda killed him, but I think I've caused enough problems for this town already.



I guess the lady is Trudy.



Thanks to ya, ma'am. Sounds like you've got yourself a pest problem.





Not exactly a large town, you'd think Ring'd be dead by now.



Could just kill the punk.



No plans at all for dealin' with him then?




"Powder Gangers"? Not exactly a tribe I've heard of.





Speakin' of trouble, any information on the jackass and crew who shot me?




Anythin' about a chip of some kind?



Ideas where they came from?



... That's the way I was headin'. What exactly is up there?




daisies. So they musta come from somewhere near Vegas, then?



So how would you get to Vegas through Primm?



One last question, ma'am. That robot, Vic, anything you know about him? I'm grateful and all, but sure is an unusual creature.





Thanks much, ma'am. You know, I'm a bit of an engineer myself. Could take a look at that radio of yours. Anything to undo what the Jackass Gang did.




Alright, ma'am. I'll get it back up and runnin' for you.



Ah, there it is.




Takes me about an hour, but the repair is simple enough. Radio clicks back to life.



Trudy seems to have left. Wonder if I can catch her.



I see why she left. Got dark, fast. Should find some shelter for the night. But first, before they close...



Let's see if the general store has anythin' for me.



I didn't think I'd be walkin' anywhere. What've you got for sale, son?




Alright. Let's see what you have.



I buy some more rounds for Bessie, a hat for myself, and some water. Fairly cheap, coulda done worse.

So, son, you know anything about the jackass who shot me?





I'm familiar with the Khans. Sounds like that's indeed who Jackass brought with him. I can handle some Khans and a jackass. Thanks, son.




Time to find somewhere for the night. Heh, maybe Ringo'd like to share a bunk. Can't hurt either. Might even pay me if I kill that Corn punk. Sounds like a win-win.



Gettin' very hard to see.



A sarsaparilla machine. I raid it. Still a few intact bottles. Open the door to the building and



Oh, son, if you're gonna fire, you'd better start now.



Lookin' for someone? Sounds like that punk is still lookin' for you.




What, no plan?



Well, I sure could shoot them. Couple of caps, consider them dead.



Well that's settled then. We'll take them in the morn.



You'd best not be implyin' that I can't handle a few punks, son.



Presumably me, but seein' as you're the boss, we'll do it how you want.



Right. I'll get on that in the morning.



Actually not a bad setup. Ringo knows what he's doin'.



A couple supplies in the store still. I grab a magazine and some whiskey.



Good enough place to sleep as any.



Long, long day. Ready to ease these ol'bones into sleep. Hopefully not another long one.
Tomorrow, I'll kill some punks, then the chase begins, I guess.

For now, lets just focus... on... sleep...

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I really enjoy it so far, the dialogue flows really well. Just want to point out you used an image twice. The one that says "There'd be caps in it for you. I do like to hear what's going on in the world."

ah, thanks. i looked it over but i must have missed that. fixed it now.

on another note: this was way too fucking long i'm gonna keep them much shorter if i can make it flow right.

So who're you gonna be siding with main game? Character seems like he probably go with house, but I'm not sure.

Or is that too much of a spoiler?

it depends on how things go

legion is 100% out of the question because spoilers, and honestly i can't see house working, it's between wild card and NCR

Hmm.

Personally Mr. Atlas here seems a bit too "free cowboy" to go NCR.

But, we'll, he's your character, not mine.

Chapter 2: Goodbye, Goodsprings



Didn't exactly sleep well. Not the worst night of my life, but it's gonna be a long day, I know it.



Sky looks... same as I left it. Hm.



First order of business. The bar.



Hopefully Sun is in here. Gotta talk to that girl 'fore Ringo even gets the idea to come out. Boy's not a fighter, but I can't say he's stupid.



Sun ain't here, but Trudy is. Should talk to her 'bout that radio.



Sure, but firstly, I took care of that radio for ya.



Thanks, ma'am.




Well now, if that's the case, I'd be pop flyin' to take a look at your wares.



I stock up on the essentials, and some of them magazines. Things are more handy than I'd like to admit, though I can't say they're much a substitute for learnin'.



Thanks.



Sun seems to have dropped in while me and Trudy were conversin'.



Not for much longer, if I can help it. Spent the night with Ringo, he convinced me to take a shot at, well, shootin' that Corn boy. I said I'd be on him like brown on a brahmin but he seemed a bit unconvinced. Wanted you on our side.



Broke out the charm for nothin'.






Well now. Guess I got some laundry to do. Trudy don't seem the violent type, how am I gonna convince her?



What about, uh, Chip did-ya-call-him? Guy in the store. You think he'd just give us armor?



I ain't ever met Pete either, no idea what to do there.



I know they go boom. It's a start, I guess.



'Aight. See you when it goes down, Sun.



Sounds like I gotta have a discussion with Trudy then.



Speakin' of, Sunny seemed to think you could be of some help. Set us up behind your establishment here, with a posse, take down Corn before he even gets here.





Right, Chip. Chet. Store-man.



Be ready, when this goes down.



I get better at a few things, considering I've been dabblin' in them a bit.



I've been with a few men in my life, shoulda shot all of them. Maybe I should put that experience in motion a bit more.



I leave the bar, should go talk to Store-man... Unless this is who I think it is.



He is. Sun was lookin' to use some of your explosives to take care of some troublemakers who'll be comin' down here.



Probably.



Yup.



Time to speak to Store-man.



Me 'n Sun are gonna shoot some punks. Dynamite Gang or whatever. We're gonna need armor for the town.



Really ain't willin' to help out neighbors?




Guess that's that. One person left.



Didn't think I'd actually be back in here, honestly.



Town's gonna shoot people. Could use help.




Well, I sure appreciate it. Already been shot too much.



You too, Doc.



Well. I tried. Not exactly my best. Tried, though. I'm sure it'll turn out fine. I got a friend I can call in.



Ringo.



Her and a few other people. Town's on your side, I guess.



Well honestly I co-



Ah well. How many?



Six? We brought out half the daisies town for six men. I coulda had them shot by now.



Right, well, lets go then.



Ringo and Sun go take their positions. I go to take mine.



Ah. There they are. Some of them are shirtless. This is gonna be fast.



Time to call in my friend.



Hey, Corn! You'd better turn your fancy booty around right now!



They didn't.



Couple of them get a little too close for comfort, but lord be, they are mortal men.



Corn pisses himself and runs for cover.



Too bad cover doesn't help much. Ringo runs up, lookin' fairly giddy.



I coulda sworn you said you didn't have much?




I'll be sure to do so, if I'm around that area.

Well. Time to loot the bodies.



Lots of... intact dynamite on these fellas. Somewhat surprising, considering how they all exploded. I take what I need, leave most of them with their dignity.



Most of them.



Huh. Guess I'm done.



Nothin' left here to do. Only one thing on my mind.



Time to go find Jackass.

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