AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I wanted to try out something new and take a little break from Earthbound, so I'm starting a new LP of Pokemon FireRed! And to make things more interesting, I'll be doing a Nuzlocke of the game. And to make things even MORE interesting, I'll be doing a Nuzlocke variant.

Here's the standard Nuzlocke rules:

Rule #1: You can only catch the first Pokemon you see in a new area. If you KO the Pokemon or it uses a move like Roar or Teleport to end the battle, sorry, buddy, you're out of luck.

Rule #2: If one of your Pokemon is KO'd, they're considered dead. You can't use it for the rest of the challenge.

Rule #3: The challenge is over when all of the Pokemon you've caught are dead or you beat the Champion.

Optional Rule #4: I'll be changing my battle style to set, so I can't switch after KO'ing an opponent's Pokemon, and no items will be allowed to be used in battle.

Additionally, I'll be using a special rule called the Duplicates Clause: If I go to a new area and encounter a Pokemon I already have, I'm allowing myself the chance to try again for a new catch. This is balanced out by the fact that there will be some routes that potentially have no new Pokemon.

Finally, I'll be doing a Nuzlocke variant called a Wedlocke, which has a few added rules for extra challenge.

Rule #5: The first male and female Pokemon I catch will be paired together. The same goes for the second pair and third pair. As such, I can't catch genderless Pokemon.

Rule #6: I'm only allowed to use one pair in any battle.

Rule #7: If one Pokemon in the pair is KO'd, the other must be sent out next. If they both faint, I get to choose the next pair.

Rule #8: If I need to make a pair, but don't have any Pokemon of a given gender, in the next new area, I can try for a capture until I encounter a Pokemon of that gender, but after that, I only get one shot at catching it.

That should be it!

Anyway, let's go!

Episode One: Gigantic Tool



ACK

STRANGER DANGER

BAD START, BAD START



Where the hell am I?

Last I remember, I was home in bed, you bastard!



Oh god I am going to die here, aren't I?



If you even tell me one joke about your wood, I will cut you.



Umm

"AFFECTIONATELY"???

This is becoming more distressing by the minute!



Sweet jesus he turned Earth into a Polly Pocket playset.



Please tell me you didn't shove that animal into that tiny ball.



I had a pet Magmar once. Those scars never healed.



Well, you're a professor, so you teach classes on Pokemon at the university, right?



That works too, I guess. Tenure didn't work out, I take it?



What the fuck do you think this is, some kind of blind date?



And somehow you can't tell the difference just by looking at me.

Mommy and Daddy never gave you The Talk, did they?



Well, clearly I am a sassy and independent young lady, and my name properly reflects those qualities.



Bow down, peasants.



My sassy stare and hands on my hips will be your affirmation.



Woooooow, what a gigantic tool.

Tell me about your 20-0 KTD in CoD, bro.



Uhh, no, he pushed me out of my rocker, and I slapped his candy booty.

I was an awesome baby.



Oh, I know JUST what to name you.



YESSSSS

But actually, I'm not really cool with taking advantage of people with Alzheimer's. His name is actually....



But it really should be BigTool.



You really shouldn't try too hard to remember it.



HE'S CURED

IT'S A MIRACLE, DOCTOR



WHAT



Oh thank GOD. I am going to need a map to get the hell out of here.



Aww yisss, let's get starte-

Wait what is that.



OW JESUS



WHOA

What a weird dream. I think it's about time I saw that psychiatrist Mom recommended.



But first, some vidya!



All right, I'm done with this. Castlevania is fucking bullshit anyways.

Disclaimer: Castlevania is actually really fun, despite being fucking bullshit.

Let's go see if Mom made us breakfast yet.



Actually, all girls dream of knowing who their dad is.

WHAT AREN'T YOU TELLING ME MOM



Mom we only get soap operas since you stopped paying the cable bill.



AWW SHIT POKEMON TIME



Better go examine the town first. It's just a thing I do, you wouldn't understand.



Mom thinks she's so cheeky signing the loan documents under my name.



Hahaha, oh man, I wonder if Duke's home, I want to push him down the stairs.



Sup girl.



Dammit! Well, maybe I can find some chemicals and do some WICKED SCIENCE on him.



Is the sign really that fascinating, lady?



GEEZ OK I WILL



WELL THIS WASN'T A WASTE OF MY TIME



I AM COMPLETELY BEGUILED BY THIS NEW FUNCTION



Man this bag is hella stylish. I spent a pretty penny on this thing at Coach.



Right? You can even watch TV on the Internet ON YOUR TV now!



So Tron is now real life. This is clearly what everyone wanted.



Time to go mooch a Pokemon off some science nerds.



Ah, a grad student! I've actually got like $3000 if you wanted to do my homework for me.



I'm pretty sure you're not the authority on ANYTHING if you haven't submitted any research papers in 20 years.



And this is why they don't have any Gym badges.

HEYO



He's perfected the cloning process.

WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE



This loser.



SON OF A BITCH

Wait, what do you mean "only Duchess"?!?

Ugh, whatever. Now I've gotta wait to get my new killing machine. I hate waiting.



Soon, my babies.

(Let me know if you want a Pokemon named after you! We'll do this all chronologically, so get here fast if you want an early teammate named after you.)

Oh hot daisies a wedlocke! Uh, not many dark types FireRed though, so just name me after a Nidoran Female if you catch one. If you don't, just name some other female pokemon after me.

If you don't name a male Pokemon DICKS and its waifu DICKSETTE I will be very disappointed

This wasn't a request it's just a joke

Wait, so if one Pokemon in a pair dies, does the other get a new partner? Or is it widowed? 2sad4me

Oh, right, forgot to mention that. They get a new partner.

DOUBLE UPLOAD SPECTACULAR

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

Episode Two: Kindergarten Lessons



Welcome back. We left off last time with me STILL NOT HAVING A POKEMON.

Looks like we gotta go find Oak in order to fix that problem.



Well, I've invaded every other home in the area, so this is the only place left to look.



GOD DAMMIT.

I never get to do anything fun!



Yeah, that's what makes it fun. Get with it, old man!



I can accept these terms.



Where did you even come from? I looked all over town for you!

All right, let's just go.



Uh oh,



Back to the lab again.

(That's still a reference people get, right?)



I still don't even know what you're doing here.



Your GRANDPA doesn't even know what you're doing here!



What a good dog you are, Duke. I'll get you a treat later.



What's this, free shit? My favorite kind of shit!



Oh god do I get ALL THREE

YESSSSSSSSSSS



Pokemon is no laughing matter, sir!



Get to the Poke' point.



My god he doesn't shut up.



Because you gave them away, RIGHT?!?!?

HAHAHA

RIGHT....?



Aww, only one?!?

Well, that's still one more Pokemon than I had before.

And yes, I did in fact pass Kindergarten.



Are you like stuck on permanent whine mode?



How old are you, seriously? I swear, you should have learned this stuff in Kindergarten.

Now let the lady pick first.



I'm gonna use a RNG set to 1-10 to choose which guy is cool enough to hang with me.

1-3 is Bulbasaur



4-6 is Squirtle



and 7-9 is Charmander. 10 is a redo.



*Marc gets a 3 off-screen*

Oh HELL yes. Clearly the superior choice!



Come to Mama!



I got myself a little babby Pokemon. I think I might cry.

We are gonna kick SO much booty.



My baby boy needs a good name.



I will be guided by the spirit of the true Pokemon Professor.



Oh you would.



I ain't even mad.



DERP FORGOT TO DO THIS LAST EPISODE



OK, looks like we're ready to head ou-



FUCK

Man, I bodaciously know everything I need to know about our Pokemon right now and that is that Kamak is the best and yours is not even worth mentioning.



Oh I hope you're prepared for the consequences of this decision.



Rival Duke just made a huge mistake.



Yeah, that's cute and all...



But CHECK OUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER

He even has little sparkles and shit when he comes out.

Kamak is too perfect.



Hey, Oak, let the grown ups sort this out.



Oh my god WHAT

I WANT TO TELL KAMAK TO HIT THINGS ALREADY



Not in this life

But in many others, yes




Oh NOW it makes sense! BATTLE! Like fighting! Thanks, you really cleared that right up!




Also their Pokemon DIES. But don't tell Duke that.



Fucking FINALLY



Righto! But first, let's check out our little man's stats.



Hasty, huh. I think's +Speed, -Defense, if I'm not mistaken. I can work with this.



Might want to soften up the blows a bit though.



Hahaha Kamak, I'm sorry, but I don't know how this even works, you are like the least intimidating looking thing ever.



I hope this was worth wasting a turn over.



All right, we're golden. Go beat the shit out of this thing already, dude.



I like where this is going.



If my calculations are correct, your Pokemon is about to take a dirt nap, Duke.



Talk shit



Get hit.



Hehehe, get it? Because you got fucked.



They grow up so fast~



I like it, I like it. We've gotta get you some special attacks already.



As I should have.



I am about at my capacity for your whining.



Well, look at that! You finally told an accurate statement!



Aww yeah, making BANK.



I thought you left already.



That bodaciously JUST HAPPENED, I kind of figured that out.



You're implying that Kamak isn't already the toughest kid on the block.



That's gonna be tough when it's dead, bro.



I really don't know how cool you think you actually are.



Welp, he sassed his way out of here. That may be the only thing he's better than me at.

....Pffffft....Yeah, right.



Yeah, but what about feeding it and stuff? Sleep schedule? Help????



Fighting = proper growth and development, got it.



Welp, guess I'll head out into the grass like I wanted to do BEFORE.



Although I think I might just be able to kick a wild Pokemon and do more to help myself than Kamak would.



Shit I forgot I was supposed to pick up some milk. Looks like it's off to Viridian City!



Oh you don't even want to mess with us, birdbrain.

(This doesn't count as my encounter for Route 1, because I don't have Poke Balls yet.)



Fuck him up, sweetie!



And then they ran into each other the entire time.



Repeat the process until Pidgey falls over.



Like there was ever any doubt Kamak would win.



Taking a little break, are we? I got you, we all need to have a smoke every now and then.



OK, but only because you asked so nicely.



Now that's how you secure customer loyalty.



JACKPOT



You may have just prevented a tragic death, madam.



Onward through this strangely built pathway!



This Rattata's looking to get whipped.

And I know just the plant dinosaur to do it!



Not bad, Kamak, not bad!



Rattata used Tail Whip and then Kamak missed a Tackle.

ABORT



I can't be risking my poor baby's life this early.



Yeah, they should really build roads AROUND those.



It's like half a foot, you big weenie.



Well, I am a fan of fast traveling, as well as jumping off of things, but Mom said no more base jumping after my last accident.



I think you're buff enough to take out a Lv. 2 Pidgey, even in your weakened state, Kamak.



Don't crit DON'T CRIT.



OK, great! See, nothing to worry about!



Working up those ranks SO FAST



Their death is your life. I like the way you think, little guy.



We made it to the city! First stop, Pokemon Center! Kamak's earned himself a good rest.

But that's going to have to wait until the next episode. Hasta!

There's an odd coincidence. I just started a game too. I choose squirtle though. Nuzlocke seems challenging, but I like my teams too much to release any of them.

You can always make a "Graveyard" box and stow them in there when they "die". That's what I usually do.

Oh, and then I suppose you can take them out once you've beat the champion? The does sound significantly better.
I might try it after this one. I'm 4 gyms deep and a with team I'm comfortable with.

edit: grammar is hard =B

Haha, I love your vision of the story XD
Keep it up!

(Also, if you keep Eevee, could you name it after me, pretty please?)

Name everything after forum members, you have no freedom.

jk

Episode Three: Coffee Secrets



All right, Viridian City! Because there was nowhere else I could even go!

Let's explore, why don't we?



I'm not even going to make the obvious crude joke. Got my fix of that last episode.

Good to know Kamak can't just keep running into things forever.



Oh, right, almost forgot to do that! The little champ got a little roughed up on the way here.

I am the best Trainer ever, don't judge me.



Pokemon Hospital go!



Yo hey my dude got kinda wrecked fighting....uhh....really tough Trainers with like Mewtwos and shit.

Yeah.



DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO, DOC

JUST MAKE HIM LIVE



Yeah OK, you just strap him down on that science machine and I won't question this.

The future is NOW




Great! Let's go fight some more nerds until we have to do this again!



What, so you can bleed my wallet dry?

YOU SICKEN ME



And BOY OH BOY am I going to use them.



In other news, the economy is officially in deep shit.



WITH SCIENCE

You forgot that part, it's kind of important.



And I hear for a little extra, they can do something about those godawful crow's feet.



OK, but I'm not taking the blame for whatever gross porn you have on there.



Do they charge people for ANYTHING here? This can't be an effective business model.



TELL ME YOUR SECRETS



So Weedle is an asshole, then.



I've got a motherfucking HALF POISON DINOSAUR, ain't no Poison Sting that scares me.



And now for the best part of the day

Shopping time~



You can just tell from the cut of my jib, huh.



Not on purpose, but yeah.



Dude, FedEx comes in like an hour, I just want some Poti-



Or I can be Errand Girl! That works too!



YEAH ME TOO EXCEPT I NEED TO DELIVER THIS STUPID PACKAGE FIRST



No actually I do know. It's when their HP drops down to the point where they'll die next turn.



They'd be doing a lot better if they'd stop sending kids to do menial tasks for them.



Uhh

Poke BALL, actually. As in singular.

And way to rub it in, asshole!



Provided I get some daisies POKE BALLS SOMETIME SOON.



Pssh, stores are for losers.

I have just now decided this.



Well, don't hurt yourself or anything.

(Her notes are all stuff you guys and I already know, so I didn't even bother recording it.)



WHAT YES



OK, but I don't even go to this school!



I sure hope the teacher didn't write this.



Wait, but you look like his wife.

Do old people do that? Refer to their spouses as Grandma and Grandpa?



Oh man can I blame my bitchiness on coffee?!?

I don't even drink the stuff, but I like the idea!



What are you gonna do, roll over to the phone and call the police?



The entire Kanto region past this point

is your private property.

I have GOT to start drinking coffee and then stop suddenly.

SO many things I could blame a lack of caffeine on.



Oh, hey, it's a...uhh....Speary....

OK, who gave you that name?

TELL ME WHO HURT YOU



Oh god he didn't.

HE DIDN'T



JESUS CHRIST HE DID

A little girl maybe could get away with that, but you are a grown-booty man! This is unacceptable!



And stupid names are a good way to make me instantly judge you.

Seriously, that is practically animal abuse. You should be ashamed of yourself.



All right, time to GTFO and go give Oak his package.

WHEEE



Oh, you know, beating up Mewtwos and shit.

He is the best, after all.



Yeah, probably because he likes to get out of his ball every now and then.

You know, get some fresh air, eat something, play a little, interact with a NOT TERRIBLE TRAINER.



"Talented" = "Not terrible in every way"



Yeah, I brought it, but the box keeps shaking.

I'm 12 and what's a dildo?



I don't like that look you have on your face.



Son of a bitch, THE OLD GUY gets to catch Pokemon before me!



Sign here, please. Thank you for choosing Duchess Express.



God. DAMMIT.



Is he gonna lecture you? I hope he lectures you. I'll go make popcorn right now.



Go get Duke to do your deliveries, man, I'm done with this gig.



Good news, everyone!

Oh FUCK that makes me Leela! Or Amy. I prefer Leela.



Kamak(noun): Total badass



Are we talking like Britannica or Dramatica?



I don't even know which one he's going to give me and mine is already better than Duke's.



Oh man I can't wait to READ and NOT FIGHT THINGS while doing it.



That is exactly the opposite of what you just said.



Is this going where I think it's going?



OH IT WENT THERE



YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

FINALLY



Sweet! I love indiscriminately throwing balls at things!

But Mom made me stop after THAT accident, too.



Ahem

SUCCEED at catching it, you mean. What kind of scrub do you take me for?



Unless you're me, naturally.

Which is....actually kind of a terrifying thought!

Please don't be me, Oak.



Don't need no luck. All I need is Kamak to go mess 'em up for a bit.



And you ended up with nothing.

HOW DOES IT FEEL



I get the feeling you thought of this idea ten years ago, got drunk and passed out on your couch and forgot about it until now.



"Old" = "Lazy"



There's your lesson for the day, kids. Get other people to accomplish your goals for you.



GEEZ ALL RIGHT ALREADY



Yeah, too bad you won't be there for any of the actually FUN parts.



I second this motion. Really, I just want to go fight things.



OH I TAKE IT BACK

IT'S ON YOU SMUG LITTLE SHIT



Oh, is she into cartography again? I thought she gave that up to study anthropology.



I can't even handle how mature and cool you are right now....



Not a problem. I'm not really sure why I'd willingly go to your house anyways. It smells like Doritos and desperation in there.



But actually yeah, we're going there first.



It's kind of been a recurring theme today.



See, this is why I like you. You give me stuff for free and we get to make fun of your grandpa.



Plus neither of us pays any attention to your brother!



WHOA SNAP HOW'D WE GET HERE

Now that I have Poke Balls, the Wedlocke is officially on!

This is on Route 1, by the way.



That looks like enough of an booty whooping from Kamak. Time to catch it!



AND STAY THERE



Luck shmuck. Take THAT, Oak!



Let's see what kind of helpful hints we can get about our new leading lady.



GOOD NEWS RIGHT AT THE FIRST SENTENCE.

CHRIST ALMIGHTY.



Welp, you're on the team whether you like it or not, and that means you get a name!

But guys..... I think it's time to share a terrible secret of mine. An affliction I've had for as long as I can remember.

I




I SHIP POKEMON.

It's an awful addiction of mine and I'm not proud of it.

Anyways, Kamak and Cori are my new OTP.

SQUEEE~



Oh good, Kamak likes them quirky!

I think.



We'll heal up really quick, and then see if we can catch some more new victi-FRIENDS. Yeah, friends.



But first, some long overdue shopping!



Remember when I said shopping was for nerds?

Uhh...yeah...forget about that. Heat of the moment, really.



I've got a new lil baby to think about, and sadly she can indeed be poisoned.



Never hurts to be prepared. I would have been a great Boy Scout, except, you know, tiddies.



New mission for this journey: Shop in every town.



Sounds like a lovely jaunt before I spend my life savings away!



TEACH ME YOUR WAYS, MASTER.



I dunno, I haven't even looked it at yet.



Uhh....yes. "Working on it".



Any coffee secrets you have are most welcome!




Yes, but how does this all go back to the coffee?

It seems I have much left to learn.



Actually I already caug-



He then proceeds to show me how to catch a Pokemon.



It wasn't very exciting.



Yes, yes, very educational lesson about throwing things at other things.



And then I get this for some reason!



This thing can tell me why Dad left?



Lesson one: Throw things at other things.



AWW SHIT IT'S GO TIME.

I even have TWO Pokemon now, I am so ready!



God dammit. How am I supposed to prove how deadly my babies are now?!?



A piece of shit, I'll tell you that much.



I hope I get a rare mint condition Pikachu.

The other guys at the comic book store will be SO JEALOUS.



Lesson two: Throw more things at things.



Hey, a new route! And that means more tiny creatures to capture!



Gaaahhh, I already have this tiny creature!

(Duplicates Clause is in effect here. How I'll judge it is if there's a Poke Ball below its name, as seen here, I get to try again.)



God daisies, it took me like five tries to find something new here!



GET IN MY BALL



Aww yisss, got me a cute lil rat!



That

That sounds EXCESSIVELY painful!



Welcome to the team, Crisp!

Let's go see if we can find you a husbando.



This seems like as good a place as any to look!



You are not a husbando.



Kamak is just too much of a beefcake and knocked Mankey down to half health in one shot, and I'm too lazy to switch to Cori, so looks like I'm going for it.



EXCUSE YOU

I SAID GET IN THERE



That's better!

God, the things I have to put up with.



Looks like someone else could use some coffee.



And our last lady on the immediate team is Angelic!



daisies, Kamak, you playa!

Look at my little man, getting all them ladies. Just like I raised him.

Too bad he's only got eyes for Cori. Poor Crisp and Angelic!



Almost forgot to show off my new catches.

WHOOPSY



This seems like a strangely appropriate nature for Angelic.



You know what? I've got four Pokemon now! Let's go take on the Pokemon League!

Oh, but we should do some training to make sure everyone is SWOLE AS FUCK before we go.

Let's meet back here next time after we do that!

Hey guys!

So....I done goofed. The rules of the Wedlocke actually state that you're supposed to have even numbers of male and female Pokemon on your team when possible. Which means that if you have, let's say, two females and one male, you need to continue searching for a male Pokemon on a new route. So I shouldn't actually have three females and one male on my team. I ended up starting over in order to play correctly and managed to get the same Pokemon as before, but some of the names are a little different. Just pretend like nothing happened!

Episode Four: The Forest of Four Goddamn Pokemon



HEY GUYS THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE WE LEFT OFF

I JUST TRAINED MY POKEMON AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT ALL



SEE LOOK HERE'S D-VID WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN HERE



HE IS JOINED BY HIS LOVELY WAIFU CRISP WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN A MANKEY



AH YES HOW COULD WE FORGET ABOUT THE DEFINITELY A RATTATA CORI



AND HER HANDSOME HUSBANDO KAMAK HAS CHANGED IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER

WHO IS ANGELIC

I DON'T KNOW DO YOU

SHUT UP



Anyways, let's take our totally the same team to the Pokemon League!

These guys took out like SO many Rattatas and Pidgeys, we're sure to w-



GOD DAMMIT dude, you have GOT to stop doing that.



At what point did you decide it was a reasonable assumption that I suddenly started listening to you?



Your MOM doesn't have any badges!

Heh.....got him....



Oh I think I might be able to persuade him otherwise. I've got like $700 on me right now.



Like I promised last time, they're swole as FUCK.

Here, lemme show you.



Round 2

FIGHT



Well what a coincidence, I've got me one of those too!



The obvious superiority of my bird is kind of overwhelming, honestly.



Especially when you're still using little baby moves like Tackle.



Jesus, little baby moves do more than I realized.

Looks like D-vid's going to come out on top, though.



FATALITY



MOTHERFUCKER I KILLED THAT THING LAST TIME

YOU LITTLE CHEATER



Leaving you in may have been a mistake.



OH THANK GOD

Now how much can you hurt this little lizard?



Not quite what I was hoping for, but you've put in way more work than you needed to.



Now just let your sweetheart take care of the rest!



Crisp does not give two shits about your Scratch.



Get this nerd out of here, already.



OK, or it'll take a little longer now!



But the end result is still the same!



Honey, you EARNED that level.



THAT strong enough for you, Dukey old boy?



I'd say it was more like 5% luck, 5% cuteness, and 90% my Pokemon are fucking TOP TIER.



All the more reason to go! We'll make an awesome club and you won't be invited.

It'll have like an indoor pool and a big entertainment room and a mini bar. Shit's gonna be so cash.



See, you don't like fighting people and then you wonder why you lose.



I don't play by your rules.

Be yeah, time to go clubbing!

Later, second fiddle!



Oh man I can't wait to see how tough everyone else's Rattatas are.



Do you even SEE all my Lv. 9 Pokemon?

I've even got a Lv. TEN Pidgey, I am EMANATING TOUGHNESS.



LEVEL TEN PIDGEY DUDE

I am pretty sure I don't need a silly Boulder Badge.



Ugh, FINE, I'll go get some stupid badges.

Stupid rules about the stupid League so I can't make my stupid club....



Well, I obviously can't get any badges with my wallet weighing me down like this, so let's head off to Pewter City for more shopping!

But first, this place! It's right before Viridian Forest.

Hey, my Rattata can't bite things! Are you holding out on me, Cori?!?!?



Yeah, and apparently she's a smarmy little rodent!



The only question that leaves me with is how many trees I have to cut down to reach my destination.



I'm pretty sure only Duke would get himself lost in a straight line.



It seems the gods have blessed my journey through the forest.



Oh dear lord, when did these kids start losing all self-esteem?



OK, you get one of those before I send my babies after you.



But where's the fun in that? I like it when they struggle.



OK, point taken, signpost. My cheddar can be better spent than wasting my balls.



OH

FUCKING

JOY



Why don't you knock him down a few pegs, Kamak darling?



I want you to know I'm not doing this because I want to.

Also Weedles are still assholes.



But now you're MY asshole!

....Wait.



FORGOT TO TAKE A SCREENSHOT OF HIM GETTING NAMED

Welcome aboard, Noffletoff, I guess.

Well, since I have to use you, you might as well get swole as FUCK too.



This took way longer than it should have, since Noff has no waifu to fall back on.



PLEASE tell me you get more useful.



Oh shit he's going Super Saiyan!



Was all the Defense worth the loss of your cute lil button nose?



Yes, THAT is what I needed for you to be better.

Jesus Christ.

Anyways, I trained Noff up to Lv. 9 and it took even longer and that is all the grinding I can bear right now.



I'm already like five steps ahead of you, signpost. Got any other hot tips?




Oh my god it's like Professor Oak is haunting me from the great beyond.



That's why you only throw one at a time, dumbass.



Now I understand why you're here in this forest and not working a steady job as a financial consultant or something.



Yesssss, that's one less thing I have to buy for my little angels and one more thing Mama gets to buy for herself.

I think I hear some new leather pumps calling my name.




OK but I'm not responsible for any emotional trauma you suffer as a result.

Sign this waiver, please.



If you fucking poison any of my guys, I swear to god they won't find your body.



Or I could just use Kamak and eliminate the possibility entirely.



Tackle Tackle Tackle Tackle Tackle Tackle



Are you proud of what you've done today?



Well, I guess there's something to be said about you sending out the arguably better bug out last.



You

You already outspeed him.

Is this necessary?



Fine, you can make all the shitty choices you want, I won't stop you.



These are some TOP TIER Caterpie strategies right here.



Geez, finally this battle isn't COMPLETELY one-sided.



Step one: Get better Pokemon.




Oh you are clearly the cool kid in your group of friends, aren't you.



HOW WILL DUCHESS CONQUER THIS BRAND NEW THREAT



I dunno, like this I guess?



Fuck you DON'T EVEN DO IT



That's what Cori thinks about your goddamn Poison Sting.



And stay down!



OH FUCKING HELL



Just finish it off before it finally gets lucky.



Cori doesn't give ANY shits about String Shot.



Jesus girl, take it easy!



Remind me not to piss off Cori ever.



Aww, man, we may not be able to kill this thing in two hits.



But not like anything really has to change.



Yeah this strategy might have been a little better if your Weedles weren't awful at inflicting poison.



Aaaaand we're done here.



Bam, my rat just got a little bit better at being a rat.



Christ, YOU challenged ME and you're not even paying attention.



Hahahaha nooooooooope



Well, this would have been more useful, except Cori is just too good to get poisoned.



I feel so bad that these people have no idea what they're asking for.



All right, whose basic attack do I spam this time until you lose?



Yeah, sure, why not?



That's adorable.

You can go now.



Dude maybe if I send out the exact same goddamn thing I'll win

Oh yeah totally man go for it



Oh excuse me, it's ONE LEVEL HIGHER

TOTALLY different



Now, see, that actually gets you somewhere when you don't keep spamming it on end.



Oh, except Crisp doesn't give a shit about that, either.



Cry some more, pleb.



Oh daisies WHAAAAAAT

Yes

I knew that

Because I'm not 2.



Oh, just gonna draw this one out from the start, are you?



I'm serious, Crisp is looking for any sign of a shit to give, and none can be found.



You can guess how this went.



Next....



OK, she'll get the easiest level she'll ever get, THEN next.



All right, we're just backsliding now.



Boy I sure hope he doesn't do use Tackle or String Shot because after it being ineffectual for every other dumb Trainer here it'll sure ruin me now.



Ohhh noooooo

Sigh....



Just get your cheddar ready now, dude.



Scratch Scratch Scratch Scratch Scratch Scratch



Harden Harden Harden Harden Harden



Who would've guessed?



Pokemon Coliseum begs to differ.



Why is this sign even here? I have to be lectured not to steal other people's pets? I really feel like this is stuff that should have already been covered in Kindergarten!



BECAUSE I'M SICK OF ALL THESE GODDAMN BUG CATCHERS WITH THEIR FOUR SAME GODDAMN POKEMON AND I JUST WANT TO GO SHOPPING



THANK. GOD. THERE'S ONLY ONE.



Yeah.... Stupid dumb moves used by a Lv. 9 Weedle are still stupid dumb moves.



Get this nerd out of here, Kamak.



UGH

JUST DIE ALREADY



THANK YOU



Way to prove your mettle, buddy boy.



Sweet! Now you can kill things quicker and with more gusto!



A compliment from a Bug Catcher somehow makes me feel a little dead inside.



We are never coming back here again. EVER.



What's wrong with fat trees huh

SOME TREES ARE JUST BIG BONED

CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE



Well, that's what they get for fat shaming other trees.



Hahahaha why the fuck would you ever?



I repeat the previous question: Why would you EVER?



Yeah I know I just went on a rant about fat acceptance but no. As soon as my babies are able to to change into better killing machines, I'm letting it happen.



And then adorable and sassy ladies like me have to use them despite how shitty they are.

Sorry Noff.



Or I could just ignore them and get better Pokemon.

Sorry Noff.



I already got D-vid on the other side of Route 2, so Noff doesn't get a waifu yet.



Speaking of which, I decided that I don't hate myself quite enough and got the dude up to Lv. 10.



THIS ISN'T EVEN HIS FINAL FORM



I definitely like where this is going.



OH FUCK YES. I've got a giant bee motherfucker now! He feeds off the terror of his enemies.



And you learned a slightly less terrible move! Yaaaaay!



I'm pretty much worn out after that awful, awful forest, so shopping's going to have to wait until next episode.

Bye now~

Holy wall of text, batman! It seems like you're having fun though.
I'm curious about the capture rules you're working with.
Can you still fish? Is the safari zone the same as any other area?
It's pretty hard to get catch the first thing you see there.