From murdering his own allies to blowing up entire planets, Clark Fistknife is THE commando to hire 24/7.
LET'S IGNORE THE EMERALD LETSPLAY BECAUSE truth be told, I was getting tired of being forced to spend 80 minutes just taking the screenshots. That, and it was boring waiting for the good stuff. But this should be better because I actually enjoy the game and not have to take pictures every three seconds to get action in. So go on and lock/delete/whatever that thread.
EMERALD DISCUSSION ENDED.
So yeah. TIME FOR LET'S PLAYING.
We start by playing as some guy who has no relation to the main character whatsoever.
WHAT FUN!
Skipping through the intro...
This is the only time in the intro where you have control of your character.
Which is funny, you shouldn't be able to control your character in the intro.
BECAUSE IT'S WRONG.
This is the last intro picture I got because THE INTRO IS BORIN' FFFF.
So yeah, these are the assholes, I mean people I get to work with.
There's the killing machine, techo guy, and comic relief.
The gang's all here!
In summary the intro is: "HERE IS THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE YOU ARE A CLONE WHO IS A COMMANDO AND YOU ARE LEADER OF THE BEST CLONES EVER AND YOU'LL DO AS WE SAY OR YOU DIE f."
Oh boy! Is it finally playtime yet?
Daww, it's just Mr. Hologram and his transparency telling me my mission as a Commando.
But that's just shoot, kill, ask questions never
Is that an explosion behind that rock we flaw past there should not be explosions.
YES, IT'S A GREAT IDEA TO DRIVE YOUR BEST SOLDIER THROUGH THE BATTLEFIELD BECAUSE HE WON'T EXPLODE AT ALL.
LET ME OUT WHY ARE YOU DRIVING US AT THE ENEMY.
WE'RE NOT INDESTRUCTIBLE.
FFFFFF THOSE ARE TANKS.
TANKS KILL PEOPLE.
YOU ARE THE WORST DRIVER EVER.
WE NEED TO GO FASTER WHEN GIANT SPIDERS ARE GOING TO KILL US.
DON'T YOU ALL AGREE.
And then they finally stop and let me out.
So I have this pistol and the gun I held in the intro, what else do I...
OH GOD IS THAT A PUNCH KNIFE.
I LOVE THIS GAME.
From now on, I'll be known as Clark FistKnife. Killing people with the knife in his fist.
I can imagine peace agreements: "ALRIGHT NOW WE SHAKE HANDS OH WHAT IS THIS YOUR KNIFE GOT INTO MY HAND NOW I'M DYING."
I couldn't get a screen, but I got hit with bombs.
Also this guy also feels the need to tell me information I already know.
Fortunately, there's a super-convenient healing station right next to where I was hit.
Pretty lights...
NOW FOR SOME REAL SHOOTING ACTION TO THE DEATH.
CRY SOME MORE WITH YOUR TINY BABY GUNS.
It may not show, but that thing right there is a droid.
That I punched.
With my knife.
This is the BEST FREAKING GAME EVER.
I take that as an insult.
I HOPE YOU TWO ARE PREPARED FOR A PAINFUL DEATH.
HOW COME I CAN'T GET GOOD SCREENSHOTS OF KNIFING PEOPLE.
That man right there.
I knifed him.
He didn't explode, but OH WELL.
This guy's kinda cute.
I'll name him Larry GunBot.
He sure does a good job of holding still while I knife him.
I am such a heartless fiend.
YOU MEAN I GET TO USE ACTUAL GRENADES.
YESSSSSSSSS. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You see that bunker up there?
Grenades are good for making them go boom.
More of those asshole "allies" of mine Knowing them, they're probably shooting at their commanding officer.
I AM SUCH A GOOD LEADER!
So I actually have to meet this guy?
THE BEST DAY IS FORFEIT! THIS IS THE WORST DAY BECAUSE HE'S THE COMIC RELIEF AND HE'S BAD AT HIS JOB FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU.
Do you see the man up there.
He is six-two.
He is supposed to be the comic relief.
See what he's saying?
He's just standing there like a freaking Oblivion NPC.
This guy actually specializes in demolitions, so I command him to set a bomb on some rocks while I shoot stuff for science.
Oh god what is that thing it's a huge ugly bug and it wants my soul.
Despite being a giant monster bug, he's no match for my KNIFE PUNCHES!
Oh crap is that thing what I think it is.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE GIANT SPIDER EVIL THINGS AND IT'S HERE TO KILL MEEEEEEEE.
See those lasers?
Those are from a ship.
One that's carrying some more of my allies.
I'm not complaining, they killed the MONSTER GIANT METAL SPIDER.
Remember kids, if you insult me, I'm going to have to track you down and chop off your head using KNIFE PUNCHES!
The fight was so short I only got a picture of it's head and not all it's other assorted body parts that came off.
And now we reach the end of the first segment.
Six-two made a great distraction when the second bug came and I stabbed it in the back of the head. Other than that, he stood there and did nothing other than attract enemies.
A FEW THINGS TO KNOW:
- You can't die in this game, just become incapacitated. And then you have to wait for someone to revive you. So if you all start telling me to kill my squadmates, it won't work because they're essential.
Like in Oblivion.
Oh, and they'll attack me and I'll be dead because they won't be willing to revive me.
- I have TOTALLY NOT PLAYED THE GAME BEFORE.
TOTALLY.
BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING DOESN'T MEAN I'VE PLAYED THE GAME BEFORE.
AND I HATE SUPER BATTLE DROI- oops.
- There are three "worlds". Geonosis, an abandoned space ship, and Kashyyk.