AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Wait, how long was it since I last posted an episode? 13 days? Gah, sorry guys, end-of-year assignments and study are taking up too much time for me! I should have more time after the exams are over though! ...hopefully.


That... wait, what? A sandstorm? Here? C'mon, it's right next to a perfectly fine grassy area, and the sea too! Why the hell is the area all sanded up all of a sudden?!


Why would I need a protector? I''m completely immunie to any sort of physical damage here!


...wait, didn't I already get one of these too?


Y'know, the first time I came across a cave like this, I really questioned why the hell there was a perfectly square, perfectly clean, entirely empty-except-for-one-item cave in the middle of nowhere! Nowadays, it just seems like an everyday occurance to me...


A... stone.


Not like a thunderstone or anything. Just a... hard... stone.




And yet I still feel like it's meant to be used for something anway! Curse you, adventure-game-itis!


IRON!


That'd be a cuase for celebration if, y'know, they weren't EFFING EVERYWHERE ON THIS ISLAND!


Sacred? You call that bast of a land shark to be sacred?!


That... that's not a dragon type.


Actually, Trapinch always confused me. I could never tell what it was, or how it was meant to evolve into Vibrava. I mean, they look nothing alike!


See? Not even REMOTELY similar!


Yes... yes it is. That's pretty much the ENTIRE thing about RPGs; that no matter how much you suck, you can still win just by grinding enough!


How... does a stone remain shiny in the middle of a night-time sandstorm?


DUGTRIOOOOO!

I still never found out what a Dugtrio actually is. I don't mean in terms of what's underground, I mean as in how it's meant to be three Diglett somehow working in exact cooperation. How on earth does that work? And how does the back Diglett even feed?!


Fun Fact #275: Dugtrio is able to mate with a Wailord.

Yeah.


Oh come ON! Even the Pokedex doesn't show the thing below the... neck? Maybe?


Well, it's either that or the rock part of the image is actually Dugtrio's body, with nothing beneath!


I don't know whether that'd be awesome or just disturbing.


Err... long (and I mean [í]long[/i]) story short, this guy is Cyrus's grandpappy. He complains about how the end of the world nearly came about just because he didn't talk to his grandson much. Yeah, sure, because all guys who want to DESTROY THE UNIVERSE only do so because their grandad wasn't there for him.


Awwww man, look at that! There's an item on that little rock island up there AND I MUST HAVE IT!

But I hate those slopes. I mean, not just slopes in general, THOSE slopes, leading into a narrow path! You have to turn just right, twice, at full speed to be able to get up there!


Hahaha, sucker! You can't challenge me if I'm in the water!


Oh BOLLOCKS, I wasn't meant to do that!

...Wait, what? Why are you challenging me if you already know that I'm about to win? Goddamnit, you could save us BOTH a lot of time and effort by just giving up now!
Oh, right, I get it. You're one of these "play for fun" guys. God, who the hell does that anymore?!


THIS IS VERY MUCH NOT FUN!


NOT! FUN! AT ALL!


DO YOU EVEN REALISE HOW UNFUN THIS IS?!


Okay, y'know what? FUCK YOU! I WANT TO KICK YOU SO HARD IN THE CROTCH RIGHT NOW!


Oh. That was... that was actually pretty nice of him. Woo for moves that can never kill you!


More woos are in order!


...wut?

Did... did he just kill me... with a move that can never kill the opponent?!

FUCKING SANDSTORM!


...
PsyGuy didn't even do anything this match, but I still hate him right now!



FFFFFFFFF- PPMAX?!

...

C'mon, even PPmaxes are common around here? Man, I never thought getting high-level goodies would ever be so... unsatisfying.


These sorta things really would've been a huge help back in the early game though. Pity they fixed the Pick-Up ability...


Woo, Route 229! The last route to the final cityplace!
...well, resort. I guess that makes it one of the smallest cityplaces in the game.

Talk about anti-climactic.


Bah! I hate when you're just one trainer away from a necessary Pokecenter, trying to sneak out behind them, and they turn around! I thought I was done with this sorta thing since my TF2 Spy days!


Oh FANTASTIC! I'm nearly outta Pokemon and I have to go up against a Dark/Ghost type Pokemon! These bastards have NO weaknesses at all!


ITS... ITS A FLIPPING GHOST! HOW THE HELL DO YOU PARALYSE A FLIPPING GHOST?! What are those bandages made of metal and now fused together or something? Bah!


Y'know, I don't know why I don't use moves like rest or recover more often, they're seriously useful!


...oh wait, sorry, I forgot most of my team already have healing moves.

Yeah, maybe they're not that useful.


I love curse! They always use it on my sucky Pokemon, but makes my job a whole lot easier!


I do, however, HATE Will-O-Wisp!

Eh, I should probably consider it a blessing. I would've died if he had used a proper attack!


Still, y'know, shouldn't he be dead? God, I hate it when the Pokemon just has 1hp left!


Oh yeah, I missed the screenshot. Epilepsie died straight after getting burned. Yeah, I really should've switched out before Curse killed him.



BLACK PEOPLE!


Oh... umm... well that was lucky! Man, I was not expecting him to survive a Salamence attack!


Huh. Quick Claw's ability just kicked in. I guess that was also lucky!


Huh.

Anti-Grav is a hovering Deus Ex Machina.



I take back what I said abut hating 1hp Pokemon though! That was awesome!




WOO, RESORT AREA! And now I can fly to EVERYWHERE!

I mean, in this country.

Apparently Pokemon can't fly to places you've been before if they're oversea.


Although the fact that the Pokemon I use to fly me is only two feet tall might have something to do with it.



And I have now gone to EVERY Pokecenter in this game! I think my sheer selfishness regarding charitable services is an achievement in and of itself!

They're based on antlions.


They make pits in the sand to catch prey (hence "Arena Trap"). later they pupate to become the dragonfly thing.

The only difference is that the butt is its mouth!

It's an earthworm.

Deal with it.

Actually it's a mole. :I Pretty daisies sure anyway.

This mole is so friggin big, like a bubble of a pizza!

It's a mole. I think a diglett in a rescue team mentions having feet.



I saw a really really good one in serebii. But alas that was many years ago.

Ah Serebii... took away a good 2 years of my childhood with bad sprite comics and overly serious RP threads...

I forgot this thread existed...

They said it in the first one for the DS. Some pokemon grabbed Diglett and flew some. Diglett said something like "I could feel it in feet".

Nah I think it said something more like "My feet hurt"

Coincidental timing! Cuz I just got back from my last exam for a while, so I should be able to, y'know, do something now.


I mean, that isn't MineCraft related.

So anyway, I feel like it's time for a little break from all this! Barking orders at Pokemon while I stand around and do nothing suuure is tiring!

And I feel like I haven't slept in forever!


Geezus: first Calcium, now PPmaxes, and now AN ENTIRE FLIPPING HOUSE?!


...nope, sorry, that's just too outrageous. What's the catch?


Suuuuure, You just so happen to "not want it" for "no particular reason". Right.


I mean, just look at how suspicious this guy is! You know well he's hiding something!


On the other hand, FREE HOUSE WHOOOOO!


FUCK! No wonder he wanted to get rid of it - those Hoenn guys are BASTARDS!


Pfft! As if I wanted any effing Hoenn stuff!

I hear they build houses up in trees, y'know!




AAAAAND THERE'S THE REAL CATCH WITH THE HOUSE! McPants visits it!


I'm not kidding! There's no way he could've heard that I got a new Villa! He has DEFINITELY got to be visiting, like, every 5 minutes to find me here!


Oh yeah, and I got a table for free. Woo...ish.


FFFFFFFF- this place is going to be overrun with lousy NPCs now! Just great!



It's... a table.


FUCK those prices are expensive! I mean seriously, 150,000 for a bookshelf? And 120,000 for a bloody PLANT?!

Oh yeah, but if we base it off something like, say, the TV, with regular prices in the real world, then that means 1,000 Pokedollars is the equivalent to.... US$1.00

That's right! And you thought I was rich all along - I only have 70 bucks on me!



Aw, I can't pick these trees! I mean, they're part of the Villa's decoration! It'd be like going to a hotel and setting fire to the bushes!





I'm a bastard that way!


Yes, its McPants, we already established that! This is his lair!

Which probably explains why it's still just a resort and not an actual town! He likely scared off all the builder dudes!


INNUENDOES AHOY!
And keep in mind that this guy is wearing nothing but a speedo!


Well, bad jokes aside... where IS my Super Rod? No, seriously, I haven't got one yet! What the hell, game, what's the hold up already?!



What? What's this?! Someone WON'T let me barge in completely unexpected or uninvited? WHAT A SHOCK!


Hey, only I'm allowed to make fourth-wall-breaking videogame references here!

...are my jokes really that sucky?


Oh yeah, apparently they only let you in if you have 10 different types of ribbons on your Pokemon. I only have... 8... somehow.

Yeah, this is where that lonely ladyperson comes in handy.


I STILL REALLY WANT A MARILL PILLOW!




So yeah, I think I'm about done with that place. There's really nothing to do there, and I am not interested in shelling out a quarter of a million for a television when there's one pretty much everywhere else in the world!



SO BACK TO THE SAND STAGE!
(man, my jokes really ARE that bad!)


Oh very funny, game!
Smartass!


MOAR INNUENDOES WOO!


I think all these innuendoes...

...made him horny!


FFFFFFF- innuendo time is over! THIS JUST GOT FUCKING SERIOUS!


I AM GONNA KICK THAT STONE DOLL'S booty SO HARD GRAAAH!


I...

...it's a Gastrodon.

Serious time is over. I mean geez, THAT'S meant to be a threat?


SERIOUS TIME IS BACK! GOD FUCK I HATE PROTECT!


How... how did it even manage to do that much damage to PsyGuy in the first place?!

Ugh, I continue to hate this route!


A... um... what?


Ewwww, this is a piece of skin?!

But... hang on, there's no snake-like Pokemon on this route!
In fact, the only possible Pokemon I can think of that this might belong to is...

DIGLETT?!




Although it could just as well be the foreskin of a Hippowdon dong.




Ew.


Umm... sorrry, would someone like to explain why there's somehow a big patch of grass here, in this windy sandy barren area? It makes no flipping sense!


Oh yeah, now's a pretty good time to point out how the PokeRadar works. It's hard to see in that image, but you can notice a bit of grass shaking in front of me. Well that's, shockingly enough, a Pokemon. If you defeat or capture it, more grass starts shaking, which contain the same Pokemon! The more you keep 'chaining' like this, the higher the chance of a shiny appearing! This goes on until you run or come across a different Pokemon in the non-shaking wild grass.
Also, you can find some not-capturable-anywhere-else Pokemon using the Radar too!


....yup, its skin is the same colour as the Shed Shell

I will never look at Hippowdons the same way again...




.....
FFFFFFFFFFFFFF- I WANT THAT!

I WANT IT I WANT IT
I WANT IT I WANT IT
I WANT IT I WANT IT
I WANT IT I WA-AAAAAAAH CRAP I FORGOT ITS ONE OF THE HARDEST POKEMON IN THE GAME TO CATCH DAMNIT!


I said it before, but it's such a bast to catch because, not only is it over level 50, but its only move is Take Down, which means it'll kill itself at low HP! And it's got a bunch of resistances, most notably against False Swipe! And it's in an eternal sandstorm (well, eternal unless you use a weather move)!
Oh, and did I mention it has the same odds of successfully being caught by a Pokeball as Arceus?! I mean god daisies!


So my plan of attack comes in three parts: first, I put him to sleep.


Then, I UTTERLY WAIL ON HIM WITH FALSE STRIKE! That's always the fun part. Except that he's MADE OF STEEL!

I still have no idea how I'm meant to fight Giratina a second time. ...hopefully without it committing suicide again!


Phase three: switch to a ghost Pokemon before it wakes up! That way, the bloody thing won't end up killing itself as soon as it attacks!

Man, if Take Down WASN'T a Normal-type move, I would be sooo screwed!


Aaaand phase four: THROW LOADS AND LOADS OF DUSK BALLS AT IT!

Okay, lets keep count. I have 16 Dusk Balls, including that one I just threw. So...




















FUCKING HELL!

Okay, so to summarise: I have one Dusk Ball left, after which I'm gonna have to use the only-half-as-good (bodaciously) Ultra Balls, Machineria is gonna die next turn if I don't heal him, and Beldum only has about 2 or 3 PP left before he goes the Way Of The Giratina!



Hollywood Reality, don't fail me now!



FUCK! YES! Now THAT is how its done!


It's... it's an Iron Ball Pokemon.

No, that's ACTUALLY it's species type! Iron Ball!


MANLINESS YEAH!


Pfffft, as if anyone would actually use a Beldum! I'm just here for the bragging rights.


....huh. I think this was actually the first time, ever, where someone actually made reference to being able to see Pokemon levels and stats!

MILESTONE!

I wonder if I should ask him of his opinion on shorts. Or the distance to Brock.


POWERHOUSE CONTINUES TO GROW MORE POWERFUL AND MORE HOUSELIKE!


D'AWWW, WHAT A CUTE LITTLE KITTEN!


I'm surprised I haven't actually come across any feline Pokemon up until now, actually! I mean, that's the sorta thing you'd expect to see towards the start of the game!


OH FLUG! Isn;t tat the brother of the Sandslash I killed earlier in this episode! OH KARMA!


OH FIRST STRIKE ITEM!


Once again, Karma proves that it has NO power over the Random Number God! TAKE THAT, COMPETING RELIGION!


Gee... thanks... I feel so welcome...





Yeah, I went back to the resort. But hey, free healing!

USE THE daisies BELDUM

I WASTED SIXTY POKEBALLS AND DIDN'T CATCH IT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE SOME UNGRATEFUL BASTARD AND NOT USE IT