AWKWARD ZOMBIE

To slow.

Way back when I was a wee tyke and was messing around with my cousin's OoT. I tried the final fight and had my booty handed to me, repeatedly.

mander i was drinking fruit punch

when you started speaking spanish it took every fiber of my being to not spit it at my screen because i was laughing so hard.

Mander have I ever told you how much I love you?

Because every single time you update I am loving you a little bit more.

That's either Ganosedorf or Sheik. It sounds slightly threatening.



I turn around and-



It's Sheik's butt.





Anyone else laughed hard to that one?

I sure did, and still do I think I'll continue to laugh at this whenever I play OoT. Just can't get those pictures out of my head, they're like stickers you suddenly realize you'll never get off your furniture. Seriously

Was totally thinking the same thing. Best land.

Oh boy oh boy, Best Bridge is comin' up. You know what that means guys.

[spoiler]We all get to perform a play[/spoiler]

this LP is the best LP

Does anyone else read the title of this LP as Lonks Breast Adventure?

I did


For like 10 seconds

I could not help reading all those lines out loud in a Telemundo voice. I was cracking up.

Also my grandmother lives for spanish soap operas. Hah ha ha.

TIME TO GO, LADIES

INSERT THE THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE MUSIC OF YOUR CHOICE



Rauru is in my brain.



BY THEIR POWERS COMBINED, I. AM.

A BRIDGE



It starts raining sparkles.

I can feel the masculinity plummeting.



ALL ABOARD THE RAINBOW BRIDGE

I could make a Robot Unicorn reference her but I'm too masculine for that.



Oh who am I kidding

ALWAAAAAAAAAAYS~



Castle is successfully infiltrated.

Surprising lack of resistance.



It seems that the barrier is powered by six beams, each corresponding to a temple I have conquered and a Sage I rescued.

I think I'll go about this in reverse order.



Ergo, I will do the rooms in the order of Spirit, Shadow, Water, Fire, Forest, and then Light.



The first room of Spirit contains many spinny deadly things and statues and lasers.



The room is conquered easily.



Beyond it there are fire slug things.



and beyond those, a switch that I cannot reach.

This is quite puzzling.



That slot near the roof is probably my clue. A well-aimed Bombchu should get me to that switch.



Lo and behold, it works.



This room is filled with Sun Switches, but no light to switch them with.



Ah, this must be the root of the problem.



A bit of fire brings light to the room.

I reflect it into the nearest switch.



Hitting the wrong one seems to summon Floormasters.

I do not like this castle already.



After two Floormaster summons, I hit the right switch.

You know, if I had designed this castle, I would have made ALL the switches summon Floormasters.



Huh.

This thing looks magical, and very fragile.



the obvious course of action is to SHOOT IT



I think I broke it.

Here's hoping it explodes spectacularly.



Sparkles.

This is the LEAST masculine dungeon in the history of dungeons.



Nabooru shows up. One of the six barriers is down.



I get warped outside, to the main room.

Time to head to the shadow room.



This room is spectacularly empty.



A quick fire arrow changes that.



Gotta navigate these platforms quickly, there's a time limit.



I dodge the like-like.

I would feel pretty guilty if I had to run out and buy a new tunic right in the middle of World-Saving.



This trail is rather precarious. It's not even visible without the Lens of Truth.



I manage to navigate it.



Another strange bulb is destroyed with Light Arrows.



This room is overseen by Impa.



Before I leave, there's something I must examine. There's a switch here.



And now I seem to be pretty well and stuck.



I think I can get my Longshot onto that Chest.



It works.



I wonder what'll end up here. Probably just a map.



THIS IS NOT A MAP



NOT AT ALL A MAP

I AM GOING TO GO USE THESE ON SOMETHING



This pillar looks very un-lifted.



MASCULINITY POINTS x90



x100



THIS IS NOW THE MANLIEST DUNGEON



Oh, the Spirit Room was behind.

Good thing I got these, then.



Back across the Harmony Bridge.

I saw something out here I can use the Gauntlets on.



This is where I met that Great Fairy waaaaaay back at the beginning of the game.

It makes sense Ganon would seal her up.



Time to go in. Maybe she'll have a neat trick to give me.



And lo, the original Benevolent Bosoms return.



Wouldn't that have been nice to give me at the beginning of the quest, instead of just now?

You could have saved me a lot of trouble.



But who cares! I'm an iron skinned, stone throwing, sword wielding, BADASS.

Old Nosey had better watch his back.

Or his face. Because that's where I'm going to stab him.



Back into the castle. It's Water Room time.



Except it's actually the Ice Room.

Oh well. I have to say I like this better.



I kind of missed this blue fire stuff. It was fun.



melting stuff, away.



This room has a block puzzle.

It's pretty generic.



I do have to pull out my old Megaton Hammer once, though. Haven't used this guy in a while.



Another mysterious bulb room.



I cannot help but go "Pschoo" when these things pop.



Ruto shows up.

What is that on my shoulder.



Warped outside. Time for the Fire room.



I am already filled with hate.



That platform in the middle sinks while I stand on it.

It isn't fun.



And suddenly all my hate for this room vanishes.



When this is all over I can start a moving company.

I can just pick up people's houses and BOOM!

I'll be a millionaire.



It also makes a convenient platform to get that Silver rupee over there.



All Rupees are collected, and I get through the door.



Pschoo



Darunia shows up. Fire Seal is unlocked.



Two more rooms. Forest is second to last.



Another Wolfos. I barely remember when these were a threat.



I light up all the torches with Din's Fire, plus one above the door that takes a Fire Arrow.



With this room, I assume that I have to use the Hover Boots to get blown around.

Funny, I don't remember having the Hover Boots in the Forest Temple.



My hunch is correct. I get blown around a lot.



Room is defeated. No room is safe from Lonk.



Yet another thing to Pschoo.



Saria's body makes for an awkward position while levitating.



One barrier left.



The Spirit room is unpredictable. There's no associated temple, so who knows what could happen.



Invisible spiders.

Have to say I did not see that coming.



Invisible Keese, too.



I am going to destroy them all, despite their invisibility.



CHOP TO BITS



Small key obtained in an entirely legal way. No guilt for me.



Beats dropped.



Now this is a security system. Rolling boulders, a cramped space, and item collection.

If I was anyone but myself, this would be game over.



Unfortunately, I am Lonk, and this is pathetically easy.



Huh, there's a room, but no Pschoo thingy.



There is a Floormaster though.



Hah, now that's what I call security. Anyone without the ability to see through walls would have been stumped.

On the downside this means Ganosedorf is slightly smarter than I thought.



The last Pschoo thingy is found.



This one belongs to Rauru.



That's the last of them.



The barrier goes down in one of the most seizuriffic displays I've ever seen.



TIME TO RAID THE TOWER



Quiet organ music plays.

Shit is getting real.



[S]Lonk: Ascend



A room. What foe shall I face here?



Two foes.

Dinalfoes, do be specific.



They are agile little buggers.



And they attack as a pair, unlike the less spiky Lizardmen.



Of course, teamwork goes down the crapper when your partner gets slaughtered.



Lizards defeated. What shall be thrown at me next.



The next room brings Stalfos.



You guys aren't even worth Screenshots anymore.



I grab a key.

Next room go.



Oh my.

Two Iron knuckles.

This may be difficult, and that is saying something.



Right guys?



Hello?

I'm somewhat offended. I need to get these guys in motion.



Hey, White Iron Knuckle, I banged your mother.

And your sister.

Also several of your sisters friends.

And most of your female friends too.

At the same time.



My clever ruse works.



After this is all said and done I'm going to have to make good on that insult.



White Knuckle goes down.

Hey Black Knuckle, what's the difference between your Sister and a free round of Golf?



Black Knuckle is none too pleased with my joke.

He isn't too pleased with my blade in his face either.



He is lack-of-pleased to death, in fact.



I leave the thoroughly burned Knuckles behind. The Organ Music is getting louder.



The Organ reaches a crescendo.



It's time to rock.

LONK.

YOU CAN DO IT, LONK.

CHOP OFF THAT GIANT NOSE AND HANG IT OVER YOUR FIREPLACE.

Oboy oboy oboy season finale

I am so excited
YOU CAN DO IT LONK

Might want to fix that to Light room.

Amazing and hilarious update Mander. Can't wait for the showdown.