AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Maybe those references will arrive when Gordon gets more wepons.

Or meets zombie ghoasts.

NEXT, ON G-MOD READER'S THEATRE:

HALF LIFE: FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES

A VIDEO OF THE INFAMOUS FAN-FICTION

for extra fun, turn off the cross hair and don't reload like you have ocd

It's hard to ignore the people shouting "Doctor Freeman! You gotta reload!" in your ear all the time in later chapters. Plus, if you've ever played a shooter online, you kinda learn to automatically reload, even if you've shot only a single round of your current clip.

And for some reason I always reload at the most inconvenient times.

IT KEEPS HAPPENING

Let's play a game.
It's called "Look at my health drastically changing from image to image and see how bad I am at keeping myself above 50".

[spoiler]Ravenholm[/spoiler]

You are going to have OOOOOOODLES of fun here.

Sorry for not posting the next update yet, but I have been rather busy in the last two days.

It's coming later tonight, I promise.

Hey AZ, whaaat time is it?

UPDATE TIME



I exit, and start heading through the massive junk-pile that stands in my way.
The way through mostly consists of breaking through wood.
It's pretty uneventful until-



Holy shit.
Is that a skull
And what is happening to that bird





FFFFUUUUUUU-
WHAT IS THAT THING
IT JUST ATE THAT BIRD
THAT IS JUST TERRIFYING...
...AND GROSS.
In order to calm my nerves, I decide to brush up on my Shakespeare.



Alas, poor civilian!
I knew him not, crowbar.
Perhaps a fellow of sadness, of great troubles: he hath borne the burden of the world on his back a thousand times; and now, how lost to the imagination he is!




I kill the thing attached to the roof, and it bodaciously dies by puking it's guts out. Ew.
From now on, I'm calling these thing Puketounges.



Continuing on, I hear the struggles of some civilians, followed by the inevitable gunshots.



That's rather gory.
In fact, let's play a game from now on.
It's called 'Count all the dead/dismembered/charred civilian bodies'.
The count is now at 2.



I suddenly find myself under attack from all angles, by officers and a fucking HELICOPTER.





C'mon guy, 4 to 1?
That's just not fair!
...
FOR YOU.



This pipe is very sinister.
I wonder what's inside.



GAAAH THERE ARE MORE OFFICERS INSIDE



WHO'S THAT POKEMON??



IT'S A COMBINE!!



At the end of the pipe, I find this station, which is one of the hubs for the underground railroad.
I pick up some medkits and walk to a radio that is still transmitting.




Station 8?
STATION 8?
STAAAATIIIIOOOON 8!!!!!



I climb up a ladder near the table and find myself near the turret those guys were using.
Before I killed them.



And here come the combine.

MY TURRET BRINGS ALL OFFICERS TO THE YARD
AND THEY'RE LIKE
OH GOD MY HEART
daisies RIGHT, I SHOT YOU IN THE HEART






That was extremely satisfying.



I finally take care of all the Combine, and then make it to the other side.



There are many more Puketongues in here.



But not for long.



I emerge from the tunnel just in time to see a Combine car-tank roll by.
They must really want me dead.



I try to keep going, but then this woman in a pipe stops me.
I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO, WOMAN-IN-A-PIPE.



Have fun with that.
I bet you'll be next to die.
That's what you get for sitting in a pipe all day.



I walk through another pipe and see these two talking above me.



Despite the fact that I shot them from below, they seem to thing that the shots came from somewhere up there.
What idiots.



Moving onwards, I find another water room.
Whoop-de-doo.



The two idiots actually wise up to the fact that I am below them and not above them by dropping flaming barrels into the water I am trying to swim through.
THERE IS A CLUSTERFUCK OF EXPLOSIONS



I take on the two officers in a battle that is longer and more damaging to me than I would care to admit.




The ending, however, is VERY satisfying.



I climb out of the pipe, and I am faced with, to no one's surprise MORE OFFICERS.



Look at how brave he is, jumping down into the middle of the battle.
He must think he's a hero.



Pfft, who am I kidding?
He's has worse skills than the rest of them.



I see an opportunity, and it's name is 'Flammable'.



THERE IS YET ANOTHER CLUSTERFUCK OF THE EXPLODING NATURE.



I make my way up to this tunnel while taking HEAVY fire.



Great, more Puketounges.
I am careful to avoid them.



I turn the corner and FFFFFFUUUUUU-
LOOK AT ALL THOSE.
LOOK AT THEM
I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LOOK AT THEEEEM!



Wait, this gives me an idea.



I roll a barrel down the incline and wait for one to grab it.
Wait...
I rolled...a barrel...
Looks like I just...

Did a barrel roll.
YEEEEAAAAAAH




Anyway, BOOM!



Oh, that is just nasty.



Oh, look at that.
Medkits.
And another body.
There is also another body at my feet.

The count is now at 4.

(Note: this is not the end of the update, I just have something to do that just now came up. The rest will be posted in a relatively short update later today.)

It's nice how there always seem to be medkits nearby in HL2 just when you need them. It's like a reversed rule or something...

I have medkits on HL2 when I don't need them.

AND NOW, FOR THE MEDIOCRE CONCLUSION TO A 2-PART UPDATE THAT ENDED UP BEING 3 PARTS DUE TO EVENTS UNFORSEEN.



I climb past the corpses and up to the top of the tunnel.
I am greeted with my FAVORITE obstacle, WATER.
I jump in, expecting the worst.



And of course, the worst finds me.



After avoiding even more underwater-exploding-clusterfuck goodness, I make it to a ladder not far away.



My goal is that grate that was apparently ripped open by the Incredible Hulk.



But first, I've got to take care of these jokers.



Done and done.



Seriously, who made these holes? This is suppossed to be a path for the underground railroad, but unless they have rocket launchers, I DOUBT they could bend metal of this durability.




Hmm, this could be a problem. It seems I am trapped.




This gives me an idea...

SEVERAL CINDERBLOCKS LATER



Aww yeah.
Now THIS is why I have an MIT level education.
To do physics puzzles in sewers while running from law enforcement.



FREEDOM!



adksihfjioasbvruHELICOPTER
It swoops down and then flies away, so I'm safe for now.
I keep walking and-




GODDOMN IT NOW ITS SHOOTING AT ME FFFFFUUUUU-



I decide to run awaaaaay into that blue door on the right.



I get inside and shut the door behind me, partly out of courtesy, partly to keep the helicopter from shooting me in the back.



I turn and face the hallway before me.
I decide to climb down where the lambada (That yellow, spray-painted symbol) is.



I climb down the ladder and find some medkits and-ohheylookisthatanotherbodyIthinkitis.
We are now at 5.



I climb back up and continue.
Is that water around the corner?
Let's find out, because-



FUCK.
CHARRED BODY, DEAD AHEAD.
DESPITE THE AWFUL PUN I JUST MADE, THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.



He's just propped up against the wall, STARING AT ME WITH HIS DEAD, NON-EXISTENT EYES.
IT'S TERRIFYING.



Now it's fixed.
Also, 6 bodies.



I'm scared to go in there, but I feel like I must.
Here goes...



Why, are those some medkits up ahead?



Why yes those were medkits.
And a body, which puts us at 7.



I exit the Wonderful World of Water and go to the next hall, which is filled with more Puketounges.
I avoid them, due to lack of flaming barrels.



HMM, I WONDER WHAT'S IN THIS DARK CORRIDOR.



And you thought there would be another body.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
EXIT THE CORRIDOR NOW, AND WE'LL THROW IN...





THREE CHARRED BODIES, ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY FREE!
IT'LL BRING YOUR BODY COUNT UP TO 10!
YOU'D HAVE TO BE DEAD TO NOT WANT AN OFFER LIKE THIS!



There is another Puketounge hall in my way.
There are flammable barrels this time, but I still move around them.



And with that, I make my escape.



I emerge back onto the ledge, within firing range of the helicopter.
I decide to continue running for my life.



I go through ANOTHER door and end up in ANOTHER hallway.
And with this corpse, I take our body count...
UP TO ELEVEN.



Got a blocked passageway?




Solve it, with dangerous explosives!



I continue on to find this garbage barricade.



It doesn't last long against my mighty crowbar.
Inside, there is a one-man underground railroad station.



No shit.




Haha, yeah, of course not! There's no possible way he could ever fight through at least 35 Combine soldiers and survive a helicopter attack.
Nope.





SUDDENLY, MANHACKS.
THREE OF THEM.



These bladed cousins of the flying cameras are no match for my crowbar of AWESOME.




Someone actually doing a nice thing for me?
Wow...
I'm...I'm touched.
And with that, I shall leave you.

AND THUS CONCLUDES PART 3 OF 2.
TUNE IN NEXT UPDATE, SAME HALF-CHANNEL, SAME HALF-TIME.

Hurry up and get to the airboat

Airboat is the best character in the whole series

I'm sorry, but you seem to have forgotten about the generic and identical scientists from the first game who are good for nothing but dying in hilariously incompetent ways, like falling down elevator shafts.
They are the best.

Haha, yeah, the airboat part is probably the greatest. I once created a map for Portal featuring the airboat.

Yes, the connection might not seem all that obvious at first, but I did it for a school project where we had to either create a new game in Gamemaker or a level for an existing game, and I created an airboat portal map. Got me a pretty good note too.

GIVE THAT TO ME

I MUST PLAY IT