AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Th mental image of someone being forced to post at shovel-point is
it's just
it's amazing

Chapter 4: I Shot the Sheriff, But I Did Not Shoot The Deputy



I need to find this deputy.



And I already have people shooting at me.



Please, you're not nearly man enough to satisfy me.



Eat this, fucker.



What do we have here?



This should be simple.



I was right.



Oh boy, STUFF.



Looks like Slick here doesn't like me taking his shit.



Too bad he can't do anything about it.



Damn, bobby pins will not help me here.



Alright, let's deal with the leader of these rejects. Let's see if this dynamite I've been stockpiling is worth a damn.



How do you like me now, assholes?



Somehow, this one's armor protects him from DYNAMITE.



Guess I have to do this the old-fashioned way.



Man, I didn't kill anyone with those sticks of dynamite.

Fuck you, dynamite.



Did you bozos purposefully choose the most ridiculous headgear possible?



I DON'T want to see your war face.

I mean, oh my god.



Looks like that's all of th-

Is that... were they cooking an entire brahmin?

I don't want to know.



Ah, here you are.



I could be here to kill you, you never know.

And I will, if you ever say something that stupid again.

You must be the deputy.



Wish I could say the same.



I'll bet you would, but I need some information first. Some Vegas guy shot me, what do you know about him?



Good, then tell me.



Right, of course.



If you try to make a run for it, I swear to you my shovel will find its way up your asshole.



Dude, why are you sneaking.



The convicts are all DEAD.



Whatever.



WHOA, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN BUDDY.



You know what, at this point, I just don't care anymore. Tell people that you single-handedly rescued ME from the big bad prison escapees. Just fucking tell me what you know.



What?

YOU'RE THE SHERIFF NOW.

You shoot bad guys, enforce the law. This is your town now.



I'm going to go find a chain of command.

And I'm going to beat you to death with it.



Wonderful. Any leads? Can you at least be somewhat useful?



I guess we're going to prison.

On second thought, I guess I'M going to prison.



You're going to interview the next sheriff, when you yourself won't even take the job.

I give up with you, man.

Hey, WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE.

TELL ME.

ABOUT.

THE PEOPLE.

WHO SHOT ME.



Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill...



The word kill has lost all meaning now.



You think?



Novac it is, then.



If I never talk to that dumbass again, it will be too soon.



Time to start walking.



I miss walking.



What's that over there?



Garbage. Great detour, Allison.



I don't even want to know.



Oh good, I can see the prison from here.



Looks pretty small, I shouldn't have any trouble finding Meyers.

Hopefully he's not as trigger happy as his colleagues.



OW, FUCK, THEY CAN SEE ME.



Shovel time, bitches.



CAN YOU DIG IT?



Let's see if I can get those assholes in the towers.



Nope.



Luckily they aren't all smart enough to stay away from me.



Turns out their dynamite is much more effective than mine.



And they just keep throwing it.



I pull myself together long enough to finish these losers off.



Let me just patch myself up, then I'll head inside. I picked a key up from one of their corpses.



CANDYGRAM FOR MONGO.



Fuck you...



Fuck you...



You're cool...



And fuck you.



I'm just getting smarter and smarter.



I guess that's why.



Well, you're the only one that hasn't pulled a gun on me, so I guess you're not averse to conversation?



Looking for trouble, apparently. What happened here?





Well, you're alive and they're dead, so I guess you made the right choice.

How'd you end up in here in the first place?



So I've heard.



A man after my own heart. Too bad I don't swing that way.



As it turns out, Primm's in need of a sheriff, and I think you'd make a good one.



I can't speak for the NCR or the residents of Primm, but I'll do what I can.



I'm pretty sure, uh...



I'm pretty sure these guys are all partied out.

P-A-R-T-Y
WHO'S GOT THE PARTY
THE PARTY ISN'T HERE

What a party animal you are.

I don't really have a choice at this point but to post another update soon, it's clear I'm not gonna get another page to work with.

Dunno why, but I always took the Dino Toy with me. I keep it on a shelf in the Lucky 38.

I just love New Vegas!
I hope to see you join the Legion!
(I would say Yes Man, but everyone does Yes Man.)

I didn't do Yes Man

I chose NCR.

Still mad I couldn't use my army of securitrons to help them

Chapter 5: I'm On The Highway To Hell



Well, I think I've gathered up enough parts to fix that eyebot.



Let's see if it works.



Hot damn. ED-E, I'm going to call you Jango from now on.



Now to get back on track.



I think I have to head down to some outpost and talk to some NCR guys about getting Meyers his pardon.



Until then, I guess the convicts are still my problem.



I wish you guys were competent.



"Nevada Highway Patrol Station" sounds like a weapons stash to me.



I'm not the only one that thinks so.



Jackals. Aren't you guys cannibals or something?



I need to remember this little welcome mat when I find a place of my own.



More Jackals. Fucking hooray.



Looks like this place has a bit of a pest problem as well.



Holy shit Jango, I didn't know you could set shit on fire.



Look Jango, more insects to set on fire.



We've graduated to arachnids.



BIG arachnids, holy shit.



This one takes its death scene a bit too dramatically.



Remember kids: in the post-apocalyptic wasteland it's not looting, it's scavenging.



Even if what you're scavenging is cash money.



Is that a statue?



Oh, my mistake, it's two statues shaking hands.



No big deal. Just a few escaped convicts, raiders, and poisonous superbugs.

Where am I?



Sounds like a barrel of laughs.



A bar? Thank god, I was worried about raider attacks and shit like that, but at least I can get wasted in the meantime.



Welcome to the Mojave Outpost.



First things first.



Hello, I will take ALL of your whiskey please.



Well look at what we've got here. I think I'll take that.

While I'm here, know where I can find some jobs?



Alright, I'll go-



Well, hello there, cowgirl. You come here often?



Whoops, this might be harder than I thought.



Okay, maybe I was a bit unclear with my intentions there, but, uh...

How about a drink?



Now you're speaking my language.



Or maybe not.



I think I'm even more attracted to you now.



I am in fact a pretty tough bitch. Did I tell you about the time I got shot in the face?

So what are you doing wasting your time here?



Fuck, that's harsh.





Jackson?



A building without a bar? That's like a hooker without a-

Wait, what do you mean you had to edit that joke out? Come on, that was gold.



I think that bodes ill for my going to ask him for work.



I think that was the outfit Ringo was working for.



The bartender mentioned you had a job for me. Also that you were a huge bitch.



Walking is basically 90% of my job, and I've got Jango to be my eyes.



I'm heading to Nipton anyway. I'll go check it out.



If it's Powder Gangers, I'm just gonna go ahead and waste them for you.



Let's see what's in here.



Um, Courier?



Fine. I need some repairs done, do you guys do that?



NCR bureaucracy. Never change, guys.



You must be Jackson.



From what I've heard, there's not a lot of passing through going on either.



It wasn't that bad, really. Maybe I ought to go do your job for you, though?





Bugs? Pffft, I can handle bugs.



The bureaucrats won't take kindly to you losing those supplies, I'm sure.

I'm not complaining, though.



Good thing I always carry my own bug zapper.



Eat grenade, you little shit.



OWWkay, I kind of fucked up and caught myself in one of those blasts and now I think my leg might be broken.



Thank you all for piling up together so I can catch you all in one blast.



Shit, that was my last one.



I'll finish this the old-fashioned way.



I need to stock up when I get a chance.



More ants, eating an enormous radscorpion.



Even though I never seem to get a good shot of Jango at work, we're basically wasting these things 50/50.



And now insects of the two-legged variety.



Good thing you guys go down faster than a New Reno hooker.



Suicidal overconfidence, a common symptom of wasteland madness.



This is the most shots I've ever had of battling a single person. Fucking metal armor.



Just lay down, you're embarrassing yourself.



At the end of the day, I'm just a swinger with a drinking problem.



Come on Jango, you couldn't take care of these guys?



I think most wastelanders suffer a debilitating allergy to shovels.



I think I pull off the metal look quite nicely.



Jacklyn is most definitely not a Jackal in disguise.



I actually missed that fight. I was a little bit busy with my own. The one where I plowed down five armored raiders with only a shovel.

You should have been there.

You alright?



It's almost like you're walking through a nuclear wasteland.



Oh, he must be one of those special freaks who collect these star bottle caps.

I had to beat to death the last psycho that was stalking me for those things.



Alright, see you later. Kind of nice meeting someone out here who doesn't want to kill-



OW FUCK WHAT.



ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.



Thanks for having my back there, Jango.



I guess this is the last guy you conned for his caps.



Nipton looks like an improvement on my situation after all this.



Jackpot?



This place has a lottery?



And they're still running it after all this... fire?

What kind of lottery is this?





Okay, I'm going to go see if the rest of the town is a bit more sane than you.



Signs point to no.



WHAT THE FUCK.



WHAT IS WHAT WHAT WHY WHAT.



I think I've hit the low point in my career.

Explosions are the only true pest control.

Effective AND safe.

Except when you blow your leg off.

So I played through to Novac to get my next update ready, and for some reason my computer just decided not to save any of the screenshots I took.

If Steam fucks up its upload, then there's gonna be a nice big gap in the action.

Restart the LP