AWKWARD ZOMBIE

... ... I want...

In my pants.
:awesome:

...I'm sorry.

I'm getting behind reading this.

Y'know, I really am concerned about those Magikarp. Not because they're literal fish out of water, but that they apparently have trouble surviving outside of it! C'mon, even regular Magikarp aren't that retarded!


Ah, no wonder all the Magikarp piled up here! They must have been trying to squirm their way over to the HP Up, and become slightly less pathetic than before!

Yet they all failed to do so...


Hmm... still no sign of the plot anywhere...

I should probably head back to the Professor. He might know where it got to.


At this point, I have used Staravia so much that it's nearly reached maximum happiness!


Oh, I remember this place!


Wait, I live here. Yet I haven't come here since, geez, AGES ago!


Well... they got beaten up SEVERAL times over, and two of them are out cold... so yeah, they're generally okay.


You made dinner? For the two of us? But I've been gone for two months! Geeeeezus, how old IS that stuff?!


Huh, why? You didn't send out another stalker after me, did you? I mean I've had enough trouble on my hands as it is with McPants!



Ahhhhh yes, Route 201. It's been a long time between drinks, old friend!


Why did I utterly hate this route anyway? It seems pretty swell to me...


Oh yeah, that's why...


I felt it was the only way to do it justice!


More...

Wait, I never caught this guy? Holy CRAP how did I miss them?! I mean they're on the first effing route and all!


After pretty much the easiest capture in recorded history...


So its really weak, really small, has REALLY short legs, and makes a sound everytime it walks? Geez, and here's me thinking the insta-splode Gravelers should be an endangered species!


Just like the one for this LetsPlay, apparently..... *sniff*



Oh hey, look! Plot has arrived!


...
Well that's a pretty sucky plot. Although considering this is a Nintendo game, its rather expected that I would need to save the female character at some point...


FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!


Oh HEY, this is the first time that Gallade and Gardevoir have been seen in the same battle! That's something of a milestone, right?


Hang on...

Galactic Grunts were actually hired to lose battles?!
Dear god, it all makes sense now!


Oh, that's pretty clever, actually! I was suspecting that this game was rather devoid of humour...

Well, except the "My Pokemon Is Fight" painting. Which... I... didn't actually screencap...


Well CRAP! Two Psychic Pokemon against two Dark Pokemon! So I guess there actually is a reason people prefer to have a diverse team...
I just thought they were trying to be politically correct!


Aaaaand... bollocks! I seriously hate it when they use poison; not because it gives THEM any better a chance of winning, but that its a real bast to deal with in the long run for me!


Oh ho.... yeah, you already made an 'orbit' joke. I know its tempting to keep going with the same formula once you get it right the first time, but stop it or we'll have to start calling you Madden!


Aw c'mon, we're miles away from Eterna City! Why are you STILL pointing out the obvious?


WHAT?! I am appauled! I do not love her! Just because I want to bang her and all doesn't mean I actually like her!


Aaand once again, the head leader of this force refuses to stock more than three Pokemon. I've actually managed to run out of jokes to make about that now!


Alright, see? I'm already poisoned! SURELY you should be able to put up at least a half-decent fight against me...


Or... apparently not.

I'm gonna go sit over here now. Tell me when you're actually ready to make an effort.


Aw hell, not Bronzor again! I'm not wasting any time trying to beat this guy the normal way...


RUNNING-JOKE TO THE FACE!


Oh crap! Its the return of the fat cat! And it looks rustled!


Oh crap! It can actually deal damage this time!


Oh crap! It... went down as fast as it did last time.

Well that was anticlimactic.


Oh yeah, the Galactic HQ! I never did raid that place, did I?

Well we can all predict where the plot is going to go next!


Why? Are we actually supposed to be concerned about McPants' safety? I mean c'mon, even the Pokemon Company hate his guts!


O...kay, the plot just took a sudden detour...


Once again, Staravia gets put to extensive use in getting me out of hellhole places!


Yeah, back at the ruins place with no actual interesting features whatsoever.
The third lake is somewhere about North West of here.


Methinks its best that an actually capable Pokemon gets used for this journey!


And off we go! Onwards into... that.. mountain again.


Oh geez, by the time this adventure is over I'll be COVERED in bat bites!

I always hated that daisies mountain, getting lost in it when trying to get to Snowpoint, getting lost when trying to get to spear-pillar. The maps are completely useless, anyway, it's not like it gives you maps of the actually cities and towns, let alone caves or anything.

That's it!!! Every single pokemon game I get in the future will be played in the same sort of way you play Platinum!

The only somewhat clever name I've ever given a pokemon was naming my Torterra, Tortilla....

No update today guys, but expect a double one tomorrow...

Or today, by GMT time. Its pretty late.

I know I said a double episode today, but it turns out today was worse than yesterday for me. So no.


And one again, Route 211 remains the most boring route in the history of mankind.


Ah yes, boulders! Steelix should really come in handy here!

Because, y'know, my Balls got a lot of exercise!


Awwww fuck, they're widespread out here!


Oh. Hm. Turns out I forgot to heal when I was back at the town. Geez, that's normally the first thing I do...


LOOTINARY!

And at first I had doubts that the move would actually have any use. Not only did it net me a Metal Coat, but it allowed me to make yet another extremely lame pun!



I went back and healed. As expected, really.
And Route 211 still doesn't seem to show any action. Or Pokemon, even. Not even a Bidoof!

That's why its my favourite route so far!


I've got very strong Balls!


I can smash boulders with my Balls!


Wow, this Pokemon just keeps on giving with the innuendo jokes!


Awwww fuck, another Defog area!

Its a lot like Flash. Not in any way necessary, but it is in every way a major annoyance!


Wait... those things are wild? Geez, they look practically human! This is the most blatant case of racism I've ever seen!



Oh... yay... more exploding rocks. Cause, y'know, nothing says pop flyin' BIRTHDAY than a surprise ROCK EXPLOSION! YAAAY!


I found... sand.

Apparently, sand is an item now. An item work keeping!


Oh phew, I'm out of the foggy patch!

Why does that place have fog anyway? I mean, I know fog often occurs at mountains, but isn't it usually higher up, and outside? Not inside and several feet below sea level...


Its a... cave? Inside a cave? Well I guess you see something new every day!


Oh hm. Its another one of those perfectly square caverns. I still get the feeling they're meant to be there for a reason...


Ahh, fresh air, warm sun, and... snow? Just a few minutes ago it was green and sunny, now its heavy snow? Geez, this place has a more bipolar environment than a SquareEnix game!

Well alright, not that much, but still...


GHOST BUSTERS!

Wait, that's not how the song goes...


Apparently, the weather even affects how a battle goes. After 16 turns of fighting, you're completely out for the count!
Imagine in a real battle, if no matter what you did, you were automatically KOed after attempting to throw 16 punches. That'd make for some very short matches!


Oh come on, it shouldn't evolve for another level! You could at least have given it a rare candy just to cover up how much of a sheer cheating bastard you are!


Seriously? You're battling with a tree?! I mean sure, you might make a dwarf scared, but expecting it to actually be able to fight is a bit outrageous!



CURSES! FOILED AGAIN, BY LOW-TEMPERATURE-MAN!


Its got...
Umm...
Okay...

Its got two giant arms apparently sticking out of its booty. For some reason.

Guess that adds a whole new level to upstanding member of society fetishes!



Oh...
OH SHIT! He's got, like, a smoother version of my Pokemon! What the hell? Porygon isn't even supposed to evolve, damnit!


OMG FUK U THE PONE WAS WAAAY BETTER THAN THE P2! FKIN NOOB!


Oh FUCK it even has the same moves as me!


It even has Conversion 2, for effing's sake!


Aha! Nobody can out-seizure Epilepsie!


Buuut...

Fuck, I forgot she only switched out him.


FUCK, that was not meant to happen!


FUUUCK, HOW THE HELL DOES THAT THING KEEP KILLING MY DUDES?!


Oh, yeah, then it just ups and dies by the weather...

Well that's one way of making me feel my team is lousy...


Oh wow, its a...

Its a...

Thing?


I WANT ITTTTT!


I CAUGHT ITTTTTT!


So what does the Pokedex say about this thing anyway?


...a Sharp Claw Pokemon? Seriously?! That's its species type?!

Ah fuck it, I won't remember him after about 5 screenshots anyway!


And when it dances, it does a Thingamajig!


You're... waist deep in snow. I don't really consider that to be ready for battle...


Oooh, its the flying dinosaur banana tree again!


I consider that proof that God was on a huge amount of drugs when he created the universe!


That sounds like something from a crude pick-up line!
"Hey grrl, I've got a warm bed if you're willing to wear little else!"


Wait, what do you mean "little else"? your house is flipping loaded with stuff! You even have a working television this far north!


Remember kids, don't go to hospitals to cure major injuries; just hop on a bed, turn off the lights for a few seconds, and play a five note melody! Good as new!


I feel this is a good point to end the episode, and leave you hanging!

NEXT EPISODE!
A yeti? Mabye? Or an abominable snowman? The monster from Ski-Free? Or maybe... just more snow and wild Pokemon.

Plasma, your Pokemon raising style is pretty sweet. You catch high level Pokemon and immediately start using them in important battles, and you switch Pokemon a lot.

Kind of like Ash Ketchum.

...

You did not just imply that Ash Ketchum is anything other than the worst and most annoying main character of the entire franchise.

Please tell me you did not imply that.

He's alright, besides, he's 10-
No, wait
He's like 15 or more now.

Well, the point is that kids are annoying all together.

I got the habit from Pokemon Colosseum, where because you catch other trainers' Pokemon, they're usually the same level that other opponents are. So it works better than keeping the first Pokemon you have and trying to level them up.


Sure. Except that I actually battle.

Snag'em machine = noble prize

And you don't give your pokemon away the minute they start getting good.

Hey guys, I've been missing some episodes recently, and finding it somewhat hard to keep updating every day now. So I'm going to try switch to a once-every-two-day update schedule and see how that works.
I'll try fit in episodes once a day if I have time though. Because I still am eager to have the whole thing done. Half so that I can transfer the Pokemon over, and half because I know how much it pleases the lady folks!



Play for keeps?

YOU'RE GOING TO STEAL MY POKEMON?!


OH SHIT, ITS A CLOWN! KILL IT, KILL IT QUICKLY!


That's... not really... killing the clown...

But okay, whatever works.


Bout time you killed him! I mean, that clown was on-screen for an entire two screenshots!

And that's terrible!


OH SHIT! ITS GOT FUCKING SWORDS FOR ARMS! THAT IS HARDCORE, MAN!


It... didn't last very long.


O....kay. It's a... mummy? That looks like its getting ready to grope Psychick though...

Ugh.


Good riddance! He needed to be taught a lesson, that female Pokemon aren't second class people... err, slaves, anymore. Sure, being a mummy must mean he's pretty daisies old, but this isn't Generation2 anymore!



Okay, that might be a bit obscure. See, in Generation2, female Pokemon ALWAYS had a lower attack IV stat than male Pokemon!


....

Yes, so maybe I am going back healing after just one trainer battle. But its just so convenient...


No! Do not say what it looks like! We are above that kind of jokes here!


Oh yeah, did I explain Swagger yet? Its a bast of a move that automatically makes the opponent confused, but doubles their attack stat in the process. Which sounds like it would make it worse than confuse ray, except that the damage confusion does is based on its attack stat...

Not that its a worry for when Blissey is involved, its attack stat is utterly rubbish!


Oh yeah, and because confusion does damage based on the attack stat, its often a good idea to intentionally use the attackEV-reducing berries on Pokemon that don't use physical attacks. Not only does it free up more EV slots for at higher levels, but it reduces damage taken from confusion.


Woo! I got the tu... umm, third Pokemon! Yes, that is what I meant. Third Pokemon of... the day, or something.


OH GOD, EVEN THE POKEDEX ENTRY- no, no! We are sophistimacated here!



Yes, I'm aware that I healed after just a single wild encounter, but shaddup! That thing was a bast to take down!


Oh, DUDE!


Yeah, joke is well exhausted now.


No. Why would I be on my way-

Oh, I get it. That's where the plot is dragging me off to next. What, there's going to be a giant cliff or something blocking my otherwise simple path.


Umm... y'know, I don't like the exercise! Why don't you flipping fly me there?

Bitch!


But... you're still barefooted and lightly dressed. Wouldn't you be supercold now or something?

Although now that you mention the coldness, I'd hate to have picked the female character. Imagine going through this level of snow... without pants!


But... but... what about my ride?


Have I mentioned that you share similar qualities to that of a female dog?



Fires? In your heart?

Dude, I think you're having a heart attack!


Seriously, guy, you're having a fucking heart attack! Do something about it, rather than sending out that... that...


Well I have no idea what that's meant to be either. Aside from DEAD. That was weak.


HOT BOOBIES! On... its... forehead?

Well that's disturbing.


MAKE THE BAD MAN GO AWAY!



Oh hey, dunno how I found that in the snow, but hey!

How many of those do I have now anyway?


Oh... oh wow, I actually have quite a good amount of them! At least enough to buy me a move from the Move Tutor or two.

That is, if I actually had any move in mind...


Oh Crust, this is just ridiculous now!

But at least anyone walking by will have to notice my awesome, awesome beret!


Oooh, an iron! I can use this to heat up my clothes!

Yeah, yeah, I know, calm down, I was only joking...

Of course I know its useless without electricity!




Well she really does need it. She pretty much goes down with a single physical attack nowadays.


Hail? Seriously? What would happen if I were to use this now...



OH SHIT!


Aw hell, that means I've got a search quest to do. I hate these things!


Or... it was right beside the house. Again.

Seriously Game, I know that I really do hate search quests, but if you're going to do them you might as well put some effort into it!


FINALLY! I'm so glad that I got to the lake fine!
I mean seriously, if I had to go through one more battle in the hail, then-

...aawwwwwwwwww bollocks!


Oh yay! The hail finally starts working in my favour!


Seriously? A Buneary? At this high a level! Ahahahah, man, the frost must be getting to your head!


OH FOR FECK SAKE HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!

GOD daisies YOU, SNOW BUNNY!



..oooooooohhhh......


FREEZE YEAH, SEAKING!


I...

Umm...

A...


WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS TRAINER?!


Awwww, its so cuute! Its like a roomba that got himself stuck in a giant furball!


Okay, now it's not cute. Ew.


Ahahah! Talk about a close one, eh? Just one little bit more and...


Well, shit. I forgot about that...


AH HA HA H... eh? Hang on, why is a Pokemon up at this end of the game so darn easy to catch?

Oh well, not my concern!


Mushrooms? Berries? That sounds like one of the many things my metal detector Poketch picks up!

I should seriously consider getting that replaced...


Oh, don't mind me, I just had to deal with... oh, about a dozen bombs or so! But I'm sure you're hard at work... standing pointlessly on a large hill.

Hang on, wasn't I meant to come down here to check up on him?


But... you work for...

Aww crap, they already have the Pokemon now don't they?


That... sign is genuinely pointing directly at a cliff!

UGH!


Told ya this is where the plot would lead me next. Apparently I have to get a HM to scale that cliff. That's pretty much the entire purpose of McPants' spontaneous appearance and dialogue.


Oh well that's a first. The gym is actually the centrepiece of the whole town. Its like the game wants us to know that it considers us trainers the most important things in the universe...


...but fails horribly, because it should've been a Pokemon Center. Srsly.

Burr, looking at the snow makes me freeze in front of the screen..