AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Yeah... no update today. I just had too much to do.

But there's a high chance of a double tomorrow, since I already got most of the one for today done.

So now to continue our adventure, tracking through... *sigh* more long grass.


Every time I enter long grass, a Pokemon ambushes me. Every! Time!

In other news, that Staravia is stronger than my other one! Maybe I should catch it...


Naaaaaah!


That... is... just about the lamest reason I have ever heard for not letting me go to the next area.


Oh hey, pavement! And it's not even a city. What... an... odd thing to have.


Ahh, well if it isn't the unmistakable smell of a sidequest!


Ah yes, the Dowsing Machine. Such a commoner term. We sophisticated people prefer "ItemFinder Thing-Ama-Jiggy". Snuff.



OH C'MON, HE'S NOT EVEN LOOKING AT ME! UNFAIR!


Alright, its not much of a concern to me though considering we don't use much electricity. Or lampposts.

Wait.
Oh no.
Please tell me this isn't an excuse to-

GOD! DAMNIT! Of the highest degree!



Yeah... umm... aren't you sorta supposed to be, y'know, making the game?! Goddamit Masuda, stop playing around!



That... is in no way freaky whatsoever. Nope. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run away now...


Oh ho ho! Perhaps I should use it on my Silcoon!


Is it just me, or do these houses look like they have Jewish Kippah hats on them?

JEWISH CONSPIRACY!


NO! NOT MY BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS!


An...


COP-OUT!


Yeah, I've been there actually. Not much to it, just a whole bunch of oddly cuboid corridors.


There are Clefairy dancing? All I saw were Clefairy trying to ambush me after every step I take!


Umm... you mean, like, just taking a seat or something?


Hey HEY, what happened to my eyesight?!


Ahh, its a "passing of time" trick. Now I getcha. Although your line there seems a bit too close to what the nurses say.


Yeah... can Pokecenters sue for copyright infringement?


I still don't get why I couldn't just take a rest anywhere that isn't long grass though. Why does this room have special Pokemon healing powers?



Rule of RPGs #27: If someone says they think they dropped an item somewhere, it will be exactly where they said it would. It will never blow away, be picked up by anyone else, be found by the owner, or carried away by a wild beast.


Yes. I did it entirely just for your sake.

Now where's that reward? Gimme gimme gimme!


Rule of RPGs #28: For every sidequest, there is a corresponding reward, even if the one giving the sidequest was expecting you to do it for free.


Wait, so you gave me something... that actually encourages wild Pokemon to try fight me?
Do... do you not see what is wrong with this?! You have given me an... an ungift!


Woop! Now if only I could find a diamond...


Awwww crap, you guys! This little kid can battle too! Front page news!


Its... a Shellos. Only not gay or PANK.

That is so not fabulous!


I do have to wonder from what Pokemon this heart scale comes from. And why it doesn't, y'know, need it anymore.


Yeah, um, I already made a joke about this. C'mon game, I need new material here!


DESCRIPTIVE! Oh yeah, and in that fancy restaurant there may or may not be a fancy utensil! Wow!


And this kid battles by... just attacking. What's a technique?


HUBBA HUBBA! YOWSER! Wutta girl!


If only the same could be said for her Pokemon. I swear, the Pokemon are actually getting weaker now.


His surname is actually "Footstep"? Geez! I mean, why couldn't you get a decent surname, like Dr. Bug? A name like that would make people think you're a god here!


Alright, that joke was probably waay too vague. A Lava Cookie goes to the first person who gets the reference.


Ahah! I have foiled your evil plot! You shall never tell the happiness of my Pokemon!


Yet another patch of-

-ah.
Wait, I thought I already went past the area with all the Buizel. The game is getting cheap now with its Pokemon. I bet it only has like 120 monsters!


Woo, Pastoria City! I bet the plot has been waiting for me to get here for quite some time!


...
This is a city? It looks more like a forest to me! Where's the, y'know, buildings?


I am so predictable...


Oh yeah, forgot to mention: I picked up Trick Room a while ago, back by the "Fortune Teller" (who I swear stole my credit card PIN). Its fun, because it really messes up opponent's strategies!


MESS! MESS! MESS WITH THE ENEMIES MIND! TURN IT TO PUTTY! MAKE THEM SCREAM IN CONFUSION!



THEN BURN THEM! BURN THEM ALL!

You have an empty space.

GET CHARGEDOG/SUN WUKONG THERE NOW.

save it for the lucario

No! Save it for... the cheddar.

Bring back one of the horses of the apocalypse.

I AM NEVER WRONG ABOUT DOUBLE UPDATES! Aside from the first time.


So I guess I better start looking around the town now. I always hate these boring parts, nobody ever battles in the middle of town.


A... scarf? Why would my Pokemon need a scarf anyway? I mean, I know its colder here than it used to be, but Pokemon don't normally have sensitive necks like we do.


Oh... oh god, its terminal, isn't it? Oh, I knew this day would come...


So... its average? Oh, what a terrible crime it is to be only average! Apparently.


Aw geez, that's so cruel! Who would do such a thing?

Oh yeah, PsyGuy, you bloody better not reach level30 before I get a Dawn Stone, or I'm sticking you with an Everstone!


Hey ma, look at me, I'm a Pokeyman! Take a picture take a picture take a picture!


I predict that... I'm not actually going to need this HM to get to the next town, but I'll still have to beat the gym leader anyway. I dunno, maybe the electrical guys in the other city are on strike until this guy gets defeated.


Wait, I thought this guy was known as the Move Relearner. People are confusing.


Yes. Yes it is. I found it in a slag heap. I'm... not quite sure why you're interested in something like that.


No, I'm just here for a friendly neighbourhood ch-OF COURSE I WANT A NEW MOVE!
Er-
OLD MOVE!


You at least needed one of the Conversions or Sharpen if you're using Porygon. It's practically against the law not to!


Screw the Pokemon I have berries!


And that's about it for the city. Well, there's still the Gym of course, but I want to head through this route first!

Oh hey, its raining. That means...

I can absolutely trounce everyone with a 100% accuracy Thunder! Bwahahah!


This... is what happens when you mix up a guy who loves Pokemon with a guy who loves Guitar Hero. Which is to say, a complete poser!

Which is to say, exactly like a real guitarist!


Its a... bug? That looks like an old man?

Sorry, I'm having trouble understanding why a guitarist uses such a totally non radical Pokemon. I mean, without the rock-hard attitude you're just a guy who twiddles strings. Nobody listens to rock bands for the music, y'know!


And I feel totally ready to mock and criticise opinions that vary from my own! Hah!


Oh cool, somebody lost an item in this messy... black stuff. Whatever its supposed to be.

I think its meant to be brown.


I'd like to think so. I mean, its not hard to lose track of you in a giant swamp where you can barely move in!


Wait, what? I don't even. How? Skyline at all? Bluh?

I think I need to take a breather before continuing.

Oh, except that because of Trick Room, taking a break means I get to attack first!


MY MIND IS ONE FIRE! GRAAAH!


Oh wow, talk about a close match! I didn't even plan on using Staravia at any point, but because of Endeavour on 1hp (complete luck!) followed by Quick Attack, I actually managed to win this one!


Oh hey, its a Cargedog! Ahahah, anyone remember what happened to that guy? Man, he was crazy.


Gooo, blurry pixel guy! Change your weaknesses somehow! Mess up that crazy game logic!


There is no substitute for lawnmowers to the face!



Well FINALLY! Man, I was looking all over the place for one of these!


Right. High Special Defence + Very High HP + Toxic = Death in 5 turns, and not much you can do about it.
Even potions won't help you against Toxic!

Of course, its not as deadly as Toxic + Leech Seed. OH GOD, THAT IS A HORRIBLE COMBO!


Teleportation time!

Camera close-ups are a seriously underrated method of transportation.



Look, I healed and came back, alright? I don't need to keep posting a screenshot every time I go to the Pokemon Center.

Also, woo, instant healing!


Woo, instant level-up!


Woo, instant healing again!

Man, this is a swamp that just keeps on giving!


Hmm, gee, I dunno. How about VERY YES!


I never quite understood WHY rain boosts water attacks, its not really something that makes a lot of sense, is it? I mean, the water Pokemon aren't ACTUALLY made of water!


And, once again, Magical Leaf becomes an incredibly useful secondary attack. I can't believe I ever hated it!


What? NO! NO LADY, GET THAT THING OUT OF MY FACE! YOU HAVE SUCCUMBED TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE POKEMON! I MUST DESTROY THIS ABOMINATION AT ONCE BEFORE IT CAN BE TRAINED UP ANY MORE!


Retarded Pokemon vs Retarded Pokemon. And sure, Togepi is only level 1 and doesn't know any actual attacks, but I have faith in the little guy!



Remind me never to base anything on faith again.



Wootinary! One step closer to total world domination!


Err... pretend you didn't hear that!


I have... barely any shards. Its an unfortunate side effect of not having access to the underground whatsoever. Lets skip this building and carry on.





Hey, y'know what move I haven't used at all yet?


Oh.
OH GOD!
I... I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T REALISE IT WAS THAT POWERFUL!

Please... please don't die, Buizel. ...please?


BUUUIIZELLLL!

Thunder is awesome!

...Buizel... is dead? Oh my go-...
I... I think I need to be left alone for a while...
*Begins crying uncontrollably*

Buziel is made of fail.

BUIZEEEEL!! NOOOOO!

YOU SON OF A BITCH WHY DID YOU HAVE TO USE THUNDER I'LL KILL YOU.












lawl

You should have called that Buizel, "Tails"...

Don't worry, you'll find another one.

I already did that to the first one I caught, remember?

Three fishermen at once? Oh ho ho, Machineria is going to have a field day!


AHAHAHAH! Gyarados has a 4x weakness to electricity! This is going to get messy!


Woop! Only two levels left to go now!


Remember kids, its okay to kill Gyaradoses all you want, cause they're ugly! Nobody cares about those guys!


Oh hey, it's a... umm... black cat, fox, dog, wolf.... thingy?


I'll call it a Poodle!


Woop! Only one level to go now!


Yeah, I didn't screenshot a few of the battles there.


OMIGOSH A WILD CROAGUNK I... sorta want it, maybe.


Oh she has the most beautiful voice...


You killed the voice! You bastard!


I make it look easy!


Popular as a mascot? A poisonous Pokemon who always fights as unfairly as possible is a good mascot?!

Nah, what you need is a killer possessed lawnmower, now THAT'S a good kids mascot!


Pshaw, like there was ever any doubt about this!



A scientist using a magic Pokemon? I do believe that's broken another RPG rule: all scientists should never believe in magic, no matter how prevalent it is in the world!


More power, more power, MORE POWER!


Hey, y'know, maybe if I find enough of these things I'll have enough shards for an entire single move! Wow, amazing!



My mother's name is Nature? Really? Well, I guess she never told me her name...


Oh hey, you even have matching uniforms! You sure must be noble to be... picking a fight with anyone who walks by.

Wut?


Hey, those two are Pokemon that I'M supposed to be using! You imposter!


Double battles like this is where Trick Room REALLY comes to use!


Curses! An auto-healing move! Oh how I despise them!


I'm not taking any more chances with PsyGuy surviving at such low health.


Ahahah, type advantage! Awesome!


Ohfuk, type disadvantage! Curse you, Marill!


Psychick down! Psychick down! We need assistance! I repeat, we need assistance!


I did send out Machineria. A combo of thunder and hyper beam... wasn't pretty, to say the least. Just trust me when I say you should be glad I didn't take the screenshot.


Oh geez, you mean my mother is everything in existence? I mean, I'm all for You Mamma Is So Fat jokes, but that was just harsh!




Oh yeah, and I caught a Shellos. Again. Only blue, this time!


Well... its not.


Oh hey, the rain stopped! Just as I left the swamp too! Talk about a crazy coincidence!


A... level 21 Staravia?

You're going soft, game! You're going soft!


A mansion, you say? Hmm, well I do like meeting with rich people, I always get loads of cheddar from beating them!

Anyone figured out why that happens yet? I've pretty much got a research team trailing me to try figure out where the cheddar comes from!


Oh ho ho, I'm sure you don't normally speak to commoners but you'll make an exception for someone as poor as me!



Bastard!


I didn't even want to fight these guys, I just accidentally wandered in between them. Gotomit!


Oh gods, its That Fucking Penguin again! Why, god, why must you do this to me?!


I'll get that penguin even if it's the last thing I do!


Desperate times call for desperate lawnmower-to-the-faces!


Third woop of the day! One more level and.. and... I'll consider using that Dawn Stone I picked up a while ago.

I did mention that I got a Dawn Stone, right?


Man, the owner of this place sure does like having Pokemon statues!


Hoo boy, this is a Platinum exclusive thing. You have to fight through 5 maids one after the other, KOing them in one turn each!

But my team is very nearly dead, so I think I'll skip it and come back to it later!


...
My finger slipped.
Which somehow caused me to agree.


Oh CRAP, my team really is nearly dead!


Fortunately for me, I have a perpetual motion Pokemon! Bwahahah!


BWAHAHAHAH! Now if only I had done that the first time, I might still have had a chance here!


Oh yeah, except I only had 1 PP of Hyper Beam. And I can't even change my first Pokemon to Rotom here either.


Maid #3....? Wait, the last two had Clefairies too! Surely you lot have something a little more exciting than that?


Maid #4 says otherwise. It's gonna be a loooong day!


Well technically speaking I went over the 1KO-an-opponent limit. But y'know, I....



...well, I don't know either.
JUST LET ME THROUGH!


GODDAM! Seriously, guys, enough with the Bidoof strategy! Sending out slightly more powerful variations of the previous opponent doesn't work well!

I mean you could at least have evolved it!


I don't wanna, I really don't... but I have been given a challenge and I'll be damned if I can't complete it!

It's every Gamer's secret weakness, that!

Speak for yourself