Quote:
Cannibals Demand To Taste What Unbalanced Has To Offer
A coalition of tribalists, health experts, and civil rights proponents have recently suggested legalizing cannibalism for consumers of willing would-be meals.
1. "I see absolutely no problem with people digging into each other at dinnertime, so long as everyone is willing," Bianca Chicago, the editor of the monthly magazine 'To Serve Man', quips, "Not only does it solve hunger problems and create jobs, but it also adds variety to Unbalanced's sometimes dull palette."
2. Civil rights leader Samuel Clinton came out publicly for moderate pro-cannibalism legislation, commenting, "While it may strike some as a crude, even evil practice, our ancestors have practiced cannibalism for years. If we create a government organization to strictly regulate and grade all human meat prior to its arrival on the market, we can ensure that respect for diversity is maintained while health concerns are also allayed. And instead of killing average people, why not make being turned into snack foods a post-mortem option? Like donating your body to science!"
3. "You're all absolutely out of your minds!" exclaims Billy-Bob Licorish, head of Unbalanced's largest health-food manufacturer. "It's immoral, it's unhealthy, and it's disgusting. Not only are these so-called 'dietary rights' activists leading us down a dark path of sin, but right into a marketplace with yet another product that's almost as bad as beef!"
oh god what
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