AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Chapter 15: Double Stakes Or Split



Time to go poking around, see the sights around Vegas.



And almost immediately I am jumped by Legionary assassins.



Seems they got split up and distracted, though.



You guys fucked up.



I hit this one so hard in the face he glitched out.



And that was all she wrote.



Signs for the casinos that grace the Strip. If I remember correctly, the Lucky 38's never open.



You guys are welcome for me getting rid of that Legion group that was supposed to be attacking me anyway.



Wandering through East Vegas.



If you'll look to your left, you'll see an NCR farm.



And if you look to your right, you'll see a...

What is that?



A pump station? I think that missing NCR guy's journal mentioned this place.



Let's poke around a bit.



The water's radioactive. The floating hallucinatory words are telling me to find the source.



Fuck THAT.



Well hello there.



Gun Runners. Now I'll always have a place to hock my unneeded weaponry and shit.



Why the hell not.



MOMMA LIKE.



MOMMA LIKE A WHOLE LOT.



I am just going to completely fuck someone's day up when I unleash this bitch.



A door to get into Freeside.



Found the Crimson Caravan headquarters.



...And finally, a bunch of dudes dressed up like Tunnel Snakes.



Let us continue.



Wow. What a shithole.



Not much of a fort if anybody can just walk right in.



Followers. I guess that explains the open door policy.



It's getting pretty late, I think I'll waste a few hours dreaming and get back to it.



8 hours later...





Good morning, scientists.



Good morning, particularly handsome scientist.



I thought most of you Followers were medics, why don't you treat people?







I... don't think that was a pun? Unless you're researching plants or something.

You're actually much more boring than I imagined so... I'm gonna go.



No, you probably won't.



That sounds like a great idea, strange shouting boy on street corner.



Is that guy running at me with a knife?



Heh, not anymore.



I think I see the sign for this Mick & Ralph's Circlejerk Store.



Kids chasing each other around. Oh, to be young again.



Wait, that one has a gun. I think maybe I should do something here.



Easy, kid. I've flattened men for less.

Let me take a look at your gun. It's probably a toy, but I just want to make sure.



A million caps. Really.

Tell you what, kid. How about I buy your meals for the rest of the year, and you hand over that hunk of plastic.



Thank god I don't use ammunition, otherwise I'd be a daisies pauper.



Yeah, you know me. I make it fucking rain bottle caps all day long.

Now let's take a look at this thing.



Wait a minute, Poseidon Energy? And it says it has a single charge for... the ARCHIMEDES II.

NO. NO FUCKING WAY. A FUCKING CHILD WAS NOT RUNNING AROUND FREESIDE WITH THIS THING.



I... I HAVE TO FIRE IT.



Here we go, a nice safe spot to test it.



Oh man oh man oh man what is gonna happen.





...



I have a lady erection.



Holy fucking shit.



Alright, I've got that out of my system.



I don't know what these guys could possibly offer me now that I hold the power of a god.



Yeah, I figured this was just gonna be another scrap shop.



Fuck off.



Time to go exploring again.



Freeside proper.



Say no more.



Time to spend my hard-earned and mostly legitimate cheddar.



Yeah, this place is definitely fit for Freeside.



Hello, bartender.



You got any whiskey?



I haven't even been to the casino yet and I've already hit the fucking JACKPOT.



Lemme just empty a few bottles of these and...

Ooooh yeah, that's the spot.



Time for some card playing.

Oh wait.



Yeah, I need some chips.



You can help me fuck off. By... fucking off.

Hmm.



Okayy soo maybe trjee bottles of the stuaff awsn't the best idea.



But I onlly ever seem too get reallly luclky when I;ve hada few.



I willo have thos place cleande out in np time.



Aahhaajahahaa I can't fuckoijng lose.



Just gonona keep rackinig up them chips babnby.



Ahahaha I won tooo much and nowe theuy want me outata here.



They gave me somme new clohters as a prixze.

Thsi is awful.



Taeka all ofthese chips.

And magic thejm into bottel caps.



Youp can fuckl off again, hahhaaa.

Okay, I'm just gonna pull myself together here. Walk it off.



The casino's closed off, but there's more than one way to make cheddar.

You got any work needs done?



And let me guess, you got debts that need repaying.



Just to be clear, you're not sending me to kill anyone, right?



Not in my experience.



Just tell me who I'm looking for.









I'll be back with those caps.



Grecks and Santiago are back in the "freer" side of Freeside.



Oh, Grecks is a ghoul. What a name.



Trying to scrounge up enough cheddar to pay off the Garretts?



I wasn't planning on it. I've been getting better at bitch-slapping people with my words.



Gambler #2.



I'll make this quick. You owe the Garretts cheddar. Give me that cheddar.



There is no such thing as a Freeside VIP.



Look, the lady Garrett gave me leave to kill you and take the caps off your body. I'd rather not deal with the mess, so just pay your debt.



That's the spirit.



I couldn't care less.



Wait, is that guy waving at me?



Yeah, what do you want?



I will gladly look at anything other than your eyes right now.

Oh hey it's a body. Friend of yours?



Ahahahaha, are you kidding, dude?



You lured into an alley ambush a woman carrying a fucking super sledge...



A fucking floating robot that shoots lasers...



And a 1st Recon NCR sniper wearing Ranger combat armor.



That was most certainly the worst idea that anyone has ever had in the history of bad ideas EVER.



Whoa hey, I guess I wandered too close to the gate.



Thanks for the free advice. Who are you?





I used to be a courier like you, but then I took a bullet to the face.



You're not kidding. I've got work to do, so I'll see you later.



Alright, now to...



Uh oh.



This isn't going to end well.



It didn't end well.



And then there was one.



I'm not listening to any of your fucking excuses or stories, I just...

Oh. Hi. Yeah.

But yeah, the Garretts say you owe them cheddar.



That's gonna be a serious problem in the immediate future.



I am absolutely not digging through a fucking cave filled with lethal creatures to get a handful of caps.



Good enough.



Shouldn't have blown it all in a third-rate casino bar.



Now to head back to that third-rate casino bar.



Holla holla get a dolla.



Hooray. Apparently I'm a bounty hunter now.



Wait, if you already had a debt collecter, why DID you hire me?

Did I just get shafted?



I'm telling you right now, when I do find him, he's not going to have a cap on him.

Whether he actually does or not.

So if he's on the Strip, how am I supposed to get to him?



Alright, I'll go talk to the King. I'm assuming he was in that building that said THE KINGS.



His hat.

Fucking hit contracts are so weird.



This place looks like a hoot.

The Kings are just my favorite buncha dudes. Especially when they give me random food items.

I would have done the meat of champions if I didn't have to kill the king.
He's so cool.

That's the building where everyone looks like Paul McCartney, right?

NO you dumbass!
It's a nuclear anime convention.

I'm surprised the kid never once pulled that trigger. Or maybe he did and that's the fifth girl he's been chasing or something.

Well, that kid's not getting any corn.

If I had Veronica with me, she would have known what it was and notes that the safety was on.

Naturally I ignored this for laughs.

The Kings are just the best.

I am very sad that I could not let them take over New Vegas because I so would.

Yeah I always figured that making Vegas independent would leave the Kings in control of most things in and around the Strip.

The King is a man after my own heart. Unfortunately some of his subordinates are total dickbags.

The King's fine to take care of Freeside, but he wouldn't last in Vegas. He's too naive.

I just meant his goons could provide some extra muscle on the Strip. Actually arrest troublemakers instead of obliterating them like the robots.

Where would they keep them though? I always assumed troublemakers were killed because it's a post-apocalyptic wasteland and it would be a waste of resources to shelter, feed, and generally take care of them.

While I'm thinking about it, is anyone actually listening to the songs I link in the chapter titles?

I think those titles are my favorite part of this entire endeavor.

I try to if I remember