AWKWARD ZOMBIE

hello, this is a bump for the awkward zombie topic "lets play skyrim." thank you and have a good day.

(also yes page get)

Apparently both photobucket and imgur don't host or even load the image files that Steam takes as screenshots. If anyone has a host that will allow me to resize the images, please let me know.
Without further ado, the update.



Ears is now going to follow me around for backup. This is okay for now, but I hope he doesn't mind me going to the tavern for the next few hours. Because that is exactly what is happening.



The Sleeping Giant Inn. Homely!



Oh no, it's this asshole again. Faendal, just act cool.



I guess he must have heard what happened, since he now wishes to subject me to passive-aggressive torture in the form of traditional lute playing.



I try to maintain an awkward conversation to make him stop playing for a bit. Eventually, I just give up and walk off to the shopkeep.



This guy seems nice and simple. No drama, no shit. I remember I'm still starved for coins, so I ask him about work.



He gives me a bounty. Maybe he mistook me for some kind of Imperial renegade on-my-own-terms vigilante. Since I can't be asked to go kill a bunch of bandits like 2 miles away, I'll just pay with what I have now for some mead.



Buying one bottle of mead will cost me 62 coins.
Sixty-two.
Coins.
For one mead.

Imagine, for a second, taking out sixty-two gold coins in exchange for a single bottle of cheap beer.



Logically, therefore, a safe room and bed for the night will cost me ten coins. I take the room, since I'm going to need somewhere to sleep.



hey so it turns out i got the quest already. CRAZY.



I take a really well-deserved sleep.



Since no one's looking, I nab one of their meads that someone left in here on the desk. It is worth more than twice what I paid for for the room.
This town's fucking economy is run by beer.

Anyway, I quickly stroll over back to the Riverwood Trader. I believe I forgot to barter with the owner there when I was lying to peasants.



After selling much of my stuff, including pretty much everything he would take that I looted back at Helgen Keep, I have more than enough cheddar to investigate this interesting looking tome.



This one also interests me, but I'm short a few meads worth to buy it. It also looks kind of grimdark. Like maybe I shouldn't mess with it or I'll end up in some kind of cult, sacrificing blood and praying to daedra.
Better just stick with the healing magicks for now.



After the bartering, I remember to talk about that argument that he and the Village Trophy Wife were having. Turns out some robbers stole something?



What an odd coincidence. Did it fall out of Trogdor's art collection or something?



I'm desperately in need of cheddar, so I guess I'll go get your claw back. Sounds way easier than that bounty thing.



Wait what.
You mean the big, looming fucking scary as hell place lodged in the mountain?



Oh, so I'm not getting out of this, am I.



Ech, I better go do this thing anyway. Despite my urge to pack up and run, I need the coin, and last I heard all the other towns in Skyrim are pretty much filled to the brim with Imperial guards, so this sort of a friendly place except for that one lute-playing asshole.




dat peasant rump



Oh yeah. Again, it's not really a tourist attraction.



I'm guessing she doesn't work in fucking PR since you are talking to the person who is so kindly offering to retrieve your claw from Mt. Murderdoom, and who you are steadily convincing not to even bother with this whole charade.



She stops here. She and Faendal have a touching goodbye in the form of them looking in separate directions with a blank stare.



It's pretty fucking cold out, by the way. This is sort of my fault for getting up at 5 to go on a bandit chase, but I was still born in a place with actual warm temperatures, so I'm going to have to get used to all the cold eventually.



I come to another crossroads, but none of these signs say "Suicide Ruins", so I guess I have to just cut up to the top of the mountain.



Hikin'.



Stealth wolf strikes from a tree or something and attacks Elfboy, but he handles it on his own.



Okay no this is way too fucking cold. Why did I even want to do this crazy-booty goose chase?



Light! Warmth! Fire! Good! Bandit! Die!



I fucking hate this place so much. Why couldn't I have been executed near Hammerfell or something?



I take his fancy axe. It looks heavy. And dangerous. I may well use it later.



A bandit runs out of the tower and charges at me while I'm just trying to warm up by the fire.



What a dick. I now hate every bandit forever.



I strip him of his armor, leaving his naked body to the cold, awful snow. Also, his armor is better than mine and looks kind of cooler too. This is definitely a plus.



This feels right.



Anyway, the snow is kind of getting to me so I head inside the bandit tower.



I climb up to the top and get a pretty nice view, and a chest!



This is almost worth one mead! Huzzah!



Back to hikin'.



Finally, we make it all the way up to Bleak Falls Barrow. I take the rather heavy battleaxe, and charge right into the ruin.



It turns out there are some bandits here, but not the one I'm looking for.



I mean, there were bandits here.



Okay, enough of this snow. Let's just get inside this dusty ruin and solve this motherfucking mystery.

NEXT TIME
THE ENTIRE BLEAK FALLS BARROW

Irfanview has an option that lets you batch change a bunch of image files. Unsure if you can do it with sizes, but I think you can.

finally! an entire town with a beer-based economy! huzzuh! (also DIE BANDITS!)

Turns out imgur does work with my screenshots. I'm not sure what it didn't work the first time.

Images from all previous updates should be resized over time.
E: Never mind, photobucket also works and that allows for far more images.

If you use Photobucket then be prepared for the dreaded Bandwidth Exceeded image to replace all your pictures.

Do you know any good image hosting sites then? Preferably with mass resizing, I couldn't really get IrfranView to work.

I wonder if I should get Skyrim.

Then again if I do im gonna be gone for a day or two :/

This update is a long update.



This place looks a bit prettier on the inside, but not by much. At least it's warmer in here, and that's all I've ever asked for.



Some dead guy. He doesn't have the claw, but... what killed him?



Apparently a group of very unperceptive bandits. I suppose I'd better take care of them.



Just as I was about to finish the first one off, Faendal shoots an arrow in his throat.
Dick move, elfboy.



The archer goes down pretty quickly as well.
I really do wonder how a lot of these bandits can kill or even threaten anyone. Maybe it's just because I'm one of the only people in Skyrim to have the sense to slap some metal on me.



Whatever the case, they appear to have somehow made enough cheddar to validate a locked chest. A lock which I must pick.



They've made about a beer's worth. I'm not really sure these two thought through the whole bandit thing.



I move deeper into the ruin, sorting through more annoying, giant booty spiderwebs. I hope this doesn't take too long.





A person! Does he have the golden claw then?



This bandit is a bit tougher. Doesn't stop me from hitting him to the ground with a battleaxe though.





Got the bastard.



I take his mace since it looks cool as fuck and it is less of a pain in the booty to carry around.





DEADJAW'S FATE HAS BEEN ALIGNED
CHANT SOME LATIN PHRASES TO SIGNIFY THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS EVENT



I quickly switch over to a setup where I can summon some healing magicks with my offhand and bash face with mace in my strong hand.
The healing magicks glow and are kind of weird to be holding around all the time. I sort of feel like if I don't hold it right I might burn my fur off.



TIME TO GET SERIOUS
ELFBOY WE GOT TO SOLVE THIS PUZZLE IF WE WISH TO CONTINUE



That puzzle would have been so hard if we were both blind.



Someone else made it past the puzzle too. Could be the Man with the Golden Claw.
He left his book behind.



From the first blank page alone, I feel skilled in the delicate arts of stealing shit.



As I read the book, I doubt my path of warriorhood was ever the right way to go.

Instead, I should have been a mage so I could set this stupid goddamn book on fire.



Fucking rat attacked me during reading time. What a bitch.
Whatever, forget the book. We need to find the claw and get out of here.



Before I go, I quickly look in the chest. Inside it, there is a magic scroll for making things colder than they already are.

I take back my earlier remark. Wizards are fucking dumb.



Stairs!



Oh joy, more fucking spiderwebs. I hope this doesn't foreshadow some kind of encounter with a spider in the future!



I find a useful fucking scroll on this table. Whoever is down here has a passion for leaving stuff on old dusty tables.



I finally hear someone. Apparently he's in danger?



The voice is coming from here.



WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKER FUCK



WHY IS IT SO BIG WHAT IS IT'S PROBLEM



BURN IN HELL YOU GIANT SON OF A BITCH



After handling a difficult situation in a calm and collected manner, I go over to Koopa the Quick. Looks like he's tangled up.





He got the claw! Sweet. Now we can finally LEAVE.



Cut you...

Down?
I don't understand.



Fine, jesus. I guess this is the only way we're getting anywhere.



YOU YELLOW-BELLIED



NO-GOOD, GUTLESS



SON OF A...

Wait, what the fuck is that thing?



Skully just killed him for me! Thanks?



NO NO NO NO NO NO
GO BACK TO BEING DEAD YOU MONSTER



Suddenly, healing magics have become very useful due to the recent resurgence of terrifying skeleton fucks in the area.



Now that Skeletor has been sorted, we can deal with Koopa the Quick's fresh corpse.



The Golden Claw.
But... there's something on the underside of it. A pattern?
Faendal, we're not leaving anytime soon. We have to go deeper.



This may involve macing more zombies.



Is not big problem, though.



Couldn't fucking steal my kill then, but Elfboy still goes for the crotch shot after I finished him.







DEADJAW'S FATE HAS BEEN DETERMINED
NOW, BE EQUALLY MYSTIFIED AS YOU ARE ASTOUNDED



More skeletons pop out of their corpses.
Sorry to interrupt your sleep, buddies.



It's nothing personal, really.



Oh god. I guess we better just continue through this meat grinder.



I run through safely. Faendal isn't so lucky.



More catacomb delving. We're going to keep going until we get to the end of this place.



Regardless of how many more of these sadass corpses we have to tear through.



These fancy healing magicks are really coming in handy.



Onwards. I'm really starting to feel more comfortable in these ruins and cave-type places, but I still could go for some fresh air.







Okay, who is even keeping this shit here? I really just don't get it. Is there some kind of skeleton practicing fire scrolls down here?



I end up jumping straight down a waterfall because why not.



I really just do not care for all these goddamned skeletons.



More of the same! Where the hell can I find out what this Golden Claw does?



Apparently, this way.



I'm rather impressed by the architecture on display here. It's a shame no one else has brought in some kind of crew to take all the useful shit out of here and put it into some kind of fancy house. Then I probably wouldn't even need to be down here.



Yes, large rooms do tend to have large amounts of pain in them.



That's cheating! You're zombies! You're not allowed to be on places where you can safely shoot me! Fucking OW!



You archers are just a pain in the booty.



They don't stand up well to a straight bullrush.
I think I take the level up a bit later.





DEADJAW'S FATE HAS REALIZED THAT I CAN'T MAKE A JOKE EVERY LEVEL BECAUSE I GET A LEVEL PRETTY MUCH EVERY FEW MINUTES



A longass, dramatic hallway leads to



An elaborately designed locked door.



The key is simply the key on the underside of the golden claw.
Puzzles.
How do they work.



The path clears. ONWARDS, TO VICTORY.



Oh. That looks...amazing.





Um.



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



MY HEAD
FUCKING
WHAT
HOW



Faendal, did you not just fucking see that?
Was it a hallucination or something?



Dust-induced hallucinations aside, there appears to be this son of a bitch who looks like he wants me dead.



I slap him. With a mace.



And then I kill him.



Faendal, you are the worst partner ever.



Uhhh. This looks kind of cool?
Once I get a house I'll put it up by the fireplace or something so everyone can remember fondly of the time I hit a skeleton with a mace and took his stone tablet.



There's also another battleaxe. I'll take it, but I'll probably just stick with using a mace.



There's even more loot in this chest.



And in this slightly hidden chest.



Wh
Why would I need this



It's high time we scram. There's a hidden exit here.



On my way out, I bump into this little weird shrine thing.



Pffffffffhahaha



We are taking the skull with us.





Well.
That's done, I suppose. Time to head back to Laketree.

NEXT TIME

I DUNNO
PROBABLY WHITERUN

I like how a beer's worth has become a measurement of currency.

Games are seriously horrible at contextualizing currency. In all The Elder Scrolls games and all the Fallout games there has never been a currency with something other than base units, meaning your little backpack could bodaciously be filled with 20,000 bottle caps or who knows how many gold coins.

IMO it's way too deeply entwined with balancing the "Scavenge-and-Sell" type of gameplay that it just destroys immersion if you think about it.

I like to think that the economy of Skyrim is just that screwed up

It is based on Nord values.
As in, Nord values beer.

One handed and restoration? That's a lot lie what my guy uses. Also, you may want to invest in the "Healing Hands" spell soon, so Faendal doesn't die. If you really care about him that much, that is.

I really don't. Honestly, I've bumped into him one too many times so far, and I might let him go soon.
This is for the same reason I never gave my companions in Fallout any stimpaks or good gear; even though they're useful, I find them just annoying enough to not want to give them anything ever.

But yeah, I plan to keep using restoration at least, since shields just bore me. I might mess around with more two-handed weapons or maybe double-wielding in the future, but for now this setup is really just tearing through everything.