AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Kay, I have two reasons for not updating last week.
1. SURPRISE IT'S A LOT OF HARD BUSYWORK I GOT.
2. I got addicted to the multiplayer mode.

To celebrate this TRIUMPHANT return, Clark Fistknife will be doing something different today.


I TOLD YOU SOMETHING DIFFERENT WOULD BE DONE TODAY.


...
Are these...claws?
Holy crap, I'm some kind of alien.


What the hell do you mean "too many Republic players"?
FFFFFF I CANNOT BE CLARK FISTKNIFE IF I'M NOT A HUMAN.

So for this episode, I will be Alien Clawface.


Ah yes, a fellow Clawface.
Hello there!


Holy shit where did you come from you are not friendly.


OOPS I ACCIDENTALLY SHOT YOU TO DEATH.


Oh wow.
You must really want to die, huh?


Wish granted.


WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE AIR DUCTS.
THIS IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR YOU.
BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE ME WILL KILL YOU.


Oh crap, because I'm no longer Clark Fistknife I can no longer be invincible like I used to be.

Well daisies.


At least ONE of my powers were retained.


NO.
STOP RUNNING.
GET BACK HERE.


LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
YOU CAUSED ME TO END A REIGN OF TERROR.
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY REIGN THAT WOULDN'T BE ENDED.


Hell yes.
I want to be my old self again.


THIS IS NOT MY OLD SELF.
Oh but look there is a huge fight going on.


Naturally, I get involved.


OH LOOK, BOOM BOOM!


How many kills does this make now?
Ten? Five? Three?


Oh hell yes, this gun is familiar.


KNIFE KNIFE KNIFE.


You probably want to know what just happened.
While I was knifing the other guy, some other guy came up behind me and knifed me while I knifed him.

The end result was hilarious.

And then I found this ANTI ARMOR WEAPON.


TIME TO USE THE GUN THAT MAKES THE PEOPLE GO BOOM.


OOPS I GOT TOO CLOSE AND KILLED MYSELF.

Y'know, I'm starting to tire of these un-invincible, un-Fistknife shenanigans.


SO I QUIT.

I'm going back to being the #1 invincible soldier commando for the Republic. Not some cheap alien ripoff.

Suicide killed himself!

Suicide killed himself!

Suicide killed himself!

Suicide killed himself!

Suicide killed himself!

Suicide killed himself!

NO, REALLY? THANKS FOR TELLING ME.

THIS TIME I AM LEAVING YOU ON THE BIGGEST CLIFFHANGER...

IT IS SO BIG YOU'LL NEVER GUESS UNTIL YOU READ.


LOOK MORE PLANET.
I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.
Oh, and body parts.


Of course locals show up but they are no match for the MIGHTY KNIFE PUNCHES.


MORE JUSTICE IS DELIVERED.


Sadly, my teammates are not as manly as I am and therefore take damage.
I send one to heal himself.


Oh wow that is a gruesome demise.

AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF ME AND MY KNIFE PUNCHES.


Wait, is that...?


Why yes it is.

That bastard shoots fire.


Heh, his body landed funny.


SO I RIP OFF HIS ARM AND DECIDE TO USE IT AS A WEAPON BECAUSE I AM THAT BADASS.


AND IT SHOOTS FIRE.
IN BEAM FORM.


ISN'T THIS ARM AMAZING.


HELLO SUPER BATTLE DROID YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR MY BEAMS OF FIRE.

THAT I SHOOT FROM MY HAND.


Oh shit maybe you will be oh crap this is not good.


Of course, Scorch saves me again.


I do not like these odds.
Not one bit.

I do not like them with a fish.
I do not like them, ain't that a bi...sh...

BUT I MUST DO THE ONE THING I DO BEST.


Scream like a little girl while tossing all my grenades at them.


RIGHT TEAM, THE ODDS MAY BE AGAINST US, BUT I HAVE LITTLE FAITH IN YOU.
FIXER, DESPITE YOUR LACK IN DEMOLITIONS, I WANT TO TO BLOW STUFF UP.

THIS IS SO WELL THOUGHT OUT.


There are more knives and more deaths.
I AM THE ONE CONTRIBUTING MEMBER.


THERE ARE TWO MORE. (one is covered with blood)
TWO FREAKING MORE.

RIGHT, TIME TO MAN UP AND...


eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


Oh god everything is so bright I can barely see.
Sonic grenades were not a smart idea.


HA THAT ONE GOT BLOWN TO BITS wow I feel dizzy.


CAN'T SEE.
A daisies THING.


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF


Sev comes and saves me. He gets incapacitated as I get up.


Right, my teammates are incapacitated and I can't revive one without dying myself.
My head is dizzy and I can barely see.
I'm out of grenades.
I won't be able to heal myself in time.
There are at least 2 SBDs still alive.

BUT I'M CLARK FISTKNIFE.
I DON'T GIVE UP IN THESE SITUATIONS.
I WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH IF IT MEANS ONE LAST KNIFING.
I--


Oh crap this wasn't supposed to happennnnnn.
Nobody's available, I've lost all health.

Woo, feeling dizzy...


Will Clark Fistknife get back up and fight, or is he down for good?
What about the others, will they be saved?
FIND OUT ON THE NEXT THRILLING EPISODE OF...
BATMAN WORLD WONDERS OF AQUAMAN

And by that, I mean this LP tomorrow.

I have a reason for not updating.
That reason is GALAXY TWO.

Sadly, I'm too busy today to give a good update because relatives are visiting in a few minutes SO ENJOY THIS SHORT HALF-ASSED UPDATE.

Clark, this is your conscious...
You cannot die, not here, not now.
NOW FIGHT AND KILL THEM ALL.
YOU ARE A FISTKNIFE COMMANDO. YOUR JOB IS TO KNIFE PUNCH THOSE BASTARDS.
NOW GET TO IT.

YEAHHHHHHHHH, TIME FOR REVENGE.


YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


Alright guys! It's time to go in AND KICK SOME booty.


YEAH.


WHAT AN ANTICLIMATIC SOLUTION. BETTER UPDATE TOMORROW.

OOPS CRAPPY UPDATE.

BY TOMORROW I MEANT THREE DAYS LATER SORRY.

I had HUGE problems with uploading but they're all fixed now so everyone is pop flyin'!

EDIT: Oh ffff it's not fixed it feels like making me upload 20 times before it gets it right.


I walk in, and guess what the first thing I'm treated to is.

C'MON, GUESS.




They don't live long, THANKS TO KNIFE PUNCHES.


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I mean, manly roar.

Roar.


MORE?
I don't get paid for this...


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
I STILL LOVE HOW I CAN DO THIS TO HEAVILY ARMORED BATTLE DROIDS.


You can't see them, but THEY'RE COMING FROM THE CEILING NOW!


You, blow this thing up so we can go home.
NOW.


FOR MELEE WEAPONS. (This marks the 1000th picture I've uploaded to my tinypic account, that's a lot of pictures. This includes ALL pictures, from those for random crap to Emerald Letsplay.)


IT'S BRIIIIIIIGHT.

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTT.


How many of these things have I killed now?


OH WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN HERE.


CLOSE THE WINDOW.
CLOSE THE daisies WINDOW.


THIS ONE GOT CRUSHED AND IT DIED HAH HAH.

I swear these bugs are making me go insane.


This'll be easy from here!

Wait, are those...?


GAAAAA.

CAN'T YOU PEOPLE GIVE ME A BREAK.
FOR FIVE MINUTES.


FIVE FREAKIN' MINUTES.


YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR ARMS.


Oh hey this thing is still up.

NOW WE HAVE TO BLOW IT UP AGAIN.


COME ON!
HOW MANY OF THESE THINGS ARE THEY PRODUCING?


This is a second wave of them.
This is getting dull.


BUT THIS IS NOT.


GET OUT OF THE WAY I THINK THE BASE IS GOING TO EXPLODE.


I SAID OUT OF THE WAY. DO YOU NOT LISTEN.


...WHAT IS THIS.
DO THEY JUST PUT THE SAME ROOM IN THEIR BUILDING MILLIONS OF TIMES BEFORE SAYING "THIS IS A BUILDING."

WORST ARCHITECTS EVER.


THE WORST.


THE MOST WORST.


Finally.


WHAT DO YOU WANT I'M BUSY CELEBRATING THE CLOSING OF WINDOWS.


THIS IS GETTING AWFULLY REPETITIVE


f


I MUST SAY THIS IS GETTING RATHER ANNOY.


Gaaa that is a lot of blood.

From a robot.

And look 2 more SBD's.
These are becoming less of a threat and more of an annoyance now.


This is getting so old now there is no reason for me to screen this.


THAT SURE TOOK ME BY SURPRISE.


Hello? Guys? Still waiting to be revived here.


Finally.

How come Fixer never comes and heals me?


ESCAPE!

GODANMM CLARK FISTKNIFE

I was going to update today, but the website I upload to is being difficult and forcing me to upload the SAME PICTURES OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

In apology, I give you all a SNEAK PEEK on the next episode.


Oh crap guys. WAKE UP!
THEY INVENTED THE CONSOLE IN CASE SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENED!
GUYSSS, I FORGIVE YOU. WAKE UP.


EDIT: Same problem, there may not be updates for a short while.

I remember this game. Best Star Wars game in a while, definitely the only good one to come out of the prequels.

WE ARE GOING FOR THE UPDATE DESPITE ALL ISSUES.

If anyone can find an image uploading site OTHER THAN TINYPIC that lets you upload multiple images at a time, link me.


FREEDOM!
Yes there's still planet to traverse, but there are less battle droids on planet.


I still have a large hatred for bugs nonetheless.


I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS BO-SCHITT.
I HAVE A BASE TO DESTROY.


Nobody ever listens anymore.


Fraps is stupid and didn't capture my moments in the turret.

Here's a quick rundown:
"I'M IN A TURRET YEAHHHH."
"I KILLED 6 SBDS WITH LASER BEAMS YEAHHHH."
"DOMMIT FIXER DON'T GET IN MY WAY."
"We need a replacement for 38!"
"Wait What."
"WHY ARE YOU ALL FIRING AT ME."
"I'LL TEACH YOU ALL TO OPEN FIRE AT YOUR BOSS."
*KNIFE, KNIFE, KNIFE*

Which leads us up not now.

Oh crap.

Guys, wake up! I order you to!
FFFFF THIS IS WHAT THEY INVENTED THE CONSOLE FOR.
WAKE UP! FFFFFFF...


I feel guilt...


Screw this I'm reloading my save.


Of course they send in EVERYTHING at the last minute.


Hey look better guns.


YEAHHHHH.
NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL A MANS WEAPON.


SBDs NO LONGER PISS ME OFF!


I ran out of ammo quickly though and people started to die.


I went through ALL that to get a shielded door?

Maybe I underestimated their security.


It won't stop me from finding another entrance though.


Hm, despite the massive amounts of droids, this place seems pretty nice.


Hah! Your little reinforcements won't stop me!


Wait, is that a...

OH SHIT.


Allow me to explain:

The Spider Droid is a prototype which is VERY heavily armored and EXTREMELY powerful.

It's one weak point is in the center of it's body, and half of the time it is covered by a flap which continues to flop up and down.

If your only weapon is a pistol, you may as well accept your fate.

And when I said SBDs were annoying...?

THESE ARE A MILLION TIMES WORSE.

If you're too lazy to read all of this, Scorch sums it up perfectly in the screenshot.


This is half the battle.
daisies, that's a LOT of blood.


What am I doing? Using my gun? I'm a SPECIALIST in fistknifing, I need to charge in and...


Command my troops to anti-armor positions!


Is it dead yet? Do I get to devour its legs?


Nah, it's just tracking targets to shoot homing missles at!

Is that all?


Arms, too, stubby, to, reach, weak, spot.

*whimper*


NO HARD FEELINGS ABOUT THE whoa doozy...


HERE I AM IN A WORLD OF MYYYYY IMAGINATION...


EVERYONE HEAL.

NOW.

And before I forget THANK YOU FOR KILLING THE SPIDER WITHOUT ME.

YOU'RE ALL SO GENEROUS.


AND OF COURSE THE FIRGGIN' DOOR IS LOCKED.


So my advisor yells some stuff at us that there's another door outside so we go out and IT'S LOCKED TOO.

WHAT A SURPRISE.


Then my advisor yells at the pilot who took me here in the first place to bomb the door down.

I still hate him for driving through the battlefield.


I really expected more.

We've BROKEN INTO the establishment and are about to destroy the entire place.

One SBD and 2 regular droids.

If this was Oblivion I would have violated the law and have been forced to pay a fine.





At this type of security and they're still using easy to slice terminals?

Maybe I OVERESTIMATED their security.


Kay guys can we hurry up the slicing?
Spider Droid, not friendly, coming this way.


HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO HANDLE THIS ALL AT ONCE?

Damnit, the enemies are on the other side of that big chasm. Your fistknife is useless!

NEWS:
If I'm correct the last mission to Geonosis is next or after next. I'd like some guest speakers to speak as Sev, Scorch, and Fixer for this last Geonosis episode.

If you're interested send me a PM or apply here.


arglaphbl


You, snipe, now.


You, hack their computer, now.


How's that spider droid coming along?


Wow, it's, erm, GONE.

Figured it didn't need to stop the intruders responsible for the death of it's brother, I guess.

He's going to regret that when the base falls on top of him.


All I can do is shoot at them for now.


Oh hey they're coming closer, it's time to...


GO KNIFE PUNCHING.


Dommot Sev you left me no targets.


According to our advisor, we need to split up and go through these four air vents Gordon Freeman style.


Well...
I've been through larger.


TO THE GREAT UNKNOWN.


WHOAAA AN ELEVATOR.
Something tells me this is not your average air vent.


That is a long way up.


Still pretty long...

Wait, I think my advisor just said something about Super Battle Droids.
Maybe he's a fan.

Note to self: Kill advisor.


Heh, all these droids against one Clark Fistknife.

These odds are so unfair!

Especially to the droids!


I'm prepared to kill EVERYTHING right now.


Ohshi- are those...


FFFFFFFf
FFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME.


THERE ARE MORE THAN THAT FIRST SET?!

I AM GOING TO KILL MY ADVISOR.

Kill List:
All Super Battle Droids
Fixer
All Spider Droids
My Pilot
My Advisor


Oh hey a turret.


I THOUGHT YOU WERE INACTIVE.


WAKING UP THE ONES IN HERE WASN'T SMART EITHER.


MEDICCCCCCCCc.


Oh domn.


DIE.
ALL OF YOU.


I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE ALL OF YOU BLOW INTO BITS BY MY GRENADES.


YOU ARE NOT MAKING THIS EASY.


Well, that was easier than expected.


There we go, an air vent that may or may not have an elevator in it.


Oh crap.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS OVER.


THIS TURRET DOES NOT HELP.


Ugh, an elite.

He shoots fire from his hands you know.


THAT'S RIGHT, I'm GOING TO SHOOT THE FIRE OUT OF YOU.

BECAUSE I HATE YOU.


Negotiations were a success!


Looks like Scorch found his conduit.

Now he just needs to blow it up and...


But of course.


AN ELEVATOR.

DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING.


That does not bode well.


Or that.


Finally!
SNEAK ATTACK!


+2 Stealth Exp.


This pattern continues.


I NEED TO FIND THE EFFIN' CONDUIT.
SO I CAN MAKE IT GO BOOM.


YOU ARE DIRTY.


Here we go.

Scan terminals never make anything go wrong!


ESCAPE KEYYYY.


EVERYTHING IS EXPLODING.

I am okay with this.


IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT HAPPENS HERE.


THE SBDs ARE DYING.

I am also okay with this.


I am not okay with this.


I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD NOT ALIVE.


WHY DO THEY COME TO LIFE.


ESCAPEEEEE


MY ELECTRIC GRENADES ARE INEFFECTIVE.


I think I've been incapacitated...


Nah, it was just a lack of food since the start of this mission.

Man, I'm hungry.


FUCK THIS SHIT.

I'M BLOWING THE PLACE UP.


I'M OUT OF HERE.

SCREW YOU GUYS.


AND STOP BLEEDING ALL OVER MY HELMET.

IT IS NOT PROFESSIONAL OF YOU.


If there is one update where I did not get a sceenshot like this...


NO.
I WILL ENJOY WATCHING YOU ALL DIE.


THE EXIT, AT LAST.

(I know I left 800 something SBDs back there but SCREW THEM THIS IS FREEDOM.)


Oh dommot there are more elevators.

It's the last air vent elevator thing, treasure the moment.

What do you mean guest speakers?

I do a version of the update and send it to first speaker via PM. The person who receives it writes their commentary in the color of their commando.
(Red = Sev
Green = Fixer
Orange = Scorch)

Then they send their commentary back to me and I'll send it to the next person to edit. They'll send it back, I send to the final person. After they edit it, I make a few changes and then post it as an update.

Can I apply?

Oh wow that is WAYYYYYYYY too many updates on one page.

Going to the next page.