AWKWARD ZOMBIE

You can just catch one

You're- you're honestly suggesting that I should be using a novelty Pokemon? Because you think its actually good?

Wut?

I mean sure, its got the 1.5*Exp boost, but that's about it.


That's the drawback of traded Pokemon - any Pokemon above the minimum level (depending on getting every second gym badge, otherwise about level10 or so) disobey. Its to prevent really high-level Pokemon from being traded in and beating the game that easily.

If you haven't noticed, I have a tendency to end updates directly before entering a cave or forest. There's no particular reason for that.


Seriously, what the hell is that thing?! Its... its like some sort of tiki statue, only with a really bad cold!


Actually, one question: why is it that a posessed lawnmower is especially effective at mashing up Rock Pokemon, but largely ineffective at cutting up Grass Pokemon?


I shall post-hastly lock it up in my PC for no reason whatsoever other than "it looks funny".


So... it tries to protect itself by causing any metal objects to quickly fling towards it?

That's about as ridiculous as Voltorbs. Who attempt to protect themselves from predators by... blowing themselves up.


I remember I always used to get angry whenever anyone said *noun*mon when trying to make up a Pokemon, since it was an entirely different franchise that did that. Nosepass gets an exception.


Because its daisies funny looking!


Thats my reasoning, and I'm sticking with it!


No, dude, it began in Twinleaf Town. Trust me, I can remember that far back.


He says a bunch of other cryptic stuff that isn't worth screenshotting, so lets skip that part.


I still hold my opinion that he is so fucking cool, even if his entire gang is composed of idiots.


Y'know, all this spelunking surely can't be good for my health!



Wait, did I just cross through an entire mountain?


Little? Geez, I'm the same size as you are! Well, except in diameter.

Fat-booty!


Alright, Nosepass is beginning to look a lot less funny and a lot more freaking annoying!


Wootinary... I think. At this stage, I'm leveling up too much for it to be much of a celebration.

Ah, I remember the good ol' days, when we used to go partying 5 hours straight every time Wukong went up a notch. *sniff*
Now, I'm just too old for that kinda stuff...


That... that's not what I said.

I'm gonna go over here now...


Once again, folks, its time to CATCH! THAT! POKEMON!
YAAAAY!


OH HOLY FUCK I want that! I want that one! I want that Ralts more than a girl living in California wants a fluffy pair of shoes!


In case you're wondering, the only reason I still carry Miasma around is for its ever-useful Curse attack.


Well FUCK! That was TOTALLY not supposed to happen!




In the meantime, I caught a few more Pokemon that weren't worth showing their faces for:


So, its special ability is... that it relaxes anyone nearby?

This Pokemon must be utterly horrible when it comes to fighting in a group!

And that's ignoring that its the size of a shoe.


In both senses of the word!




Honestly, I can't remember why I bothered to catch this thing in the first place. I mean, I'm not actually taking this PokeDex thing seriously, I just like filling up my PC with random living creatures.


Oh hoh hoh I'm so clever!

Seriously though, I hate its guts!





Oh gods WHY WILL YOU NOT LEAVE ME ALONE?! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

I mean, what? You've been so offended the first time I started beating you that you started getting a hideous obsession with trying to become strong enough to beat me, and have been following me ever since?





...
We haven't even started a battle and I hate you already.

This game needs some sort of Spit function.


OH GOD! A MIME! THE HORROR!

No, even worse, A BABY MIME! THEY'VE LEARNED HOW TO REPRODUCE!


In case of Mime, apply lawnmower directly to the forehead.


Its a... potted... plant.

A lawnmower fighting a potted plant.

Honestly, this is just ridiculous.


No question about it! You artsy people just love the sight of a picture of a garden tool versus a household decoration piece! Man, that must be full of symbolism.

Nutcase.


OH BLOODY HELL now even the Pokemon are acting as plot-stalling NPCs too?!


I wish I could say the same for you...


Alright, so I know I haven't got a PhD in Pokemon psychology, but


To summarise what she goes on about next:
"I'm not giving you an item. Stuff it."
At least, thats what I understood as far as I'm concerned.




I seriously can't think of any more Pokemon Center jokes, I've come here too often! That's a really big issue, considering I do need to include these screens!


Oh. Ah, sure, why not? I mean, its not like you plan on doing that by beating me into submission or anything.


...
Yeah, I should've seen that coming a mile away.

I wonder if I can get my Pokemon healed as I'm fighting her?


Right...
Its a balloon, held together with duct tape, with a hair piece on its head...

Would it be alright if I went insane during this interview?


Well its about time! If you ask me, you lot should be having little skirmishes inside your Pokeballs every time I go for a walk! Put you to some use, you lazy wretches!


Seriously? They withhold items depending on how good you are at battling with Pokemon? How... how does it make any sort of profit at all that way?! And doesn't that just make the higher-up guys even HARDER to trash?! And what about those who don't fight, are they cursed to live a life on bread and water alone?!


Actually, come to think of it, how do people get their stuff in the first place? I mean, all the shops I've seen only sell battle-related items. Do people feast on potions alone or something?






In case you've forgotten, there are Ralts in this grass. Ralts which made me make an exlamation of, and I quote, "Holy Fuck". That is some good quality Ralts!


WHAT?!



WHAT IS THAT THING?!


HAVE THE BIDOOFS BEEN TRYING TO ENGINEER SUPERSOLDIERS?!


THIS THING IS SERIOUSLY CREEPING ME OUT!



That's better. Remember, all of life's problems can easily be solved by a lawnmower to the face!





Well its about daisies time! I mean, I was searching for one of these for ages!


The PANK Pokeball is for knocking out any doubt in your mind that I don't want a Gardevoir. It will, however, hammer in the thought that I'm a sexist bastard.

That's only mostly true.


That-
That is the most stereotypical girl description I have come across so far!


Two points go to Fooflyer. The word play really is just that awesome!





AAH no! My egg is getting destroyed! Now what will I have to eat?!


OH! It was just hatching. Phew, its still perfectly edible!



Incidentally, what did Cynthia bang to result in this kind of a Pokemon anyway?

Pokedex says "Togetic", some sort of fairy Pokemon.

daisies, that must've been every girl's greatest dream ever!



Did I mention I may be a sexist bastard?


Easy thinking +1!


Plasma: oh lucky me, two Ralts in a row!
Plasma: go, Scrambles, Charm that sunuvabit!
Plasma: oh
Plasma: hm
Plasma: Scrambles has two moves
Fooflyer: That is not good
Plasma: one that reduces the attack of the (psychic) opponent
Plasma: and one that reducest the attack of the (psychic) opponent, but faster
Fooflyer: Worse than that Beautifly
Plasma: you mean Mothula
Plasma: Beautifly had Gust
Plasma: and now its evasiveness is up to a ridiculous amount thanks to Double Team
Plasma: and oh how fun
Plasma: it knows teleport
Fooflyer:


In the mean time, LOTS AND LOTS OF BIDOOFS!


Why must a Pokemon with a 15% chance of appearing appear oh so very less frequently than one with a 20% chance? The RNG must be a Bidoof-lover!


Well FINALLY! Geezus! I mean it nearly makes me think that they don't want to be beaten within an inch of their life and then stuffed in tiny little Pokeballs!


Also, this was all after finding out that Ralts have a catch rate of 235. To put that in perspective, using a x3 multiplier like that Nest Ball, its a near-guarantee that it'd be caught even on full health!

To be precise, the chance of catching a pokemon is A/765 (where A is the catch rate of pokemon (3 for legendaries, 255 for Pidgeys) multiplied by 3 as its health approaches 0, by 1.5 for paralyzation or burn, by 2 for sleep or freeze, and by the ball multiplier as well). Makes catching them a lot easier this way.


Oh I do so love naming schemes!




Alright, team switch-a-roo! The two Ralts and Rotom are staying on permanently. I left out Wukong because he got enough fun as it is, and Miasma's curse is still really really useful for catching Pokemon!

I really need False Swipe...

I named my Togepi the EXACT SAME THING!
And I got to Hearthome before you, so...
...
YOU STALKER

You should make the male Ralts into a Gardevoir and the female one into a Gallade. For that lolz.

Or, at least, that's what I was going to say until I remembered that only male Ralts can become Gallades.

GET OUT OF HERE STALKER.

Stalker sasquatch.

Stalker = Spy?
There is a Spy in the Post!

You should go do some contests, because I never could do them.

Wow, seriously? That must really rack up the phone bill!

:awesome:


Oh bollocks! I forgot this was where the plot-swerving NPC went!


OH BOLLOCKS! There's no way I'm gonna be able to get to a gym with this much plot derailing!


Honestly Mom, you barely speak to me at all! Heck, I'm honestly surprised you still remember who I am at this stage!





Alright, at this stage, there's a huge conversation between the two about Pokemon contests, shoes, and whatever else girls talk about these days. And since I'm presuming you lot get that from your several girlfriends that-I-presume-you-have-because-all-readers-of-this-LP-are-downright-awesome, lets skip that.




A... Tuxedo? Whats the stats on that, is it better than my +2 Beret of Awkwardness?


Really though, the contents of my backpack must be looking daisies funny! I mean, I've got a bunch of TMs, a bag of assorted berries, several empty Pokeballs, loads of medical equipment, a bike, and a tuxedo! Thank the gods this bag is apparently free from the laws of physics and has no actual mass or volume!


Right. I think just about everyone has worn out the "If your mother likes it, its probably hideous" joke too much already, so instead I have a replacement joke:
BUTTS!





Sure, of course there isn't such a place as France and she was probably born and raised in Sinnoh on account of there being no airports whatsoever, but goddam we are gonna speak like a Frenchie anyway!


Once again: all gym leaders meet me outside the gym, then promptly run away behind the safety of their bodyguard trainers!


A... Super Contest? What, is the head organiser a SNES fanatic or something?


Yeah, I decided to take some time off to do at least one. An enterance-level Beauty Contest with Psychick. Because I still really like pushing the gender role on her!


Well hey, that was pretty good timing if I may say so myself! I must be the last person they needed to enter!

Either that or the game is rigged. RIGGED, I SAY!



......I don't know which is more disturbing. The fact that I had to get changed right in the main room, directly in front of the girl, or that I managed to get changed just by spinning around really fast...




Right, short contest explanation:
Contests come in three parts - a visual part, a dance part, and an acting part. Each one carries equal marks, where how well you did is a percentage relative to how well the best competitor did.
I'll try keep things short, on account of you lot probably not caring.


Also, I miss my beret...


Visual Stage


OH GOD, BIDOOF! And it even has horns! I KNEW THEY WERE EVIL!


Don't ask me why it has leaves stuck up its butt though. Although then again, its a Bidoof.



Its a common tradition to make your Pokemon look as ridiculous as possible. Well, its not a tradition as much as it is something thats just completely inevitable. Seriously, if you have some way of getting three feathers and two balls of fluff to look good on a Pokemon, I'd really like to see it!


Oh yeah, and it doesn't give the results until the very end. TENSION TENSION!

Dance Stage


Its like DDR. Except where you can only do three moves. And you can decide the moves when you're the lead dancer. And instead of dancing, you have simple screen-pressing; which is why its infinitely better than DDR.


There's no way to make it seem more exciting than that, so...

Acting Stage


The acting stage is by far my favourite, simply because you can actually do something in it! Each Pokemon move in the game, along with having a battle effect, has an extra type and ability for Competitions. The goal here is to get as much hearts as you can, using whatever moves. Using a move thats the same type as the competition (in this case beauty, which I have none of) increases the voltage for whatever judge you used it on, while using a move opposite to the comp type reduces it. Whoever gets the voltage on 5 on any judge (voltage is shared across all entrants) gets quite a payload of hearts!
It goes on for four rounds.


Also, you attack the air. Somehow. Don't ask.


Apparently, the audience is quite pleased that Psychick completely disappeared. Don't worry Psychick, I'm sure it has nothing to do with how you look...


Yeah... so Pits may be absolutely kicking my booty right now...





Results

TENSION TENSION!


See? The mashed-up hat always works in the end!



Hey, don't blame me! Its hard to press buttons like that using a mouse!

Also, blast that Pit! He's nearly caught up with me!



HAH! AHAH! AHAHAHAHAH! I am king of all Enterance-Level competitions!

Actually, Pit might have managed to beat me if he had done slightly better on the Visual stage. But that's what he gets for trying to actually look good in that part!


So......... what's my reward? Lotsa cash? Hot babes? Eh, eh?


Oh. Wow. Gee, thanks. I'm sure this will be useful.


Oh yeah, and Psychick got a ribbon too. But that's it.

I'm not kidding, that's the actual reward. A ribbon!




Anyway, I feel I've threatened my manliness enough for one day. Lets go beat that gym leader!



Wut?

Oh wow, they actually have a sign that DOESN'T straight away state what the leader's speciality is! I was seriously not expecting that.


I was expecting that though. The coincidence of meeting you is looking a lot less accidental and a lot more... stalker-y.

He did have something to say. Something about dark room, flashlight, and floor patterns, but he somehow managed to make it so very drawn out that it really wasn't worth screencapping!


Anyway, lets actually go into the gym now. I could've sworn I was already in it, but apparently not.


Hm.


Okay, this needs an explanation:
Apparently, from whatever way the emulator works, the darkness effect and flashlight beams don't actually show.

Well that sucks!


Yup, typical! As soon as I get my psychic Pokemon, I have to face up against the Ghost gym leader!


And yes, Ghost is strong against Psychic. Most people don't think so thanks to a problem with Generation 1.


Masochistic suicide, yeah! Show them who's boss, Miasma!

By which I mean, they are. You goddam waste of poisonous gas.



Those two really aren't going to be able to level up on their own. So I feel some assistance is required.


Y'know, when I think of a gym full of ghosts and eerie glowing skulls, the first thing that comes to mind is not school kids!


My ghost is still far more powerful than yours is!

Of course, its usually a bad sign when another ghost using a move that isn't of its type and is only half as effective on your ghost still knocks it out in one go.



Hey, here's a thought for the day. Consider, if you will, that these little children here apparently have more powerful Pokemon than any of the Team Galactic Commanders so far! What, are the Team so pathetic that they can't even take Gastly from a baby?





PsyGuy levelled up, and I support equal rights regardless of gender!

That, and it takes less Exp to level up her instead of PsyGuy again.



See, now THAT'S a ghost Pokemon! Not one of those ball-of-bad-smelling things I kept seeing.


And, of course, it nearly kills me.

I vote for a comeback of the Gastlys! They're easier to kill off.


Some healing was necessary! Especially since I only have one Pokemon now that's above the average level.

That is really not a good sign...

You reminded me how absolutely retarded Pokemon contests are. Especially the dressing up-part. There's absolutely no way to know how to do that unless you have a guide open while doing the contest.

Well, you can have a slight indication... but yes, you really do need a guide to do that one well.

But the entire acting part is very well done though. Especially the move combos (which, looking back, I actually could've used two: Confusion+Teleport, and DoubleTeam+Teleport.

I just threw a bunch of items on my pokemon during the dress-up feature and hoped I got a good score.

Didn't your Luxio learn Bite?

chargedog is a cat