AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Creepy seer child no less.

Also I foresee our hero meeting the Fuckup Squad next update.

EDIT: There you go, new page.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I am most certainly not spending my next update training the most incompetent squad in the entire incompetent NCR army.

You could hit off a few rounds here

As soon as I get a hold of Nephi's driving iron, I'll make sure to whack a few balls into Lake Las Vegas.

Kids, here's a lesson.

Don't kill random NPCs early in the game, no matter how unimportant they may seem.

They could very well be essential for a very profitable quest later on and you'll have to use console commands to resurrect him.

This is standard knowledge for Bethesda games. Also the best reason to play them on PC because it turns out a lot of critical NPC's are either stupid enough to wander into your sword or annoying enough to justify their death.

Who'd you kill?

Was it Vulpe?

Boxcars, the Powder Ganger in Nipton who got his legs broken. I figured it would be a mercy kill, and he was annoying the shit out of me asking for drugs. Turns out he's necessary for the Searchlight scavenging quest.

Also, and I'm noting this from a different playthrough, Boone has a habit of making his weapons disappear. He's like a fucking wizard. So far he has lost two Gobi Desert Rifles (I used console commands to replace it the first time since it's a unique gun) and an Anti-Materiel Rifle. It's not an ammo or condition problem, he just randomly makes his rifle disappear.

He probably just likes his own rifle too much.

Chapter 10: For A Hill Men Would Kill



Taking a Nuka break, Sarge?



Most NCR are happy to see me, you know. On account of all the free fuck-up fixes I perform. What's your problem?



Sounds like fun.



Sounds like no fun.



You sound like a disappointed father.



Are they really all that bad?





Maybe I can help?



Got a bunch of teenage rebels, huh?



Loser #1.



Sergeant what's his name asked me to help him shape up your unit.



That's... perfectly logical? You guys are a pain in the booty so he wants some outside help.



Well at least you're not afraid to admit that you're a fucking coward.



How in the fuck did someone like you end up in the Army?



Sounds like a pretty good trade-off, seeing as you're at risk simply by being alive these days.



You're joking.



You are fucking joking.

I am so done with your shit.



What the fuck is your story? I'd like to see how you're even worse than the last guy.



I have a feeling that's how you address your superiors, isn't it.

I'm looking for ways to beef up the squad.



...What.



I... think I'm gonna go talk to your squadmates.



Fucking hell.



Please be a normal person.



Your Sarge wants me to fix the Misfits.



A radroach army is nothing to joke about. You haven't seen what I've seen.

I'll miss you, Kenny.



That sounds reasonable, except...



...one of them is perfectly happy being incompetent, and the other just wants to get high.

Let me go talk to the other guy, see what insane theory he's got.



Alright, one more guy.



Sergeant. Squad. Help.



Human... niceness?



Morale problem, then. Maybe if I can get your squad to stop being dicks to each other, you can start acting like a team.



No problem, I'll engage in some trickery.



Don't worry, I am a very good liar.



So, uh, what's it been like in the Army?



You sound bitter.



You really hate your crew, huh?





Maybe if you stepped up and acted more like a leader, they'd be more willing to follow you.



Perfect, now to talk to your guys.



Tell me about it.



I suppose you're the only competent soldier here, then. You sound really fucking arrogant, man.

You're wearing an NCR uniform, that means you need to work together and respect the other people wearing it.



Holy shit, that worked.



...Okay, I'll be honest. You should just fucking desert. AWOL. Run.

BUT since you're here already, maybe you can use that giant fucking brain to help steer your squad in the right direction.



It's not a small target.



Social experiment, then. Whatever helps you sleep at night.



Yes, congratulations, everyone is friendly.



What have I done.



Morale's more important, anyway. Now they're working together, you can teach them how to fight.



Wow, fucking rude.



Fuck it, I'm out of here.



Beautiful.



No problem. That's a solution.



Guess you're still mad about your wife, huh?



Let me guess, the road's closed.



Of course it is.



Something like that.



Are you gonna crack jokes, or are you gonna tell me what you need done?



So what's the work?



Sounds like something Razz would say. And you're a fucking Ranger?



Sure, no prob- wait, hostages?



Christ.



That's fucking cold. Have you even thought of trying to go in and rescue them?



I've dealt with worse.



You fucking... You know what? Fuck it, sure, I'll do it.





They'll get special treatment, don't you worry.



Let's go.



There's Nelson.



And there's assholes.



Let's do this, fuckers.



Jesus, Boone, save some for me.



Or not, whatever. Damn, you really don't like these guys.



Alright, there's the hostages. I'll be back for you guys in a minute.



I'm loving this knockback attack.



More nuts to crack.



That Ranger severely overestimated you guys.



About fucking time.



I think that's the last one outside.

Now for the leader.



GET BACK, MOTHERFUCKER.



Alright boys, don't worry.



Mama's here.



Now fucking run for it.



Thanks, Boone.



I've got some words for you, asshole.



It just means I'm not a heartless coward. I thought you Rangers were supposed to be badasses.



At this point I should be the NCR's patron fucking deity.



I can see how it might be necessary sometimes, but this was hardly an overwhelming force. The NCR could have taken this place no problem.





Wait, does this have something to do with your wife?



Whoa, alright. I'm just saying, maybe you want to get it off your chest.



Alright, your call.



That's a poison, Boone. We're gonna have to get your head straight eventually.



For now, though, let's hit the road.



Another town. Let's see if I can offload some of this Legion gear I swiped.



This doesn't look good.



Let me check for supplies, then we'll scoot.



Aw shit, an ambush. I should have seen this coming.



Thankfully, these Vipers are incompetent as ever.



Boone's taking most of these guys out before I can chase them down.



Jango's getting some work done too.



Now that I've got even more junk weighing me down, let's check out this town.



Oh good, it's friendly.



Fuck me. So what are you still doing here?





What the fuck happened?



God FUCKING damn it.



Fucking Legion. How are you still alive?



Lucky.



I've got some rad medicine, so I'll have a look around.



Oh great, radscorps.



Thankfully, I'm just too awesome to die here.



In fact...



Let's do that again to make sure.



Storage area?



I wonder what's down here.

I wouldn't have wagered you for a "here and now" kinda guy

God no I hate this place

Queen of Spades gets shit done, here and now.

I'm proud of you for being a villain in the eyes of the Legion. From what I can tell, they're approximately the worst people ever.

Nah, the worst people are the fiends, vipers, and jackals.