AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Chapter 7b: Hollow As A Mountain



Back to the underground.



Deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.



I don't even know if rabbits exist anymore.



Jason and the Argh-onauts.

I hope that hurt you to read as much as it hurt me to write.



Please, just go.



I know you ghouls are long-lived, but eternity is a bit of a stretch.



Of course they are.



So wait, these old rockets are going to shoot you into your holy land?



I'm 90% sure those things are just for show, man.



That sounds like denial to me.



Okay, all of this work has been worth it for this.

I cannot BELIEVE they have this in my size.



I've been blinded by SCIENCE.

Alright, enough of this foolishness. Chris, you still need some help?



This is gonna be a fetch quest, isn't it.



Fuuuuuuck.



And the thrust control modules were stolen by Doctor Octopus?



Thanks for the morale boost. It's good to know that this will be a colossal waste of time.



At least I've got a lead on the ooze. Please tell me you've got an idea where to get the modules.



There's not too many of those around.



Here's the highly radioactive ruins.



Rad suit, dude. And you've got a sealed container of radioactive stuff that could easily be confused for rocket fuel. How convenient.

Wait, my rad counter isn't making any noise. What the hell killed you?



Oh SHIT.



Fuck, you things are a lot bigger than your Goodsprings cousins.



Ooze secured. Now for the gadgets.



Wake up, lady, you've got business.



I'm looking for some thrust control modules for three fake Repconn rockets.



You are shitting me. I'll take them.



Now you can go back to your nap.



I was going to make a joke about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but then I thought they might actually be real now.



Unbelievably, yes. Here's your fuel.

That is fuel, right?



Alright, that-

Wait, what?



Got those too.



They had better be magic, since those rockets AREN'T REAL.

That's everything, right?





I think the flight deck is more radioactive than that "Imagine Dragons" single.



Jason delivers a whole speech to his cult about their journey. Long story short, Chris is outed as a human, we're both saints, and they're boarding the rockets.



Your skin has no holes in it, how is this news to you.

Look, they'd take you with them, but look at the floor in there. Your DNA would untwist itself and jump out of your body trying to get away.



Yeah? Trust me, dying is a pain in the ass.

Look at the bright side. You've been canonized by a ghoul cult. That might be important one day.



It's probably because you've been insulting people for having smooth skin.

You should try talking to other people. People aren't so bad. Some of them, anyway.



Let's not get carried away.



Sure, why not. Go live in Novac.



Hold on to that title for all it's worth.

Which is basically fuck all, but whatever.



Talk to you later. Or not. Probably not.



What a nutter.



Alright, how do you work this shit? I guess I'll just hit this big green button.



Well, at least I'll see some fireworks.



What the fuck.

They WORK?

No one is gonna believe this.



But now they will.



I'm never coming back here again.



Time to go tell Manny I got rid of the ghouls. He doesn't need details.



Oh, shit, hey, you're not Manny.



I was looking for the other sniper in the dinosaur's mouth.



I totally did.



Alright, you're a scary asshole, got it. I'm probably not one to judge, though.

Have you ever tried acting a little more friendly?



Well, I'm not from here.



That's the spirit.



...Okay, so, what are you thinking? Drinks?

As friends, I mean, I don't really get hot for the tall, dark, with a penis types.



Oh, you're talking about a job.



Shit, that's not funny at all.



Do you need me to find your wife?



Fuck. What do you need me to do?







Say no more. I'll find the son of a bitch.

Guess I'll go ask around.



Who tried to get you to talk?



Listen asshole, I've got enough evidence to put you away for life. Make it easy on yourself and just confess.



Hah, I can't believe that worked. Did you see what happened to Boone's wife?



The lobby?



I agree.



Boone said it was Legion.



...So you're insane then.



Yes, absolutely.



The molemen lead is a dead-end, but let's check out the lobby.



Evidence is kept in the locked safe, usually. I know this from my days as Allison Walker, Texas Ranger.



Well, look at what we've got here.



Jeannie May Crawford? Shit, she's basically the mayor here.

Wait, does that... That says they paid for Carla Boone and an unborn child.

Oh no.



Oh Jesus Christ, no.

I was gonna talk to Boone, see if I could convince him to ease up a bit, but this...



Yeah, I've got something you need to see, out by the dinosaur.



I'm going to try not to enjoy this.



Alright Boone, she's all yours.



Boone? Oh right, the beret.



WHOA, shit, that was fast.



Sometimes you sick fucks really deserve it.



Easy with the rifle, Boone. Don't shoot the messenger.

I found a bill with her name on it. I... don't think you need to read it.



So what are you gonna do now?



Sounds difficult.

Sounds like something you might need help with.

Sounds like you need me to tag along.



Don't snipers usually work with partners?



That's what I'm talking about.



Nah, we're just a couple of badasses with a robot.

I think we'll be fine.



But first...



Yeah, they're... gone.



You didn't know about the super mutants, you didn't know about the radioactive geckos, you didn't know shit.



Bullets in the face, they make you a man.

Even if you're a woman.





And where is that?



Why were they headed there and not straight up to Vegas?



Your friends are definitely gonna get what they deserve, don't worry.



Off to Boulder City.



So long, giant fucking dinosaur.

Congratulations Exeres, you have the bestiest companion ever.

Next to Veronica, anyways.

Those Argh-onauts are going to have an ill-liad since you didn't fix that computer.

Whothe fuckkeeps that kind of paper workjust lying around is a shitty safe

Clearly, people who aren't very smart.

yaaaaaaaay, it's Boone!

Boone best character of the year all years

Boone's great, but he's been my sole companion during EVERY playthrough I've ever done. He'll stick around until I can recruit my real target.

Hmmmmmmm I wonder what our friend is up to...

It's a long story and I don't really want to talk about it.

I will say that the casino operators do not appreciate you getting drunk and leading a circus of wildlife onto the stage.

so...Cass?

Look at everyone trying to spoil the surprise.

Not much of a surprise, anyway. Yes, Cass will be my one true companion. I will try to do everyone's little sidequest, but I can't promise it.

Are you gonna do Cass's side quest?

I just fucking said:

Does that include Legion sidequests