AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Alright!

Let's-a Play Super Mario RPG: Legend of the 7 Stars. And by Let's Play, I fuckin' mean Let's Play. You as the forum will dictate my actions as I play through this here gem of a game. I'll try to update consistently, showing off what I'm doing in between choices, and ending the post with the choice you guys will make.

Without further ado:



They don't make 'em like they used to.


Oh look, it's Princess Toadstool. The fuck is she doing in hillbilly land?


Shit just got real. Real dark. Wonder what's happening?


Of course. When in doubt, it's Bowser. Bastard, find someone else to harass!




Dick.


And Mario, somehow able to see giant red exclamation bubbles, emerges from his house.
Wait a second, the hell was Toadstool doing at Mario's place? I THOUGHT THIS WAS A KID'S GAME


So now Mario does what Mario does best: Jump all the fuck around.



Alright, let's play this sumbitch. >New Game


...Shit. I didn't study for this; dammit, Mario.

>Name the save file!

Fagballs.

Bit of due process: I'll be using the suggestion of the first person to make one, but if you got ninja'd I can take a vote.

Gobulcoque.
Winslow.
Terrykary.
Juiced.
Inuyasha.
Bragabond.
Coonsuit.

Classy.


This crap again? We just watched it! Whatever, skipping this.


Welcome to fabulous Bowser's Castle! We've got lava pits, fireball sticks, and all the Koopas you can jump on!


Silly Bowser, you shouldn't have done that. Mario will be expecting you to go to your own castle, numbnuts.


...And he's jumping again. Why, Mario? Why? Do you feel an insatiable need to jump over everyfuckingthing you come across?


The doors seemed to have opened by themselves. Don't do it, Mario! It's a trap!


Maybe not.



Let's just go through this door and.. The hell is that?

>Kill the mutated fucker or run past it?

Kill em dead with JUMPING

MARIO! THE FUCK IS WITH YOU AND JUMPING?!


No.. You bastard, you better not-


I'm warning you right now.. If you fucking jump again-


STAY THE FUCK RIGHT THERE!


GODDAMMIT MARIO I SWEAR THE NEXT TIME YOU JUMP I'M GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR FUCKING LEGS


Oh. It's dead. Whaddaya know.


Quit gloating, Mario. Don't you have a bitch to save or something?


More of 'em? Slay them all. BUT GODDAMMIT IF YOU JUMP...


MARIO WHY DO YOU INSIST ON- Oh, carry on.




Such style~ *ahem* I mean get your fat booty moving.

<insert Mario killing two more waves of mutated Koopas in the same fashion as above>


Look, more of them. I wonder if I can sneak-


So much for that plan.


Asshole. I would have expected better of you, Mario.


Welp, kicked their asses; time to move on.




HOLY SHIT I ALMOST DIED


Nah, just kidding. It fell after I crossed it.


The princess is up there, moron.


There you go.


No no no no NO! Mario, the fuck do you keep jumping for?! There was a perfectly fine wall you could have used to climb up and untie the princess.


May as well deal with Bowser while we're at this whole crack-addiction-like fascination with jumping.




>Who do I attack and how?

Suggestion 1: KILL THEM ALL WITH FISTS OF FURY!
Suggestion 2: play jump rope with the chain chomp.

And what fortune! I just recently got myself a physical copy of this game.

Well, since there's two suggestions, I'll leave it to a vote amongst the others. Whichever suggestion gets the most votes by page 2 is the one I go with.
This is in no way a stalling tactic so I can stop stretching the page.

Kill that bitch for fucking Bowser.

Fuckin, whore.

Grind your agility up to 95 or whatever and attack Toadstool.

I say attack the chain and kill him with the resulting falling damage.

Attack the chain thus avoiding Bowser's unfortunate bad breath attribute

Please note that Toadstool is not an available target because of shitty game limitations.

So Liraxus and Etank may want to resubmit their votes.

No thought there was a bug that if you get your speed up high enough toadstool will become a target