AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I WANNA BE
THE VERY BEST
LIKE NO ONE EVER WAAAAASSSSS....



Healed up and ready to go, cap'n!


So the next city is Goldenrod...
great.


I hate that-- wh?


You're shit at Pokemon.


Ohhhh, you meant them. They returned but they only ended up facebattling my booty.


I haven't quit lying since the day I was born, sir, but just this once I am telling the truth.



Wash, rinse, repeat.


BAM


BOOM.


You're getting better at this, Mousse!


.....stop that.


NO.


We'll just have to stop you from doing that!


Heheheheh.


YOU'RE WIDE OPEN!


SCOOOOORE

SEVERAL REFLECTS AND SYNTHESES LATER....

We are so close.


....noooo, stop that, that's practically cheating.


AGAIN!?


Because fuck you.


THAT DINOSAUR IS GOING DOWN.



Heh. This time I made sure Reflect would wear off that turn.


GO FOR THE EYES


Beautifully executed my upstanding member of society friend.


...heh.


You followed me.






Okay, shenanigans over.


.......no.


NO!


YOU RIGGED THIS THING MAN.



Dentures flinched almost ten times before this happened.
IN A ROW.


You must really hate yourself.
ZING! I'll be here all week. Not really, but whatever.


Dude, you have a Zubat.


...haaaangin' out.... doooown the street.... same old thaaaaang....
That we did last week....


NOT A THIIIIIING TO DOOOOO, BUT TALK! TO YOUUU!



WE'RE ALL ALRIGHT! WE'RE ALL ALRIGHT!


WE-- oh he left.



...and he's pop flyin' for that?


That guy is a pain.

WOOP-AAAAH

peter shhhh

or i'll spray you with mud

Kurt.



Love... Ball...? What is this blasphemy.


Oh well. Take some more I don't need these things.


"He-Man."


Me, mischief? Never.
Do I know you from somewhere lady?


What a pretty forest.
LET'S SMASH IT UP.


Taking a lunch break there kiddo?



Farfetch'd have... ears??



Sounds like mugging people. Fun.


Also, these things are in here.



We already went over this.


QUIT SCREAMING AND LET ME SHOVE THIS BAG OVER YOUR HEAD



Yeah. I know I'm awesome.


......sigh. I'm not your daisies miracle worker.


Ooh, now this sweetens the deal.


Killing stuff, doo doo doo~


Stop calling, stop calling, I don't wanna talk anymore.


Hey Farfetch'd I'm over here! And I deeeefinitely won't be moving.



Muahahahah.



cheddar please.


....then why the hell does he let you go out alone with them??


Morons.


Oh shit it's an adult.


......I think I need a drink after hearing those names.



You could try doing it yourself.


...teenager, asshole.


cheddar!?



Oh... close enough I guess.


Done and done.


Unfortunately, none of my useless Pokemon could learn it. Ah well.



Man this place sucks.


I don't even want to go to......
GEISHAS.



You're that creepy lady from Violet City.



.....no. I'm not.


Yeah sure, exit's right over--



....I came through here not too long ago.

You're right, Axolovle. This bitch be trippin'.




Yes she is. She likes spewing mud on people too.



......how was she lost again??



The exit was right here.


Oh boy, I can see Goldenrod in the distance.



MUD EVERYWHERE.




You people and your sand.


BAH.


You go down now.



Yeeeeesssssss.


Dentures likes eating birdies.



...this mud fish is awesome.


Whoa-ho-ho!



NOT STRONG ENOUGH.


Except Axolovle is hurt, so...




....no.


WHAT?


Oh my god Wikileek kill it.


Ahahahah. Sheepy thing.


DESTROY.


Because you suck.


...dammit Pat, what now?


Meh. I'm okay.


............

and then I hung up.




Well that just happened.


I recognize that voice.


Here comes the wimp and his Marill.



"Especially considering how I'm too lazy to do it myself!"


What a goody-goody two shoes.


Shhhhh I'm not here.


Dammit Ethan.


Hey! I am amazing, thank you!


Look at the glossy coat on this Wooper!


Fine, ignore me. See if I care.



Look, he has a full set.




!!!!!!!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


OLD HAG.


HARRUMPH.



Just happens to live nearby, huh...


MAYBE I WON'T.


Smell ya later dickface.


Dammit.


Who said I wanted your number!?


Don't change the subject, Ethan!



...why.


No.




Since when was that in the rule book?


Oops.

If that's a rule, Joey's gonna be calling the pokecops on your booty.

HERE'S A TRAINER PROFILE TO HOLD PEOPLE OVER UNTIL TOMORROW
BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE DRAWING ANYTHING

YOU'VE SEEN HIM ENOUGH, DEAL W/ IT

NAME: GARRETT CARSIL DO'AVIGNE
AGE: FIFTEEN
BLOOD TYPE: WHATEVER MAKES HIM A LITTLE BITCH
HEIGHT: TALLER THAN GREYLIN
WEIGHT: NEVER ASK A LADY THAT
EYE COLOR: PALE BLUE
HAIR: BETTER THAN YOURS

LIKES: Gambling, card games, wine
DISLIKES: Basically everything else but especially his father

Garrett Do'avigne was born and raised in Viridian City. That's right, the one in Kanto. His father, Giovanni, was an abusive drunk asshole of a father. Of course Garrett was much more attached to his mother at an early age, but soon enough she grew too sick to... well, really do anything, including talk to him and influence him. His father did all of that. He took him out barhopping and drinking with him, teaching him how to be a really annoying little prick. One day, his father hoped he'd take over the family business of stealing people's Pokemon and hawking them for cheddar. After his father was defeated, however, things got even worse. Worse for Garrett, that is.
When Garrett's mother died, his father left to "train." Garrett never saw him again. There wasn't much else he could do but go to a new region (with the cheddar from the family fortune, of course, they were bloody rich) and steal a dinosaur-plant-thing from some nerdy professor.

(Normally Garrett's mom dies when he's nineteen but he probably wouldn't have left until that happened, sooooo)

Oh great now someone else wants to talk to me.


blrgrhblrrhhrb;


Fine.


"Because our daisies grandson never calls."


"Useless contraption..."


"Do I know you from somewhere?"
NO NOT AT ALL HEHEHEH


Little boy, go play with someone your own si--
what do you mean you're five feet tall. Ugh. Fine.


Ain't gonna do much.


Oh come on!


It's about time.


Cut that shit out.


TAKE A COLD SHOWER


That's right, bitch. That's right.


How old are you, like, ten?



YOU'RE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.


...................

*click*


Oh god another one.


No--


Okay fine. Just let me kick your booty.


HAH!



Oh.


You brought this upon yourself.



And now for a slow, painful death...


No. Also you only have one Pokemon.


...god I hate this place.


The smell of festering garbage, the cheap hookers...


It makes me sick.


Gym's that way kiddo.


Well now this isn't good.


Hey! No new tricks.


Just let me quietly kill you.


Well not kill. Knock out. Whatever.


Easy as pie.


...pie I never got because I was poor as hell. Sigh.



.......
*crushes phone*


...huh


W-well I guess I look okay...


Axolovle come out from behind there, no need to be sh--


Oh goddammit.


You mean just the one? That I got just now?


Someone's a little insecure.


Thpppppppttttbbbtptthhhppptttbbb


HEY!


I think I liked that Vulpix better.


Dammit!


Ffffffinally.


Eh sure why not.


We are now a walking pesticide!



Yeah I wasn't gonna let Wikileek stay in with its lowered accuracy.


Oh fuck.



OKAY FINE.


VENGEANCE SHALL BE OURS


Silly mouse ball.



HOW DID YOU
HOW DID
WHAT!?

I CRUSHED MY PHONE






Oh, come on. Just let me win without a status problem for once.


TAKE THIS FOUL MOUSE!


Heh.


...no, noooooo, nooooooooo


Diediediedie



YOU ARE DOOMED
DOOOOOOOMED


No matter. This battle is already won.


See? Easy.


Yessssss.


DATE ME INSTEAD.

No, I'm just kidding.

Lyra, Lyra is this still a thing. Please tell me it is.

I was just thinking about this last night.

Lyra, at least get past Ecruteak. Maybe get to Olivine. Then you can say you got the farthest.