AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Oooh, this'll be interesting. I've never played or even seen this Final Fantasy.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING...
...entirely related:


2:
TEMPLE OF FIENDS "SAVE THE PRINCESS"


And so now we have returned to continue the adventures of Loor, Aron, Maea and Gary.
TO THE NORTHWEST!!!

Hey, whoever kidnapped little miss princess really needs to do a remodel. That place must be drafty like no other. I mean, look at it. it's missing the roof!


Whoa, music change. This must be the right place. Yuck. it's so grey. Well, the boss doors are right in front of me. Where do I go?


Oh, hey! It's boss dude. Wait, did you just say your name was Garland?
You're going to knock me down? Ooooooh. I'm soo scared! C'mon, what are we, in kindergarten?
Wow. That was easy. seven hits at lv3, guys. That's all it took.

Wait, why is he so much taller than me?



Okay, she just magically transported us back to the castle. And she couldn't do that before...Why?



You brought your kingdom out of isolation (which could help or daisies your kingdom) just because I rescued your daughter from a few blocks up the way, from a ridiculously weak jackass? C'mon. Your own knights coulda' taken him. At least the one at the southwest tower could have. Yeah. THAT makes sense.



So, what's my prize, princess? Gold? Jewels? Your hand in marriage? Oh joy. Zelda the Second has given me an ancient miniguitar that's probably horribly out of tune. What am I gonna do with it, deafen my enemies with my warrior-like lack of musical talent? What? It'll come in handy, you say? My foreshadow senses are tingling.


AhHA! Upon wandering around, I meet a monk who tells me a little about this stupid, beat-to-crap lute. Why is this castle such a maze, and why is everyone blonde? What's this? Key to some more treasure? Looks like I'm off to Elfland!



Ah, some lovely credits.

"And so, their journey begins.
What awaits the Four, they do not know.
Each holding an ORB that 2000 years ago shined with beauty from within.
But now, only darkness.
Come! Start your journey.
Return the light of peace to our world!"

Breakin' the fourth wall, there, ain'tcha?

3:
MATOYA'S CAVE; PRAVOKA "SPELUNKING AND SAILING"


Hey, if I'mma get to Elfland, I'mma need me a boat. Where to look? Hey, this here cave seems pretty neat! It even has a music change and OOOOOH it's PURPLE! Apparently there's an old witch who lives here and has lost her seeing CRYSTAL. Protip: CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR IMPORTANT.
I actually almost don't want to leave this cave. I like the music here.
CAVE MUSIC



Oh, well would you look at this? A kingdom! Looks like it's called Pravoka. why is everyone here blue, and why does that guy have a mohawk in the middle ages of Europe? Oh well. Huh, why are people asking me for help...?


Oh, that's why. Argh, matey. "Surprised I am?" What, are you Yoda or something?



Dear God, these guys are pathetic. Imps (the weakest random enemies in the game) have more bite to them than these seasick pirates.




That's right, bitch. WHEEEE I get to go to Elfland to hunt down a treasure key! Wait, what's that about a sleeping prince? Sidequest powers GO!



Hey, this is a pretty nifty boat. Moves fast. Well would ya look at that? We're already here!
TO ELFLAND!!!

Elfland is a stupid name.

I know.
I'm not the one who came up with it, man. Blame creativity-less, middle-aged Japanese guys.

Who took all of their critter ideas from a D&D manual.

Edit: Forgot to quote. Durrr.