AWKWARD ZOMBIE

my....second to least favorite dlc

what honest hearts was the fucking best are you kidding me
fucking light shining in the darkness every goddamn day best pistol 2281

Even without the story and characters introduced, I love Honest Hearts just for the Old West setting.

And I'm not even really close to doing the DLC in particular, I just wanted to leave a reminder that A) I haven't forgotten this, B) I do plan on continuing in the near-future, and C) Honest Hearts will take place soon after I start again.

Also, I just wanted to make a cool thing, even if it took an hour because I don't know how to GIMP.

Hey hurry up with that update there, hoss.

Intermission: I'm On The Front Line, Don't Worry I'll Be Fine



Feels like I've been walking for months.

Where the hell am I? I don't recognize this place. Please don't tell me I'm lost.



Maybe these guys can give me some directions.



EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN, COULD YOU DIRECT ME TO CAESAR'S PALACE?



My trigger finger may have been a little overzealous with that question.



And predictably, instead of directions, they are shooting hot plasma at me.



Kids, plasma is incredibly dangerous. Make sure to get your parents' permission before playing with plasma.



This missile launcher isn't making a dent for some reason.



Maybe I'll be better off using... this thing?



I vaguely remember lifting this out of a pile of junk, let's try it out.



One armored asshole gibbed, one more to go.



Rule number one of combat: utilize cover. Rule number one-B: utilize enemy cover.



What a setup.



I have no time though.



I have to run into this town for some reason.



Canterbury Commons, yes that is the name of the place I just now recalled.

Now if only I could remember who the fuck these two are.



This motherfucker is striking all of the poses.



Imagine the stereotypical Saturday morning cartoon villain speech right here.



The fight is STATUS: JOINED. I elect to stay the fuck out of it.



Thankfully it doesn't last long. Ants, even mutated ones, cannot stand up to an armored artillery barrage.



Healthy dose of racism there? I'm not sure.



I thought they were funny as hell.



Yeah, yeah, what's up with the two weirdos?



Well look, if you want me to shoot them, just tell me so.



Heh, watch me gut this guy later on.



My gun is good at convincing people.





It's almost like you don't enjoy the violence.



Time to gather information from the unwashed.



I'm planning on shooting them, actually.



So what in the fuck is an AntAgonizer anyway?



I gathered as much from the display earlier.



Where can I find her?



And you didn't think to check or maybe guard that part of town? Fuckin' A.

What about the Mechanist?



Wait, you know this dingbat?



I suppose I can't shoot this one, then.



Shit, if I found a hot crazy lady just itching to be my nemesis, I'd probably get a little tangled up in that too. If you know what I mean.

I mean sex.



I'm guessing the robot facility just south of town will be a good place to look for the Mechanist.



Come in HQ, this is Egret Spectre calling in. I have entered the foyer, there appear to be no robots at this time.



HQ, mission update, I am currently pissing myself, over.



Digest and process my shit, ROBOT.



I'm gonna be high as a kite soon.



Bring it, fucker.



OW, ow, okay feel free to stop bringing it.



Alright, this must be where the Mechanist is hiding.



Holy SHIT you look fucking weird up close.

And dude, your defenses consist currently of several piles of smoking wreckage.



Calm your mechanical tits, I'm here to talk you and the Ant lady into doing your thing somewhere other than Canterbury.







Holy shit I think this is turning me on.

No, seriously, you're a dumbass and your little show with the ant farmer is scaring people. You're gonna hurt someone.





This has gone straight from ridiculous to fucking meta-ridiculous.



I don't fucking care.



Oh sweet, I get a suit of armor. Wait, is this made of kitchenware?



Oh jeez hey, you're a... person. I mean, I guess I knew that but it's weird seeing it?

Whatever.



Alright technically I'm finished with this job, but I kind of want to talk to the crazy lady.



Maybe I can get some ants in my pants.



First, though, I'm going to have to blast some of the more literal ants in the face with bullets.



I think I picked this shotgun off of a dirty drifter. Or a five-legged deathclaw. Memory's a bit fuzzy.



Is that... a tripwire?



Attached to a shotgun.



WE WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN.



Something something about going down a rabbit hole that's actually full of ants and not rabbits.



Darker and creepier and, curiously enough, no ants yet.



There are traps, though.



What's this now.



Bingo.



And there's the ants.



FINALLY, AAAAAAAAUUHUHGHGUGH THAT WAS SO SATISFYING.



Okay, that may have been an overreaction.



After a few more bullet-ridden ants, here we are.



Babydoll got her own throne and everything.



So hey I need to ask you to stop harassing the people of Canterbury Tales.



I... wait, what?





Hold on, the dumbass skipped town. He gave up, he's not dead. He's just gone.





Allow me? Maybe we're not clear here but chances are good that I'm higher on the food chain than a bunch of fucking insects.





BETRAYED!



Wow, that armor didn't do shit to help you.

Alas, we could have been fuckbuddies.



Oh right, I've still gotta clean up your "royal guard."



It seems to me that a scattergun makes a useful crowd-control weapon. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled upon this discovery.



I'm like fucking Sun Tzu, in a way. If I knew who the fuck Sun Tzu was.



Now that the mess has been made, it's time to pull out.



This looks like a proper spot for a villain to squint, drum his fingers, and plot to take over the world.

Or the town. Baby steps.



Hey, I did the thing.



Geoffrey Chaucer will be glad to hear.



Who needs cheddar when I've got some sweet new costumes?



Well, a sweet new costume. This one is kind of lame.



This one, on the other hand, is fucking awesome.



Now let me just put my real clothes ba-

Wait.



WHO THE FUCK IS THAT.

HOW AM I LOOKING AT MYSELF BUT IT'S NOT ME BUT WHAT.



Oh, WOW. What a weird dream. You alright boy?

I wonder if dogs have such weird dreams.



And you, baby? You awake?



Everything's looking shiny, guys.



Let's go see Caesar.

Hey, look, the last update of the year probably! I can't wait to see you kick Caesar's butt.
...That's what was happening, right?

I think she was just metaphysically preparing herself for how do deal with ceasar.

The Ides of March is tomorrow.

heh

Why would you do this thing.