AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Life support?


Apparently, Goofy is comatose in the back room.

Man, I take Gummi Ship design way too seriously.

This seems much more practical.

Sure make it easier to fullfill the insatiable demands of Jiminy and his accursed journal.

This

I always cram my Gummi Ships with weapons. Who needs life or mobility when you can eliminate anything that gets in your way?

Is that supposed to be a chipmunk?
Is that supposed to be Sora?
Is that supposed to be Donald?

HEY
Donald looks awesome

(and very rustled)

Is this supposed to be critique?

Sora's head breaking panel is too distracting/awkward/big.

The gunship itself is the focus of the joke so could've been bigger - and less masked by explosions.

The joke might've benefited from being written a different way, for example:
_____

Panel A:
Sora and Don are looking at the new ship on ground/in spaceport/as a schematic.
Sora: What d'ya think of the new improved Gummi Ship Don?
Don: WTF? It's all guns!

Panel B:
Don looking worried/pulling feathers out of his head.
Don: Don't tell me you haven't upgraded the things we really need - life support, propulsion...

Panel C:
Goof looking worried.
Goof: ...and shields, and...

Panel D:
Close up of Sora - fist clenched - face uplit (Don and Goof behind Sora - taken aback by his personality shift.
Sora: Quiet you!
Sora: WITH THIS GUMMI SHIP WE CANNOT LOSE!

Panel E:
Shot inside the Gummi cockpit - Sora at controls (possibly crying) - explosions going off - Don/Goof sit either side - looking unimpressed.
Panel-in-panel E (top left):
Chip and Dale in engine room - explosions going off around them.
Sound Effect: AROOGA! AROOGA!
Chip (p-i-p): We've got shipwide system failure - if we'd had better shields we might've survived that last blow.
Dale (p-i-p): WHO DESIGNED THIS SHIP ANYWAY?
Sora (main panel): My beautiful ship....

Panel F (if required):
Make with the crashing and burning.
_____

The joke is the ship's failure - not the ship itself. It doesn't hurt to explain the ship earlier on and build up to that.

Now that, was a critique.

The ps2 doesn't have an A button.

Game Boy,

but daisies is 7:39 in the morning and a comic is up... DO YOU HAVE SCHOOL

didn't have gummi ship sequences IIRC.
But this comic is so daisies perfect already. I laughed way too hard when I recalled my own gummi ship. It was basically a cube with wings on the sides, cockpit on the top, an engine on the back, and a HUGE f-ing array of guns on the front and bottom. The maneuvering was really slow, but daisies, it worked.

And this is why Katie writes the comic and you don't.
NOT. FUNNY. WHATSOEVER.

Also... I heart Merlin's sig. You simply must show me where you got that.

I didn't write it for you, my aim was to offer Katie an alternative approach to setting up the joke.

As a creative individual myself I find it helps to listen to other people's criticisms which help me see different approaches to a drawing/story/joke/whatever.

It's hard to stay 'on the right track' without other people's input. You appear to think that my criticism means I want to hurt Katie - when that isn't my intent at all.

Which brings me to the question, what constructive criticism did you bring?



Yeaaaahhhh.

Have what ?
But Katie's 38 ! She's too old for that ! Duh !

I would humbly argue that the joke is the ship itself. It is a ship made out of guns. That is the funny part!

I think this, from one of Yahtzee's informative essays, sums up a problem with scripts like those (the example being two similar Penny Arcade and CAD strips):

It's an argument I try to stick to, so there's a reason I set the strip up as I did.
Drawing the ship bigger and more in-focus would have been a good idea, though; I agree with that.


WELL.