Wait, things other than Metal Gear exist this month?
(don't worry, I'll avoid plot spoilers)
Summon De HorsePanel 1: Big Boss looks at his destination indicator. It's really far away.
Panel 2: Big Boss looks at his horse's indicator. It's also really far away, in some other direction.
Panel 3: Big Boss takes a big breath and holds his fingers in a 'C' shape in front of him, about to whistle.
Panel 4: D-Horse is already standing immediately adjacent when Boss whistles.
Portal ProblemsMiller: Boss, we just finished development on the new Wormhole Fulton system. It can pick up anything you want; soldiers, gun emplacements, even shipping containers.
Snake: Send me one, I'll try it out.
*two minutes later, Snake is sprawled on the ground in the Aperture Science lab, having fallen out of one of Chell's portals*
PropaganderpMiller: Boss, you can attach posters to your cardboard box to fool the enemy. They'll salute and continue walking past a saluting soldier, or you can lure them into CQC range with pinup models.
Snake: But then, what if I... hmmmm...
*cut to Snake hiding in a box that says "Vote Liberal!" (or something about politics/religion/abortion/feminism/something polarizing) and all the enemies are fighting each other*
Never Lived it DownOcelot: That's a Kurakul Sheep. Some are raised for their meat, but... keep your appetite in check.
*later* Ocelot: That's a Mountain Goat. Some are butchered for their meat, but don't you go eating one.
*later* Ocelot: That's a scorpion. I don't need to tell you not to eat that, do I?
Snake: That was ONE TIME!
Product DisplacementSnake: Kaz, I need an extraction for me and the horse, but I'm pinned down; I can't get to any of the Landing Zones. I'm going to use a fulton balloon.
Miller: Negative, Boss. You'll have to be more creative than that to avoid using your Apple Walkman.
*Snake ponders for a moment*
*Soon, Snake is riding through the sky on D-Horse, who is standing atop a tank, which is being carried by a fulton balloon. Snake is wearing shades and a Deal With It face*
(bonus points if the horse also has shades and a cigar*
Avoiding Detection*Snake is crawling around on the ground, when a guard notices him. Que exclamation point and "VWING!" sound*
*Snake tranqs him in the face, and he falls over, asleep*
*another guard notices the sleeping one; Snake tranqs him too*
*yet another guard notices that one*
*Eventually, Snake has followed a mile-long train of guards who noticed the last one suddenly fall asleep*
Be Cruel to be KindMiller: Boss, your new Bionic Hand upgrades will allow you to deliver a devastating punch if you press the CQC button while sprinting. It will knock out anything you hit.
Ocelot: Another thing, boss. An NGO is paying us to capture- alive- any local wildlife and extract them out of the combat zone. Obviously, no wild animal is going to let you just walk up and attach a fulton balloon to it, so you'll want to knock it out w-
*Snake haymaker's a sheep in the face*
Ocelot: ...With your tranquilzer gun. Or, that works too, I guess... Even if it's exactly what we're being paid to prevent...
Snake: *Heroism +30* *GMP +12000*
