AWKWARD ZOMBIE

ITT You talk about those times you are debating with someone, and then BOOM you floor them with an awesome comeback that you didnt think of an hour after the conversation, for once.

Mine:

My family was out on the deck, just having finished dinner. My little brother, bored, had already gone inside.

My older sister and I were debating gay marriage with our parents.

My sister and I were pro-gay marriage, my parents were against it. They have nothing wrong with gay people, they just dont want "the sanctity of marriage ruined".

You know you are wrong when my sister and I agree on something. We never agree on anything.

So my mom was saying what she always says when someone brings up the topic of gay marriage (and I mean always).

Mom: "I just dont want young kids asking each other "are you going to marry a boy or a girl when you grow up? I have no problem with gays, I just wish they could have something exactly like marriage, but just call it something else. Give it a different name."

Me: "So what youre saying is, separate, but equal?"

Mom: "Ye-"

She stopped right there.

My sister gave me a fist bump.

I felt awesome for the rest of the day.

THE JERK STORE CALLED

Most people wouldn't have gotten the seperate but equal reference. Be thankful your mom knows stuff.

Uhh comebacks? The only I think I have is for messing around with people in vidya gaems when their computer is lagging up the game, "1997 called, they want their toaster back."

ur a faget

ok in German class we needed to give a presentation on a german town, i did mine on Munich or something and as I was getting up this boy next to me was like "nice powerpoint george" (sarcastically - don't worry he's not a bully just an odd friend)

and i went "thanks, yours is really good - oh wait you don't have one" (he claims he 'forgot')

ok it doesn't seem like a great come back when it's typed out but it had the whole class laughing! and i don't want to say much more of my come backs because idk one was really harsh and i think i'd be judged by the forum if i said it

where does all that wit even come from omg

Daphne the Joy Stealer: Would you enjoy it if I pulled your hair? (Shes 50 but acts like shes 10)

Me: I would enjoy it about as much as a fox enjoys having his tail yanked.

Daphne: So does that mean I can pull it? Can I punch you?

Me: *stands there enjoying the thought of that* Yes. Yes you can punch me. As long as you can deal with the consequences. *Actually gave that kind of smile to her*

She left me be the rest of the day. Felt good.

Phone into work to tell my boss I think I'm not well enough to work because of x, y and z reasons.

(The place I work thinks unless you have a limb hanging off by a thread you shouldn't take time off.)

So my boss says (in a fairly rude, insulting tone): "What are you? A doctor?"

I say (in a perfectly polite retort): "No; Are you?"


Actual conversation.

WELL I HAD SEX
WITH YOUR WIFE

L'esprit de l'escalier...before the stairs. The spirit of the hallway? Le Great Handsome Oppressor, can I get a translation?

For "l'esprit de l'escalier"? The Spirit of the Stairway.

When snarky teenagers say, "I don't have to listen to you, you're not my mom!," I like to tell them, "Obviously you don't listen to her, either, if you left the house looking like that." My younger cousin in particular, who likes to think he's really cool and edgy.

that's no wife

that's a space station

silicon valley nawmsayn ehehehehe

I grabbed my crotch during an argument once. Fun times.