AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Recall rememberable remnants from recent times. Regale us and recount tales regarding regular fff- I can't keep this alliteration up.
Post yo funny stories here y'all
In elementary school my class had to do a report on an influential person. One classmate dressed up as the person she was doing a report on, that person being Adolph Hitler. It was a rather detailed costume as well, complete with a mustache drawn on in marker.

There was a festival going on, so two friends and I decided to go. They pick me up, and we leave. They had decided to dress like the biggest douchebags they could. But anyways, we were driving along; it was a van, so it was the two of them in the front and me in the back, in between both seats, talking with them. As we drive near a bus stop, the passenger-side friend says 'Hey, look! Girls!' and indeed, there were some pretty hot girls at the bus stop there. So as all three(!) of us were looking, the same friend looked forward and shouted HOLY SHIT at the top of his lungs. Looking forward, it was a red light with a few people already stopped in our lane, however, the driver friend was still going at 60 MPH.

The driver friend freaks out and immediately slams on the breaks, while the passenger friend and I brace for impact. We stop about a foot short of the car in front of us. As we're all silent, just trying to take it all in, the diver friend stops and looks at my passenger friend. He then says 'NO don't look at them, don't look at them!'

I went to McDombels alone once to order dinner for me and roomie, and of course this didn't turn out so well. The guy taking my order was visibly new, and he got one thing wrong because he missunderstood me. When I realised it (when he put the wrong burger in the bag), I told him, and then half the employees were running crazy because they were looking for a supervisor to redo my order, and whenever they did, they had troubles calculating the difference in my change, so our meal got cold in the meantime from all this waiting.

This is why I don't order stuff because it never goes well.

:I

I'm out.

Will post stories later when I can properly articulate them.

Sure thing grandpa

You youngin's don't appreciate anything. Back in my day, I had to ask my mom to take me places so I could do things. And we'd have to get on the highway a full mile and a half away from our home. In harsh sunlight!

Nothing you've done can compare to the things I've done, sonny.

I usually spend the summer at my grandparent's house with my mom, dad, and sister. I got a summer job one year and I was working late one night. When I got home, I found that everyone else in the house was asleep. My sister and I shared a guest room, and not wanting to wake her up, I felt my way around the room until I found Grandma's futon, and just plopped down onto it. On my way down, I hit my head on one of its wooden armrests. I had to go to Urgent Care at the nearest hospital, half an hour away, to get three stitches next to my left eyebrow.

Until a few years ago it was common for me to spend a few weeks of every summer with my aunt in Colorado for reasons I can't fathom. She's not only a militant bigot, she's a seriously filthy person. To name just a few things, she lets her kids go to the bathroom in the back yard, only lets her family flush the toilets once or twice a day because they spend almost all of their water ration on watering their huge lawn, leave used pads in their rooms without throwing them away, leaves food out to rot on the counter (except milk; if their milk is anything less than ice cold, my uncle throws an enormous slamming fit all over the house), and so on. Their entire house is full of discarded food and food trash, plus literal layers of soil from shoes. They hadn't done laundry in years when I last visited; they bodaciously had a 7x11 room packed floor-to-ceiling almost entirely full of dirty clothes because they would often just buy new clothes to replace the old. Also, my aunt and her family are pretty well-to-do middle class folks.

Anyway, one year she basically made me clean my male cousin's room for them. Among other things I found rotting plates of eggs and sausage from breakfasts he never took back upstairs, clothes from years ago, broken toys and electronics, and etc. It took me two days of solid, gruntin'-heavy work to clean, and when I was done, my aunt "paid" me by getting me a $35 catholic schoolgirl skirt that was too small for me anyway. Talk about competitive wages.

EDIT: I forgot to add, my cousin's room was a huge basement deal painted with custom-mixed paint from the Disney Imagineers. Also (this being slightly before flatscreens were the norm instead of a pricey luxury) my cousin had a thinner model of old TV that was just gigantic. Biggest screen I'd ever seen except for the like, 5x3 foot flatscreen in their livingroom.

Most of these suck.

syobon for best contributer 10/10 would read again

you could have just not posted, syo

theres a difference between voicing an opinion and just shitting on things unprovoked

Nobody wants negativity. If all you can contribute is "lol this is lame", then shut up and move on. Opinions are nice when they serve a purpose besides putting others down.

Let's move on from this.

This one time, I went on the computer. I went on forums. Crazy, right?

My Forensic Biology professor brought in a fairly fresh human brain to show us one day in class.
PROF: "You have no idea what I had to go through to get this."
ME: "The skull?"