AWKWARD ZOMBIE

This is where you stick all your nightmare stories about jobs. Or just the regular bitching about asshat customers. Or maybe your paper route took a turn on the fucked up side of life.

Was there a thread like this? Swore there was.

Anyway, I have the kind of job where people complain to you but you can only do so much to help them.

I work as a lifeguard, so people try to be my friend when they break a rule.
"Hey man, can you just let it slide? Pleeeeeeaaasse"

Like I could even do that.

I work at a toy store and one time a woman asked me to try out a hula hoop for her.

I eventually had to do it. Needless to say it didn't work on me because it was a small one for little kids so yeah.

Pfftahah. I'm not going to bother copypasting. I'll eventually share another story here.
Maybe the events of tomorrow's work.

I'm not entirely sure why some customers think retail means, "Dance for our amusement monkey."

Because someone had the bright idea to say aloud the words "the customer is always right", so some of them try to take advantage of that.

I was working in a restaurant kitchen once, originally applied as dishwasher, but suddenly I had to do a weekly cleanup every tuesday.

Well, one day health office payed a visit, and a couple days later on tuesday my boss spanked everyone to clean even faster and more thoroughly than usual.
Okay so, I was the one who cleaned the fridge, and another fridge like thing which was pretty much just for temporary storage for one or maybe two days. So, this temporary fridge thing, took everything out to clean it properly, and this time I was also cleaning a part which usually didn't really need cleaning. When I pressed the sponge against the lower parts, I noticed that there was something squishing out. I took a knife and poked around to fish it out of the corner.

Oh god
Oh god it was so horrible
I wanted to start puking and never stop
It was a slice of meat or fish or whatever, but it was all PANK with blue and green bruises and really slimey and just ew ew ew

Everyone I told the story, I always say that I found an alien fetus in the fridge.
Also, I got fired that day. Friends say that it was because I knew too much.

I work at an animal shelter










That should be all you need to know.


You guys have heard me bitch about that one coworker that was stealing food, cheddar and supplies from us, lying to everyone, was rude to potential adopters, let cats that were sick with potentially epidemic-causing diseases mingle with othe cats (causing, SURPRISE! and epidemic of a pretty nasty parasite that we're now having to spend thousands on treatment for the entire cat department,) and basically just was very irresponsible and did not give a shit what anyone's opinions were. She never called any of the cats by the names other employees gave them (causing a huge confusion now as we're going through the books now that we have them,) brought them to the vets and did who knows what without telling anyone and kept all the paperwork so we still don't know what was done to some cats.

She would keep the cats at a controlled level of illness because she believed those cats were HERS and if they were sick they couldn't be adopted so nobody was taking her cats away. She had a small group of favourites that, when they got sick enough, she'd take them to her house and we'd never see them again. She has like 30 cats at her house that she's just taken from the shelter and kept. I've seen her adopt out one cat. And it got returned and I've not seen it since.

This cat actually was one I had wanted to foster. Apparently she (bitch woman) was planning on taking her because she was "getting sick and couldn't fight it off" which btw I'd never noticed the cat was sick nor did she seem to be getting worse until I mentioned I wanted to foster her. Ex-coworker then kind of quickly interviewed me, and when I told her I didn't feed my cats much canned food she flipped out and went on a 15-minute tyrade on how cats can't live without canned food because it's cruel and God didn't make them to eat kibble and how I was cheating my cats out of their proper nutrition. I tried to explain to her that 1. my cats don't even care for canned food at all and while they will eat it I don't give it to them daily or even weekly, and 2. I feed my cats a VERY high-quality food that's grain-free and has no fillers or additives in it. But no, I wasn't good enough to foster this cat. The next day the cat was gone and I didn't see her for 6 months until she randomly showed up at adoption day.

She would always ask me to cover days for her and then "forget" to pay me until I told the boss about it...she would call me and bitch me out because it "didn't even look like I'd been there" when she got there later and I finally just stopped doing it for her.

Oh god I don't know...she got fired and although she's mostly out of our hair and we're finally able to piece the place back together again, she's got many of our cats that we'll never see again and who knows what will happen to them, she's come in and stolen stuff from us since them so we had to change the locks, and now we suspect that, since she is not allowed to bring cats to the vet under the shelter's name, she is getting someone else to bring multple cats FOR her and rack up several hundred dollar vet bills that we did not approve.





Just.... ugh she's a crazy psycho cat lady and made life HELL for us. I can't tell you how many times I was almost in tears because I did not want to see what greeted me at work. It was that bad.

people who store personal information and pictures scattered around their work computer's local drive


drives me insane

I used to work at a Walmart Super Center as a cart pusher, which meant three entire parking lots where carts could go. It was already a horrible enough job what with constantly being outside in all weather, dealing the morons driving around, our cart machine breaking on a regular basis with management doing fuck-all about it, and of course enforcing the rules of the road. Pay attention to that last bit.

You may notice that when you go into a Walmart, the carts are on your side. Way in the back in a low entry point where we have to push the carts in while ducking because whoever designed it is a bastard. Anyway, if you go further back, which customers did aplenty even though there was always the risk of getting rammed by twenty or more carts coming, there's a fairly large open area with a fairly small opening to the parking lot. This is where we guide our massive chains of carts and it is painted red on the ground, which as any driver should know means "Emergency Parking Only."

Apparently "Emergency" vehicles apply to everyone on the fucking road from how many people park there. We have to shoo them away verbally or with threats to get the manager because they block that little entrance and we can't get the carts in. And when we can't get the carts in, we're blocking a large part of a single aisle because we can't move. But at least these fuckers don't actively drive into that little entrance and park.

Oh yes. The majority of the offenders were motorcycles, whose owners can't be assed to find a parking spot when clearly they should go into the area marked off-limits where our carts need to go. Some bicycles as well, but I just dragged those out and tossed them somewhere along the side. Motorcycles and cars, not so easy to do that.

The best, and by best I mean made me so goddamn furious, moment was when I found a motorcycle parked in that area. But this wasn't just any motorcycle. It had an Air Force sticker on it, and the ranking was E-9 (Chief Master Sergeant). So when I was bringing in carts, while trying to avoid the cycle which wasn't easy, its owner came back. I spoke to him and pointed out that he cannot park here because this is where we brought the carts here and if he could please use a parking spot.

He then proceeded to laugh and tell me he didn't give a shit and would park wherever he goddamn wanted to. It was at this point I noticed that the cart machine, an extremely heavy behemoth that could plow into a car and keep going, was pointed directly at his precious motorcycle. All I had to do was "accidentally" drop the remote and it would take out the obstruction with ease. I refrained of course, because I didn't want to let my anger get the better of me, but sometimes I wonder just how cathartic it would have been to smash it to pieces, playing dumb as I try "controlling" the machine (it goes forward and backwards on its own, turning has to be done manually) and drag that motorcycle every which way until nothing was left.

Hated that job so much. And those incidents are just the tip of the cartpusher nightmare iceberg.

wow so sorry for you guys, tatzel, shazza and madican especially


it seems that working on the service side makes the chances of you meeting jackasses like a hundred times more likely

i'm so glad i work in IT where people are nice because i have their stuff

My boss was a witch.
I remember when I cleaned the frying pans, and often she came into the kitchen when we were nearly finished and she fried herself eggs and bacon for breakfast. Which ment that I had to clean the frying pan and the stove again.

I also remember a time where one co-worker accidentally threw away a small piece from a cream machine, and we had to sift trough 3 garbage cans of food.

There was also a bad accident I had once. I was cleaning the fridge, took out the food first, and then the shelves; note that they were made out of glass. However, one of the shelves apparently had minor damage and water got in it, which caused it to shatter when I had it halfway out, which cut up my hands pretty badly. My co-workers were so friendly to say that they are going to clean up, while I had to report to my boss. The beareau was directly next to the kitchen, so I head there with the plastic bar which was left from the shelf in my hand. She was currently on the phone, and when she heard that someone came trough the door, and saw me standing there with the plastic bar, she was incredibly shocked, but then proceeded to reply to her conversation partner "No it's okay, one of my employers just did something stupid".
Well, I wanted to wait there until she finished her phone call, but since it took so long I decided to go back to the kitchen and wash my hands and help cleaning up the glass. After a while my boss came into the kitchen, ready to explode, going "Who did that?". Told her what happened, and even though it wasn't my fault, she continued to make a little pile of shit out of me.

Well, general treatment there just wasn't worth 98€ a month.

Sweet Jesus I hope that's either a typo or you only worked there 2 days a month.

PICKIN' UP DIRTY DIAPERS IN THE BABY AISLE

I host at a restaurant with an outside deck and a beer garden off to the side where people can drink and smoke without bothering customers. Good set-up, and most people appreciate it.
Most nights, though, there's this point in time where it seems everyone gets drunk enough to just kinda ignore the signs we put up and sit their asses down in the dining section and light up. Now at this point it's my job to go over to them and say something to the effect of "Excuse me sir/ma'am, but could you please smoke over there in the beer garden? This area is for dining, so I really can't have you smoking over here." Most people will just apologize and go right over there and bam ok they're fine. Other people have either had too much to drink, or are just naturally assholes.
This one time this big booty guy and his two friends were smoking right in front of where I stand and greet people and that want to eat and what not. This also happens to be the door where the waitstaff brings food out to the customers on large trays. They were completely in the way, and close enough to the dining section that I had to say something to them. I give my usual little speech, and they just kinda look at me and chuckle. They move like two feet closer to the beer garden and continue smoking. Now, at least, they're out of the way of the waitstaff, but they are now not only directly next to other diners, but they are throwing their butts into the plants, so that don't fly. I go over to them and tell them to once again bring it into the beer garden. I'm more stern now I'm not playin around. Now the guy gets rustled and he's like "Yeah, ok fuckface" and he takes another drag and throws his cigarette at me. Puts a burn on my favorite suit jacket. Now, not only am I rustled off, but I do not care about the status of my job enough to not give this guy the business. Soon as the guy turns to laugh with his friends about throwing a fucking lit cigarette at me, I punch him straight in the side of the head. I didn't punch him hard enough to knock him down, but he was a little drunk so he stumbled around for a while. Now his friends were helping him up and were about to come at me when one of the bouncers (who I'm pretty chill with, and who saw all this going down) comes in and gets in between and tells them to get their asses out. So they leave and management kinda never has to know about that incident.

I mean, I still have to deal with both drunken retards, and regular retards almost every night, but at least they're not as bad as those fuckin clowns.