AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Dazed, William fell to the ground. He fumbled for his sword, desperately trying to grab its hilt which, in his mind, was synonymous with any hope of survival. A foot landed on his grasping hand, crushing both it and his hopes.

"'Tis nothing personal, you understand," the mysterious assailant said, calmly, with a voice that seemed to more suit one who spends time wearing monocles in large houses rather than murdering people with twin rapiers, "It's merely business. Cliche', I know, but I simply want you to understand that I'm only about to plunge both my blades into your chest as an obligation to my current employer, not because I have any reason to dislike you. At least you can die with that knowledge, hm?"

Panicking, William violently flailed his right leg in what he believed to be the general direction his attacker. Rather than the than the satisfying impact of a successful kick, all William felt was a blade slicing a clean line across his upper leg.

"Now, now, enough of that. Try to die with some dignity, hm?"

William cringed with pain as he felt the blood ooze out of his leg. He no longer felt the will to resist. He slowly opened his eyes, awaiting the death the he was certain would follow.

But rather than the sight of a sword falling from above, he saw something much different, and far more strange. Slips of paper seemed to be fluttering in the breeze above him, each no bigger than the palm of his hand. They were close - nearly close enough for him to read the writing on them.

William had no way of knowing how those slips of paper would alter his fate. He had no clue how intricately woven they were with his destiny, nor of their otherworldly authors. He did not know that he would soon view them as both his greatest blessing and most terrible curse. He did not know that the papers would soon drag him into a journey and mission far greater than anything he had experienced before - a marvelous adventure of sorts.

Perhaps the most important aspect of these papers, however, is that you, the readers, are their authors. It will be your words that guide William along his path, your advice that saves him, your orders that control him, and your horrible attempts at humor that annoy him.

The papers were close enough to read now, and despite the danger he was in, William felt the urge to attempt to decipher them as they fluttered above his head.

What did the papers say?

''There is a projectile weapon next to you now.''

Jab him in the eye.

Screw dignity, throw dirt into his eyes and run away

Go for the classic
"What the hell is that thing?!"
then kick him in the nads with your stump. or leg, whichever one fits best.

"Say the magic words tropelet ot ytefas"

Zink this sounds awesome, But I have a feeling nobody is going to take it seriously.

"Now just who is that coming down the road?"

Nobody ever takes these things seriously but me. And Malum, apparently.

"Jump, Jerry Shaw."