AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Anyone?

I want to die after reading my recent posts.

Nah. My old posts are proof that I grew up and became a better person. I can be sorry for the bad things I've posted or done in the past but I'm not embarrassed to have been ignorant. Why should I feel guilty and chastise myself for things I don't do anymore? I have seven more years of experience over the me of 2009! That's more than a quarter of my current life. I know very little compared to what I will know in seven more years, as well.

So what if I made a bunch of bad posts because I was unaware of certain things and unskilled at socializing? I won't separate myself from who I was seven years ago. That's also part of me, it helps me grow up and learn still, and it keeps me humble and open-minded as well. If I didn't accept who I was, all I'd do is mock and shun people younger than me with similar behaviours to how I behaved back then, that haven't learned to do better yet. I'd hurt others and hurt myself if I did that.

And if the way I was before hurt some people, I can apologize a hundred times without being regretful, because I've learned from it and I've become a good person as a result.

The one thing I wish I could take back is my constant suggestions on a game's forum back in, like, 2007 or so. Otherwise, the only real difference between then and now is that I'm snarkier than before.

I have a rule, it states that in 2 years or less you will hate every single post you made in that time frame.

It has held true so far. At least for myself

One of my very first posts was a

just a

I really really do

But I also want to die before rereading my old posts so it might be two unrelared issues

i used to use the :U emote a lot and thats a clear sign of quality so im satisfied

also half my old posts are when i was actively moderating the forum when it was, well, active and i miss those days



i look back on the big red angry text sometimes and wistfully sigh

On second thought, it's not my old posts that bother me, but evidence of my old MMO and messenger chat habits.

Before I got into the habit of typing out laughter, I used to use "lol" a lot.
Like, a lot.
Over any little thing, "lol" was the response.
It got to such a point where I actually started saying "lowl" out loud in real life.

So, like, I had to just drop it all together.

And random chat faces. Someone dug up an old screenshot of me responding to an event with Q~Q and other cutesy horizontal chat faces.



I do not want to remember those habits.

(º^ º;;)

Mostly I just stare at the nonsense I've conjured before I even hit the submit button, try to decide if it even makes sense or could possibly be misinterpreted as having been written by a Nazi or something, then 90% of the time just delete the whole daisies thing and go cry in the shower.

i wasn't tooooo bad when i was younger. like it's cringeworthy now but everyone pretty much talked like i did in the 2000s. y'know, way too many emojis, etc. so it's not too bad because i can tell that i wasn't just......super obnoxious haha. i was actually pretty well respected on the couple of forums i was a member of when i was 12/13 so that's cool.

i do kinda cringe when i think about my opinions i had back then but i am the child of an incredibly religious family (and i mean back like 8+ generations,) who did a lot of repressing of my sexuality and gender identity until i became an adult and could actually sit down and deal with that shit without being terrified of being disowned for it. so y'know, i can't really blame myself. what's important is that i learned, haha.

Yes, trust me, I was a very weird little shit...5 years ago.

To the people of AZ, thank you for actually putting up with my bullshit and helping me stay on the internet in a more controlled, friendly environment, if I offended anyone on here with my past shenanigans, I hope you can forgive me.

same.

I want to die after reading any of my posts, not just the old ones. Although those ones definitely are worse.

Euugh, 16 year old me. barf

I propose we set fire to the forum and let a new forum rise from it's ashes.