AWKWARD ZOMBIE

You are the princess of a fine and noble kingdom. You are currently standing in your throne room, tapping your foot, clad in a sapphire-studded shoe, impatiently. Something very important is happening today, and you won't stand for being delayed. So you decide to sit down in your throne, resting your head against your fist, wrapped in a long, white glove. You are careful not to press your face against the ring you wear, which bears your royal insignia. Having a mark like that imprinted on your face for the rest of the day is the last thing you need right now. Ugh, WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG.

You look down at your shimmering blue gown. It's magnificent color soothes you, and staring at it starts to calm your nerves. At your neckline, your favorite pendant hangs just above your chest. It's your favorite, and you wear it almost every day. You start to relax.....but then you remember you're REALLY FREAKING IMPATIENT. You start to tap your fingers against the side of your throne, a hollow wooden sound emanating from it with each strike of your fingers. The weight of the golden crown you wear on your head, like a beacon of light on top of your raven black hair, bears down on you as a constant reminder of your annoyance at being delayed. OK, this is getting ridiculous. If you are delayed ONE MORE MINUTE, someone is getting a stern lecture, so help you, or your name isn't Princess.....

Umm.....

What was your name, again?

I haven't forgotten about Ace Attorney, but it needs some serious tweaking before I feel like it's ready to go, and I want to do this in the meantime.

Someone's going to say the obvious name.

princess buttfairy, ruler of all butts, and magistrate to all fairies that work exclusively with butts

Why..... Why would you even THINK that was your name?!?!?

If that kind of insolence came from anyone other than a voice in your head, there would be severe consequences!

Let's give this another shot.

princess buttfart

princest

Princess Ambrosia Nightshade Silvermist III Esquire

Her name shall be Princess Quest!
Though I'm partial to Marie, or Emilia.

You're starting to think your name should be Princess Bad Ideas.

You smack your fist against your forehead a few times to berate yourself. STUPID STUPID STUPID

The guards stationed in the throne room look at you with concern.



Oh, that's right!

Your name is Princess Emilia. But everyone calls you Princess Blue. And by everyone you mean only your friends are allowed to call you that. And by your friends you mean your only friend. You're aware that the Kingdom Daily newspaper refers to you in that way as a term of endearment, but you really don't care what a silly newspaper says(unless it mentions your approval ratings). You're also fairly certain the commoners call you that behind your back, but you don't really have any way of proving that, and you can't put EVERYONE in jail.

Anyway, it just so happens that today, the twenty-fourth of October, is NOT your birthday! Not even close! In fact your birthday isn't for another five months and twenty-three days! You suppose that's not really relevant, but you like to keep track of it. You sure do like birthdays, especially your own. You are absolutely certain to bake each and every one of your castle servants a cake for their birthday. Not only is it fun, but it keeps them from grumbling about silly things like "We want more suitable living quarters" and "How am I supposed to clean this entire wing by myself after Reginald got sick?". Incidentally, you've been getting reports of a wheat shortage in the kingdom, and you keep meaning to look into it, but then you get distracted by baking another cake for another person's birthday.

You are the second prettiest princess in the Four Kingdoms. Sigh.... Yes, SECOND prettiest, as much as you hate to admit it. At least according to the "public opinion polls". Something about how you don't have quite the ideal nose/chin width ratio. What a load of crock! You know the real reason you're not #1.

It's all because of the "prettiest princess in the Four Kingdoms"(oh gosh, you just gagged in your mouth a bit just THINKING that), Princess Green, also known as the REAL Princess Buttfairy. She obviously paid to have the poll give results in her favor. She gets EVERYTHING. All the most handsome men flock to her, leaving you with the second-best of the lot. Prince William was YOURS, dang it, YOU SAW HIM FIRST. She also has the biggest castle in the biggest kingdom smack dab in the middle of the continent. Stupid Verdenia is so stupidly big, you can't imagine anyone WANTING to live there. Well, guess what, Princess Buttfairy? YOUR beautiful kingdom of Azuria is on the east coast of the continent, and your castle overlooks the ocean, so SUCK ON THAT, GREEN. Geez, you hate her so much....

The third prettiest princess is actually the most bearable of the other three, Princess Red. Remember that friend you mentioned earlier? Yeah, that's her. The two of you bonded over your mutual distaste for Green, and you like to make frequent visits to her northern kingdom of Rossodin to gossip about how much Green sucks. You like Red enough that you don't even mention the fact that you're prettier than her, at least not to her face.

The fourth prettiest princess, Princess Yellow, is a complete nerdburglar. It's so obvious why she's not as pretty as the rest of you, I mean, have you SEEN those freckles? They're so obtrusive! Plus, who puts their dinky little kingdom in the middle of a desert in the west? And that name.... Gelbedia? Seriously? That's what she went with? Well, whatever suits her fancy, you guess. But to top it all off, she keeps sending invitations to you, Red, and Green, inviting you to all these ridiculous little parties she likes to throw. Yeah, right! You've got cakes to bake, sister! Also you wouldn't be caught dead at the same party as Green, whether Red was there too or not. At least this is something the three of you can agree on.

Aside from baking cakes, you like to write your own handcrafted Princess Fics. Your tales tell of the brave and beautiful and her daring deeds. She and her sidekick, the slightly less beautiful and brave Princess Ruby Fleetfoot Robinwing IV, constantly defeat the horrendously ugly and evil Princess Buttfairy, and always send her across the desert to spend the day cuddling with Princess Nerdburglar as punishment for her wicked acts. You're thinking about getting your handiwork published.

Thinking about birthday cake and your works of pure art certainly put you in a better mood. Plus your forehead has stopped hurting! You're in such a good mood that you.....just entirely forgot what you were doing beforehand.

What was the important thing you were supposed to be doing, again?

I dunno

fap?

The same thing we do every day pinkie

I believe we were waiting on a large pizza pie for the Azura household.

You were about to request for some marvelous peach yogurt, along with expensive tea, before plotting the downfall of your much-less-pretty enemies.

You were about to put down an uprising of peasants.

With a concert.

Umm









Ah, yes, you remember now! You requested an audience with the Captain of the Guard. You have something important to ask him. Except he isn't here. You check your pocket watch. He was supposed to be here ten minutes ago! Where in blazes could he be?!?

Meanwhile.....

A lone knight stands outside the doors to the throne room. The insignia on his breastplate indicates his position as a member of the Royal Guard of Azuria. His magnificently plumed helmet and his regal navy-blue cape reveal his rank of Captain. This fine gentleman seems to be waiting for something. But before we can get into that, we should probably figure out the fellow's name, don't you think?

So what'll it be?

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