AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Your on a hill and you have no clue how you got there. It's a clear blue spring sky, and a small rustic village is below you, the townspeople bustling, but you don't care. Your only concern is the fact you need to pee, badly. There is a tree behind you.

>South

You head to the tree, impulse tells you to unzip and let loose your stream of justice. However, your an AFGNCAAP, and though a technacallity, you pee through your fingers. As relief overtakes you, a trap door activates, and you fall...

Well...that fucking sucks...

Anyways, you land with a thud, and miraculously, your not dead, nor harmed, but it is dark. You wait around for some message, like some omniomitipant force is going to say "It is dark, you are likely to be eaten by a grue."

It never comes, and your getting only a smidge bored.

>Fap

It would be entertaining if not for the whole "you lack gentiles" thing. So you do it anyways, because you got nothing better to do.

Still bored, and still in the darkness.

>Achieve victory

what is victory in a cold damp cave?

Well, finding a light source.

You go deep into your pockets.

Inventory:
Keresone Lamp
Glowsitck
Toaster Oven
Match
Dynamite
Lighter
Seven kilos of weapons grade plutonium

Check skill panel.

it's void of anything interesting, like this darkness.

>Eaten by a Grue.

Game Over.

> Press Enter to start again.

God damnit.

hmm...

>put dynamite into toaster oven

>Consume plutonium.

>Fuck this, I'm off to play Pokemon.