AWKWARD ZOMBIE

It's when you are legally allowed to hold someone's hand.

thinking back now, i think like 3 people have asked me out in the past year and a half or so and i've rejected their advances? um wow, i don't think i have really high standards or anything, they've just been at bad times

hmm. it's kind of hard to get with somebody when everybody viable is taken or not into you like that.

Crisp I don't really wanna tell you your business, but Dave is kinda on this forum too, and these kinda posts might just be sorta awkward to publicly through out there?

.__. I was obviously making a joke, Vax.

Did you think to, like, call them back up after the bad times were over? Also I've always been a little confused on what a "bad time" is to start dating.

trade secret: out of the 3 "bad times" only 1 of them was a bad time to date tbh
the other two "bad times" were just excuses because i didn't want to date them

but it wasn't obvious at all

to say you're having troubles with your current boyfriend then joke about having a thing for another dude is still pretty awkward

Oh OK...though to be honest you didn't really have to lie about that on here. I'm not entirely sure any of us would get THAT offended at the fact that you've rejected people. What was it though, if you don't mind me asking? They ugly?



Ok, I've read both his comment, and the comments around his that sounded like they pertained to his comment, and I'm still confused as fuck as to where it was either supposed to be funny, or offensive. What am I missing?

Well, there we go.

The girl I mentioned in this post broke up with me some time around Tuesday night/Wednesday afternoon.
I'd invited her over for Wednesday and had been reminding her to ask her parents because she had she wanted to come over but didn't want to ask her parents because she's a really, really shy person and even just the questions her parents would ask ("What time do you need to be there," "when should we pick you up," etc.) intimidated her. Well it was 9:00 Tuesday night, and I figured it was her last chance to ask because you know, her parents would be asleep soon and she'd wake up too late to come over the next day otherwise?
Well it turns out that she was in a really poor mood that night, and my bugging her kind of tipped her over an edge?
She explained that talking to me wasn't fun anymore, that she felt she'd been neglecting her other friends for me, and that she wanted to step back back and just be friends.

So I slept terribly that night; all of my dreams were about her and I woke up at eight.
When I got on the computer we talked some more and I was of course upset, and I asked her if that was it, were we over? She said yeah, and because I'm an idiot I tried to talk her out of it. She got fed up, I apologized profusely, and I spent the rest of the day crying and talking to her cousin (who is great, I really didn't expect her to care enough to help me through all this) about it all. She's been advising me and I've been failing to follow her advice for the past few days.
Then one of my internet friends asked what was up, but did it in an anonymous tumblr message so I was kind of forced to make my answer public. I included a disclaimer for the girl, saying that I wasn't trying to make her feel bad for it all; the rest of the message was just explaining what had happened.

Today she contacted me saying she wasn't trying to avoid me (an impression I had gotten and mentioned in my response to the guy) and I tried to pick back up on the 'trying to change her mind' thing because, again, I'm an idiot.

It worked out terribly and I mostly just managed to piss her off, at which point I finally just gave up like I should have from the start. I warned her that I might not be able to deal with just being friends, but that I'd try?
Because honestly I'm just glad she doesn't hate me after all this, though if I'm being totally honest I still have a very faint hope in that it was mostly 'text-yorick' that she was fed up with so maybe when I (hopefully) see her on the Fourth of July she'll like me in-person?
But yeah the gist of it is that we broke up and thus ends my first serious foray into the dating world.

Don't feel too broken up about it. By which I mean... don't let it make you think you can't date anyone ever again or something? I think everyone, especially in their first few relationships, falls into the trap of trying to talk the other person out of a decision, and while the other person is reasonably upset by it, knowing that's not a good thing to do to somebody puts you many pegs above a lot of inconsiderate guys and gals out there. And if it's any consolation I'm sure it was hard for her, too. It's never easy to tell someone something like that, and it's never easy to accept it, either. But you've still got the chance to be friends, and you can work through the hurt and try again with someone new. I know it's a shitty, hackneyed saying, but there really are plenty of fish in the sea. It just might take time. And you can only stand to learn more as you go along, you know?

If you want my advice (and it's okay if you don't!) if something like that happens again, instead of trying to change her mind, just tell her how you feel, ask if there was anything you could have done to help work through something, and ask how she feels about it. As an example of one POV re:breakups, pretty much all of my relationships have been both long-term and emotionally damaging to me, and it was very hard for me to finally accept that the person I was dating each time didn't and wouldn't understand how they were hurting me and change. Even though it was for the good of both of us (and regardless, all I could do to prevent further damage to myself,) it was still always a frightening experience for me and I never liked doing it, especially because my goal was never to hurt them but rather to protect myself and give them a chance to find someone who would work better with them. Spoiler'd because sometimes my exes browse my online posts and I don't want to hurt their feelings or anything.

EDIT: When I say it's better to ask the other person how they feel and what you could have done, that's not to say that you necessarily did anything wrong. Sometimes it's the other person and sometimes there's just nothing anyone can do. It's less "things you can do to fix it" and more like, uh... making sure you have the whole story. But like I said, feel totally free to ignore the advice! That's a-okay.

How adamant she sounded the situation seems to me like there's been an issue she's been bottling up for a good long while that tuesday night finally spilled it over. My roommate kinda has the opposite problem of that (His girlfriend can, and will complain about any, and all of the things my roommate does that bugs her) and honestly I don't know which is the more ideal situation. My roommate is stressed as shit by his situation, but yours would send me in a fit of uncertainty, and a little bit of anger (I've been in situations where a perceived harmless act is actually pissing someone off, and they just explode out of nowhere.) over every little action I do. I was going to say that maybe it was just her mood that made her nitpick on a small "shortcoming" but it being nearly a week later makes me think that either that wasn't the case, or she's really stubborn. I'd tell you to just back off, but I'll admit that I would have problems with that myself. I'd have to hide my phone battery from myself, or force myself to delete her number to do so.

EDIT: Your ex's really browse your online posts? As in they're on this forum, or they stalk you on the internet? Also what's keeping them from just reading through the spoiler. If they REALLY want to know what you're saying, they'll read it.

She is actually a really stubborn person in general, which was another thing that sort of bothered me about the whole situation? She blamed it all on her mood the first night and the first half of the next day, and I wouldn't put it past her to at least unconsciously stick with her decision more because she made it than because she still feels it. But that's still trying to say how she feels, which I really shouldn't pretend to know if I'm saying something different than she's saying.
Whatever, I'll just tag along on Wednesday and see if it's any different in person but beyond that I've mostly given up.

Well, uh, it's less that exes are specifically looking for anything and more that if/when they google me they are acutely aware of any statements involving them in the same way your brain automatically singles out the word penis in a paragraph. It does a doubletake and sets off an alarm bell and then you're reading it and etc., so if I can minimize the chance of that happening I'd like to because it means I can avoid a very stressful fight/accusation being leveled at me.

Well if it makes you feel any better, if that really is the reality than I wouldn't feel too bad on it. Basing important decisions like that on a whim based on emotions, and then sticking with them when you're calm and rational because of stubbornness is just silly. I'm not saying she should've come crawling back to you, but in the very least reworded what she said in a more stable tone.

wry bread I acknowledge and agree with your post.

Well actually she did kind of realize she was a bit hasty with her decision? The day after, she sent this text:
The problem is that I received it a day late ((hence the events in this post)), by which point I'd already sort of cemented her position by logging on (she probably presumed that I had received the message) and acting as gloomy as I could about it and doing that stupid arguing thing.

So she had kind of recognized that her decision was hasty, but I sort of turned that against myself by seeming to mope in spite of it? I don't blame her for wanting to end it at this point, but it hurts to see how much of it seems to come down to miscommunication.

Ugh. I hope that seeing me in person as opposed to just reading lines of text changes something, but I'm not counting on it.