AWKWARD ZOMBIE

well uh
I am not very well-known on this forum most likely because lurking and the posts that I have made weren't exactly mind-blowing
So I guess I feel more comfortable venting here, because if you guys ignore it or don't care or call me whiny (which i guess this kind of is) I can be all "FINE NOT LIKE I KNEW ANY OF YOU ANYWAY"
ahem

sorry to take up forumspace, just scroll past it if you don't want to hear TYPICUL TEENAEG DRUMA

[spoiler](before posting I want to make clear that I do not think my problems are unique, but the few people who I've been able to tell this to have been all "i don't know what that's like but it can't be that bad right haha okay" so I don't know EXACTLY how common they are)

Before starting with the initial problem, I must explain that I have had a very sheltered life. I grew up naturally excelling at everything, so I've never had to study. I was pop flyin' for the most part, except having no friends, but tbh this didn't really bother me. I had one friend, two at one point actually, and that was okay. And then I found the internet, and I made a bunch of friends (including Lyra) on a website for Pokemon roleplaying (that I also found I didn't suck at), and I realized what I was missing out on, and from that moment on I came to terms with the fact that I missed out on an entire childhood and proceeded to be SUPER SENSITIVE to everything ever.

Coupled with this, I used to have this urge to grow up and make cheddar and get out of the house. (this started when I was 7, is this normal?) So I started dating...really early. I tried to do it in person, but even when asked out I said no out of worry that it would end and I would be hurt, but for some reason I was fine with this over the internet. (YES, I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE ME :C there's nothing especially wrong with it anyway) All of these ended because either "you are very whiny, oversensitive or something" or I ended it because "you're too insensitive". (Seriously.) I have dated...two boys over the internet, and my current boyfriend is my first IRL one.

I have this thing for nerds. ; _ ; (I KNOW ALL GIRLS SAY THAT because it is the cool thing to do, but seriously, he's so very engaging when he talks about hardware or Starcraft or Linux. No one can know this, shh) He's basically the school nerd, the nerd to end all nerds, the only reasons he's gotten detention were because he hacked the school system out of curiosity. So basically, I wouldn't call it first love, but...something happened that didn't happen before with anyone else, even crushes. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, THE CORE PROBLEM

He says some, very male things sometimes. You know, like whenever he asks about my feelings and I tell him he gets uncomfortable and he's all "why are you telling me this, it's upsetting me" and he's perfectly ok with telling me things he wouldn't tell anyone else, but he doesn't really like to listen. But you know, I deal with it, because besides that he's pretty amazing.

Thirteen days ago was the last time I saw him, because on the 11th to the 16th I was attending band/orchestra camp (SO THIS ONE TIME AT BAND- /shot). He's never been good at talking on the phone, he says, but he insisted on calling every day after 7 PM (after studies were done, we basically texted in secret all day besides that). He acts very sweet, but he has trouble verbalizing things, but you know, I try to ignore that and move on and hope he's doing what I think it means.

On the 15th, he boarded a plane to Russia, to stay there for 31 days. He said he couldn't call at the airport, because his parents would be there, and that he couldn't take his phone anyway because it wouldn't work in Russia. Which I thought was totally fine, but you know, still made me :C in the evening when I couldn't talk to him.

somewhere between the day before he left and the day he got there must have happened, because then we talked about two of our best friends (not mutually so) that we'd hooked up a week earlier, and the female one was over my house. He asked something personal about the relationship, and:

(note, this is basically copy-pasted, because maybe I said something that came out wrong I don't know, just edited out the names and the screennames. oh and it's four am because russia and timezones and year.)

speciaitesticies: Are you going to be telling hamid this o.o
speciaitesticies: stupid question, of course you are.*
speciaitesticies: >_>
speciaitesticies: its just eh, she says
speciaitesticies: (as far as she wants you to know)
firkin7: it's ironic that you ask me this
firkin7: and kind of disappointing.
firkin7: and kind of more disasppointing that you answered yourself
speciaitesticies: sorry.
firkin7: and kind of more disappointing that you did so incorrectly
firkin7: i wont if you don't want me to
firkin7: and don't say stupid insensitive things like that again
firkin7: por favor
speciaitesticies: ~_~
speciaitesticies: fine
firkin7: go on
speciaitesticies: nah, im done.
firkin7: see
firkin7: it's ironic
firkin7: because your a woman**
speciaitesticies: see, its ironic, because youre male, and telling me not to say stupid insensitive things.
speciaitesticies: ~_~
firkin7: Ok
firkin7: I'll tell you what hamid said
firkin7: actually, will you tell meilinda?
firkin7: nvm
firkin7: course you are
firkin7: Especially since you know me
firkin7: god that makes me rage
speciaitesticies: do you want me not to
speciaitesticies: fine, nevermind
firkin7: "course you are" -- It's almost as if you know me after 3 months.***
firkin7: God that makes me angry. ~_~
speciaitesticies: Oh.
speciaitesticies: Would you rather I not
speciaitesticies: (question mark) >_>****
firkin7: i recall the same thing happening already*****
firkin7: and I said the exact same thing
firkin7: and told you not to ask again
speciaitesticies: AUGH, OKAY. Fine. Nevermind. Sorry.
firkin7: because it's just an ignorant thing to say,
firkin7: i was randomly typing 534 there, ignore
firkin7: <_<
firkin7: I mean, you have no basis to be suspicious
firkin7: because I trust you
firkin7: but wtf, man
firkin7: Im going back to bed, (4am!)
firkin7: I'll talk to you later.
speciaitesticies: night, ♥
Him is offline

*I assume such because I've told him secret things before and he's told basically ALL HIS FRIENDS because he forgot it was a secret
**He says things like this all the time, not malicious
***Problem area: I don't understand this. Is he being sarcastic? Is it bad to know him? If anyone is still reading by this point, please explain this. T_T
****...My question mark key was broken. >_>;;
*****I don't remember this, which might be why I said it again.

So basically I've been more upset about this than I should be, because apparently he's still mad, and he's in Russia getting drunk with girls that're like four years older than him, and he's probably forgotten about it by now even though he claims that he "will not forget about it, because it really really really got me mad" (which makes me wtf, it wasn't even that bad, I don't get it.) Pretty much going back to antidepressants, eating moar comfort food, writing more terrible poetry, etc. (No joke, at LEAST 80% of my meals have been nachos...they don't even taste good anymore, it just makes me feel a little better.)

I don't understand why he's mad, and I don't have any way to apologize because he's always offline on Facebook and AIM because he's still angry at me, even though I have said sorry at least 20 times. I have expressed that I'm still a little confused as to why it makes him so angry, and that just makes him angrier because he said it felt like I wasn't paying attention to him (which isn't true, I pay a lot more attention to him than I should, >_>), and maybe if someone could just bring light to this because I honestly don't get it.

I'm sorry if this was a little long winded, I have a lot to say on the subject, and I feel better for typing it out. T_T hope you didn't waste too much time reading this.

PS; This is our first fight. If afterwards he doesn't admit it is the stupidest shit ever then I don't know if I can keep this up. ~_~[/spoiler]

/rant
PLEASE CONTINUE SCROLLING, SORRY FOR THE BLACK ; _ ;

You're 13, right?

Don't date. Everyone is too immature for a relationship at that age.

EDIT: OH LOOK
HAO2FORUMLOL

Either way, my point still stands. You're not mature enough for a relationship, and neither is he.

Don't grow up to fast.

As far as I can tell, that's a relationship which won't last.

Being able to talk things out is important, not just ignore the other until he/she feels really bad. That just makes things worse.

Also, dude sounds kinda like a dick, no offense.

Wait I don't get what you guys were arguing about in the first place


it's like something is missing in that explanation


Did you tell him about something or did he tell you..? I don't even know

My first thought. (Seriously "because you're a woman"?)

Honestly I was a bit confused by the conversation, but this kid sounds like an idiot. Granted, you're being incredibly mature about the whole thing, but that makes one of you.

Tell me, does he have a lot of friends outside of you?

He has plenty of "people to talk to" but he really only has like, as many friends as I do (not a lot, but he does have them)
He kind of is a dick, but for some reason this escalates with his mood/whoever's there/if there's anyone there
If this falls through, I'm not going to try anything again for a while, that's for sure.
(Sorry, I was confused too, I didn't really...get why he was mad in the first place, it took some thought to even get an outline)



I'm terrible at explaining things, apologies ;_;
He was asking an intimate detail of our two friends' relationship, (one of which was at my house at the time so I could get the answer). So I was asking if he'd keep it mum from her boyfriend if I told him, so he flipped out because I assumed such (I think?)

I don't get what else I can do but apologize and not do it again, seeing as how he's across the globe atm

what a dick

he has issues

Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong, far as I can tell.

I have a theory and it might be wrong.. It sounds to me like he may have had friends, but he's isolated himself from them so he could be more one-on-one with you. Aaand when that happened, he started getting possessive and cheauvanistic and extremely angry when you did anything he didn't like, even if it was something small and insignificant.

That close at all? And if it is, does he say he wants you and obsesses over you even though it seems like he's constantly mad at you? Like... there are good times. Wonderful, even, and they make you want to be able to be with him, but then something like this happens and you don't think you can.

Well it is wrong but that is because I said it wrong, D:

To be completely honest, he had...one friend, when I met him, and recently he got more. I like to flatter myself and say that I gave him the confidence to do so but probably not, as he would never act possessive because he really doesn't value me all that much (jokeflirts with other people [not necessarily girls, he doesn't...like to talk to girls]), gives people permission to pick on me (kind of my fault because i'm all "___, THEY'RE BEING MEAN, DO SOMETHING" and he goes "___, you have permission") etc.

Not saying the friends thing to be mean, it's true, ~_~;;

WHEN I SAY IT IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE DICKISH THINGS, there are pros but they don't sound as good as the cons I swear

oh look another rant i'm sorry

Maybe he's gay?

Alright, I'm glad I was wrong. But the fact that he doesn't value you is just as bad. Every person should have one who they value INFINITELY. If you feel unloved or unappreciated, you're not with the right person. (And sorry if I sound all starry-eyed, but I don't date to date, I only date if I think there's a chance it could last)

You need to let him know what he's doing wrong. You sound like you're letting him get away with too much, and you shouldn't be. And if he can't handle you telling him he has flaws that upset you, he's a wuss, and he shouldn't be dating anyone 'til he grows a pair.

He's a middle school boy

He's pre-programmed to be a douche