AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Hit the guard with your cane and scold him for being lazy.
Then go have a chat with that weirdo with his hat on backwards.

Criticize everything and everyone.

You swear, the lord who hired these guards must be the most incompetent fool. With a group of advisers sworn to only give the most foolish answers. And are fools themselves. You're not sure why you expected this guard's boots off, must have been your inner cynic talking.



"Good morning Joe."
"My name's Bill."
"Good morning Phil, do you have any tea and the news?
"Just got a hot sphere o' tea not an hour ago. Plus the paper comes up to one Goldy."



You pick up the paper and begin to criticize everything. How the crops are. How bad a lord is if he's dead. everything. What gets you most is that stupid dark elf on all the pages. He's going to be hung this afternoon, without trial. How stupid this system is to hang a man without due process. How stupid it is hang a man today when you're in town. Everything, no exceptions.

Find a way to become the new lord while scolding everybody.
Save the dark elf and make him the captin of the guard.

Stay in town for the hanging, then march on over to the person in charge and give them a piece of your mind.

It's time for the hanging. The elf is about to die.
Showtime.



Good evening Ladies, Gentlemen, and everything between. It has come to my attention that this town is being run like a high despot suffering from diarrhea. Also that this elf seems to be the only one who is actually doing anything at all. That is why I am going to be come your new lord and master, and this elf shall be captain of my guard.

Laugh maniacally.

Banish all mimes and people with spiky hair.

Organise the militia, Open a trading center(re), and adjust taxes for an even flow of profit.

Then arrange for shipments of arms and armor while setting the townspeople (according to skill) to work on improving the economy, military, and the town.

Also, a town mapand a world/region map would be nice.

Attack nearby villages.

Begin working to make this shitty town into a great one.

As a proper gentleman you should never let your mouth become bigger than your moustache. However, even you can't really help it as you try to stifle a laugh.






The former captain of the guard leads you to your new office. He's clearly unhappy about the situation, but everyone else is giving in to your authority so far.


He leaves, taking the dark elf with him to get outfitted, and leaving you to get all the paperwork you need filled out, plotting your schemes of what to do with the various townspeople. Pretty soon A boy by the name of Jasper brings you some maps


Here's the general layout of the town. Not the isn't terribly much here since the guild hall was abandoned.


This is a general region map. It also shows towns and your general relationship with them. Although it is a little slanted, as you don't hate Harrowing across the river, but they are the most disliked...beside Kvatch in the mountains. Hussberg is renown for their woods and you have a decent standing with them. Port Foial is practically an extension of this town. and that ring is... that ring is...


"Jeeves, what is that ring there?"
"A coffee stain, sir?"


"Oh, a coffee stain!"
"Y-yes, sir.
"I see..."





"Drink tea you bloody ruffian."

>Dark elf: ask about the kvatch mages' guild

>Dark Elf: Call in your men for inspection.