AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted, but they fire you for being incompetent.

I wish I could fly.

Granted. You are able to fly for a total of twenty seconds, which is just enough time to get a few thousand feet into the air.

I wish I could think of something.

Granted.

You think of something so horrible that it completely destroys your psyche, forcing you into a semi-comatose state, unable to answer questions with anything other that "yes" or "no".

Two beeps for yes, one for no.

I wish I could create luck.

Granted, you create bad luck, and a plethora of bad things immediately happen to you.

I wish I could fly for an indefinite amount of time.

Granted. You fly into space and suffer explosive decompression.

I wish I could fall asleep and wake up exactly when I want to.

Granted. You get the most beautiful and real dream. You are convinced it's reality and as such don't think about waking up. Your relatives think you're stuck in a coma and after a month they give permission to euthanise you.


I wish I had a shirt on.

Wow, that was good.

Granted. You are wearing a shirt that is capable of simultaneously offending every single person on Earth. Including yourself.

I wish Brink will be just as awesome as I hope it will be.

brink is as awesome as you hope it will be, but as you harbour enough doubt about it's awesomeness to make a wish, this colours the production, making brink an unpatchably ugly buggy mess.

i wish fall damage didn't apply to me.

Not Granted.

Fall damage applies to everyone, fool.

Someone's not playing by the rules.

Granted, but the only way to achieve this is with the fancy boots from Portal. You're now stuck in the Aperture Science Laboratories Enrichment Center for the rest of your life.

I wish I could be stuck in the Enrichment Center for the rest of my life.

granted, but as it's the arperture science lab, the rest of your life is about two minutes.

i wish those boots didn't look so lame.

Granted. They are the most kick-booty boots ever that everyone dies simultaneously because life isn't worth living after you lay eyes on them.
I wish I could wish for whatever I wanted and it wouldn't be corrupted.

Granted. But not this time.

I wish My Little Pony never existed.

Granted. The market is now open again to another cartoon that is essentialy the same thing however, just even more annoying.


I wish didn't just down a Redbull, I want sleep.

granted, your past has been altered so that you received a massive caffeine injection directly into your bloodstream. i'd say you probably have about 2 minutes to live.

i wish to spend my entire life in violation of murphy's law.