AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Shinsa slashes at the slime.

Roll: 17+8=25
Damage: 7+3=10

...zzz... snrk, mnah *blink* "Oh man, not again." I ready my crossbow and run in to join the fight but try and get my bearings first before firing at the nearest enemy who's trying to fight us.

The slime is split into two smaller slimes, each too small to continue splitting.
I believe at this point it was the guards' turn, or as it is now, guard's turn. He runs to the rat king and smacks it up for not getting to work and getting the intruders right in front of it. You can feel the disdain towards the elf, but it gets up and readies itself for its turn. And it takes its turn now in fact, after rolling his initiative. As Shinsa is busy with a slime, Semli is hidden too well, and Sugar Jr is an ally, that only leaves Krom.
(3 before bonuses) it whiffs.
Next up is Blanche, then Semli, then Krom, unless I got the order wrong.

"AAUUGH! Krom knee! Now Krom gonna have to be guard and... Oh, wait, Krom not hurt at all. BRING IT ON!!"

(Crap, I was planning to jell at Ayalea to bring my alchemy sprayer and other weapons for when she eventually joined the fray, but I guess she's out of the bushes now.)

I move to position myself directly behind Krom and I cast Bull's Strength (+4Strength for 4 minutes) on him. I make it look like a punch, unless that requires me to roll attack, in which case I cast it normally.

With a good enough bluff check, you manage to fool them into thinking it's an actual attack with Krom's muscles growing and flexing to deflect it, as far as they can tell. Butt yes, Krom does indeed get your spell.

Now, I didn't see your post there before I made mine, Quepp, so roll to hit the last elf guard (15), either slime (11), or the rat king (14) with your crossbow.

Well I was planning on hitting the Rat King but I rolled a 3. And since I have the Rapid Reload feat that I forgot I had I was planning on trying to hit him again. But alas I somehow managed to roll a 3 again. So apparently Ayalea wakes up from her sudden slumber, after the group charges the fort, tries to run in and help but only manages to wildly fling around a crossbow and hit nothing.


Why do my rolls suck so much? Am i cursed or something?

Krom should...Kill something. Is the rat king close? charge that.
Power attack 4
Roll: 16-4+2+11= 25
Damage: 6+1+7+4= 18

(Obviously Krom is a luck nexus and is sucking it out from all those around him.)

Funny thing about luck, my most common roll is a 1. So common in fact, that every couple of 1s I reroll because I shouldn't be getting that many 1s it is not natural.
Oh yeah and that rat king is still alive, even after Krom's attack.

Wonder what it's called when it's the GM's shitty luck and not your own getting the party killed by a pile of unmoving sand.

I call it "Par for the course". Alternative answers: "D&D in a nutshell", or simply "Hilarious". That last one is subjective, of course. And hey, at least you got out of that in the end, alive even! Also, I don't reroll 1s for my creatures, they don't get sympathy for abusive RNG. And it's not like all nat1s are pure evil, remember those nat1s from the survival checks on the way here that supposedly did nothing? Maybe you'll want to be free of it when it happens, maybe you'll find some way to abuse it. But that is for another time, it is Semli's action.

(Forgot to add the Bulls Strength modifier to the damage, if it makes a difference, Krom actually should have don 20 damage.)

The elf guard seems to be giving a lot of orders, so I'm going to see how well he gives orders after being sneak attacked.

11+9=20, 3+8+1=12 I've looked and honestly can't find where it says what kind of action is required to put on a ring, but if possible I want to put on the Ring of No Visibility after my shot. If not I'll attempt to hide normally.

Oh poo, and here I was hoping you guys would forget him long enough for me to have him tumble to the dropped horn and alert the other guards. But alas, he is out now, unable to act, unable to ruin your day.
As for the ring, I believe that would fit under move action, for withdrawing an item? The closest on the standard action would be "spell or spell-like ability", but putting on a ring in itself is not a spell even if it does cast on you. You can no longer see yourself, or in fact anything really.

Let's see, I didn't actually write down the turn order anywhere but I think at this point it was the guards' turn. They spend it bleeding out, dealing 1 damage to themselves. Next would be the slimes I think, both attempting to nibble at Shinsa's legs, or whatever slimes do. Only the second one hits, for 3 damage (2 slam 1 acid). It manages a 14 grapple roll on its improved grab, so as your turn begins, just throw in your counter-grapple roll to see if you do your turn grappling or not.
It is your turn Shinsa.

Oh, and Krom, you have a two-handed weapon, so shouldn't that be +3 for 21 damage? It's still alive either way, of course.

Counter-Grapple: 19+I dunno what modifiers

Shinsa stabs the impertinent slime.

Roll: 16+8=24
Damage: 7+3=10