AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I'm quite aware that when 1's get rolled, bad things happen. I just wanted to see if it was clear, when it matters more than a chuckle at someone's expense, that there was a difference between "I flubbed that so bad. This is gonna hurt..." and "Gimme a minute, I'm too busy trying out for Chaotic Stupid".

I did mean from where we were to the walls, yes. Can I tell how heavily the guards and sentries are armed/armored?

"Krom have plan. It called: Kill them all! We can go now."

"I think we should at least scout out the area a bit more, so that we know what we're getting in to."

"A fight! Even Krom know that." Krom said blankly.

The guards are wearing studded leather, the ones on the ground are wielding swords and shields, and the ones on the walls bows. The slime is unarmored, and has no arms.

Any of them evil? I'm always going to ask that.

"Much as I like the idea of rushing the place, if they can get the fortress doors closed then that'd keep us out. And unless Krom can chuck us over the walls, we'd be sitting ducks for the archers."

"You know, the place is made out of wood, and I do have a flamethrower..."

"Uh, let's leave that as the last resort. Fire would let us in, but it would also destroy everything else. Any documents, assets, etc. that could be used for expenses. Like rations, running a bit low on those."

Running low on rations, you say? Oh, I can't wait for the fun.
Anyway, yes, they're evil.

Is the gate currently open or closed?

The gate is currently closed. It is a large wooden double door, big enough for more than a cart. A metal portcullis hangs above.

"Krom not know what you talk about. Krom can share Ham-sandwich Krom found under rock yesterday."

"That's a squirrel and two pieces of wood."

"...Soooo...Krom not share?"

"Alright boys, I've concocted a rudimentary plan. We lure the guards out front to here in the bushes somehow, and then subdue them without the lookouts noticing. Some of us disguise themselves as the guards then, and subsequently try and get the lookouts to open the gate somehow."