AWKWARD ZOMBIE

uhh. i mean i guess we're not huge poritions of each other's lives but we talk a lot? we've done some past sharing, not a whole bunch. i know things about him and he knows things about me, but a lot of things just haven't been relevant? like we know personal things about each other but i mean, i'm not gonna put them here.

but we have lives outside of each other, if that's what you're getting at? we have our own things and we chat at night a lot.

sometimes talking to him makes me feel dizzy and hot

Whoa you get dizzy and hot talking to him? I hope you're drinking enough water!!

One thing I'm just a tad bit concerned with is how quick you are to say you love the guy. I mean sure, you've known him maybe a good, uh, 7 or so months?? The online relationships I've shared over the course of the same timeline, even though we were actively talking to one another, didn't really give a whole lot of insight to each other as a person in the end.

To say one loves another is very....it's very very big. It's a lot of trust, a rush of emotions that can be easily mistaken for something not quite as extreme, like infatuation. It's, well, not something you can really take lightly.

He sounds like he's a good guy with a lot going for him, but there's a... initial face people put on when you first meet them and it generally doesn't dissolve to expose the different facets of their being until after a while of getting to know them. Going through different situations in your life, whether the good times or the bad times, really helps to show more aspects of their character.

That said, besides the usual good attributes that are commonly attractive (funny, kind, nice, such and such), what has he done for you that makes you as emotionally attached as you are to him? What underlying parts of his character make him really stand out to you that further enhances that feeling of being in love?

Really, I've many a time thought I've been in love. When really, it sort of came down to an attraction to their supposed simplicity in their character. They're simply kind, simply funny, simply confident, no strings attach. They may have a difficult history but they came out on top with no deep-rooted emotional ticks that can damage the relationship or hurt me. They are unspoiled, not damaged goods.
Now, I may very well be projecting here so excuse me if I am. But does this maybe sound familiar?

Well actually I've known him last winter, not this most recent one. And, I mean, it very could just well be infatuation. But also I know he has bad habits and such and he's not flawless, he's done some things i disagree with. I really hope it is just infatuation. I don't know. He's been there for me when I needed it.

But whatever. I just want this to be over.

Though thank you for all your advice. I appreciate everyone who's tried to help.

I think you might just have to live with the feeling, crushes are normal and healthy I would say.

Sucks if it ain't reciprocated but being able to stay friends with someone who understands you is already a good thing.

I also agree with Yani; love is a strong word. Might hurt less in the future to use a little denial.

I'm not talking about denial as much as I am about practicality, logic and reason. Denial means you refuse to acknowledge the truth, which is the exact opposite of what I'm trying to get at.

I dunno. Distance, time zones, not knowing one another. These are practical problems with practical solutions. There's not really a practical solution for unrequited love.

'Stop loving them' doesn't really work as well as we'd like. Especially after you've already used the L-word.

Telling yourself you don't love someone is a sort of pre-emptive defence against those feelings.

Yes I understand. But methinks you might be missing what I'm trying to do, but it's subtle and hard to do right so I might have just failed at that.

I was trying to help him to started asking himself just how much he really feels about this person. With internet, it's very very difficult to properly gauge just how much you mean to someone.

This is hard to explain, so pardon me if I seem disconnected or all over the place.

Someone can use the word "love" to describe their feelings but that's not how they truly feel. I'm trying to help him pinpoint just exactly what makes this person so special or so different from others that made him fall for them. What is influencing his behavior and feelings? Is it a need to latch onto the first person that shows initial signs of being someone worth investing your time into? Is it possibly a deep-rooted, conditioned reaction to the situation?

Just ask yourself why. Why do you feel that way? Are you jumping onto those feelings without really thinking about them? Are you carefully asking yourself why you feel them?

The overall point to it is figuring out if he truly loved them in the first place. If he does and still does, then that's a different story.

I might have deviated too far from my point when asking questions and possibly confused bacon. If so, my apologies.

But if it's a matter of you truly loved this person and you're suffering the side effects of unrequited love, chin up. Really, that's the best I can say. Acknowledge your heartache, learn from it and move on. You can't let this bog down you.
Your feelings won't go away immediately, considering how strongly you felt for this person. But it'll pass. You'll find and meet new people and you'll be pop flyin' to see the both of you in a better place, even if it's not with one another the way you wanted it.

Heartache sucks and in the midst of it, you wonder "but I'll never find another like them! They were so special and I ruined any chance with them! How can I hope to ever find someone again after that!? How can I never have this pain again?!"
It. Will. Pass.
I still feel the pain of my mistakes with my first love. I deal with it though. I acknowledge it happened and I can't change the past, I learned from it and I move on. It's the best thing you can hope to do. You'll look back remembering it was painful at the time but one day, it won't be a constant presence in your life. It's only a faded part of your history.

my worry isn't so much "i will never love anyone again!!!" b/c i've loved and lost before and all that jazz. i mean uit's like. ugh i don't want to love him, i don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. iwant to be his friend and i want to be ok with being his friend, i don't want this stupid giddy feeling when i talk to him, or just. like i just want to be good friends.

also update: we talked more and i was honest and said i loved him instead of a crush (which he knew because i'm obvious about everytihing) and he loves me like a brother, and wants to protect me, which is infinitely painful and wonderful at the same time.

so that's a thing

So, I broke up with my first real girlfriend about a month ago. It was really the second time we broke up, because we did once before but we were both needy and sad and we got back together. The second time wasn't anywhere near as difficult, I hardly felt anything as I knew we we're breaking up at the end of the school year (she was moving across town.)

Anyway, this is the second summer in a row I'm working as a lifeguard. There's a lot of great people here, I made some good friends, but anyway there's this one girl we'll call "G." I've had a crush on G ever since I started working there, but I was dating the aforementioned ex at the time so I didn't flirt or anything like that.

This year, however, I've been "looking around" at some other people, but I still have that crush on G. I have a plan to ask her out, but I'm afraid it will be a bit cheesy. She's one of those girls who like to give out relationship advice, "if a girl likes you" kind of thing. So my plan is to go something like this.

"There's this girl that I like, she's [List of positive adjectives describing G, but phrased in a way that it seems like someone else]. I'm not sure if she likes me, but I want to ask her out to place X, do you think she'll say yes?" My goal is to make is pretty obvious that I'm talking about her, but in a sincere way.

I've tossed this idea around in my head a lot, the people I have talked to either love it or hate it. Time is ticking, since she's staying only staying where I live until the end of August before going across country for college. I'm not afraid of being rejected, I just want to know what would generally be better; a straight question or something "cute." And I know there's no formula to asking a girl out, and every situation is different, but speaking from experiences you had, which would generally be a better way to go on about this?

I'd normally suggest a straight up answer as who knows, doing the "cute" way is hard to calculate what will happen.

On one hand, she may find it cute and endearing. On another, she'll think you're teasing her or find it insulting in some manner. It's one thing to try it on someone you know well enough to know they'll take it in a joking manner. But this isn't a movie where everyone totally knows what everyone's intention is at a time when it's convenient.


You don't know her very well. Just be straight about it.

just ask her out. say hey, i like you, do you want to go out to a movie?

or something to that effect

It really just depends on how close she is to you and how comfortable you would feel doing it. Would you be able to do it confidently (but not in a douchebag sort of way), or would it just not feel right? Or, if it were to not go as planned, would you be able to turn around and say "Sorry, I was just trying to be clever, do you think you would still want to go out with me?"

If you're not sure, it's probably better to go the safe way and be straightforward.

Alright, thanks for the advice guys, 'ppreciate it.

Is there any way to approach someone who's broken up with you and ask for a second chance?

I'm reasonably certain she at least knows that I recognize and understand what I did wrong, and that I didn't before. (relevant because this lends credence to the hope that I won't do the same thing) I don't know if she trusts me actually act on that, or even should at this point, but I hope she might?

Or have I already blown my first and only chance with her?
I know it depends, ultimately, on the person, but is there some axiomatic convention forbidding what I'm hoping to do?

heh haven't posted here in a bit

Anyhoo bro, the first thing to remember is that the very act of breaking up with someone indicates that they might just want some space away from you for a bit. Emotional space, that is. Funnily enough she might want emotional space, but still be totally willing to be close in a worry-free friendly way. My suggestion to you, if you really care about her like, a great deal, is to just be friendly with her. Don't do anything to pressure her into wanting a relationship with you again because that's a bit overbearing. After a while, if things seem a bit more calmed down and normal between you and if you two get more comfortable with eachother, you could try to open the lines of communication when it comes to a relationship again.

Really though, I'd like you to think about how important this relationship is to you. Rejection can be a powerful thing, and a first romantic relationship can be really really exciting, but don't let that color your actual feelings too much. Do you really think this girl is so very important to you that you wish to pursue another relationship with her, or is this just you missing the feeling of being in the relationship, and not specifically her? I mean, you've referred to her as your "sorta-girlfriend" and stuff a lot of times, which makes me question just how seriously you took this relationship. It's really not a bad thing if this wasn't a hugely committed relationship to you. casual dating is not a shameful thing, and is perfectly healthy and acceptable. What isn't healthy is when you blow the whole thing way out of proportion during or after the fact. Rejection is hard, but it's not the end of the world, and there are plenty of people out there worth your time and consideration. If she's incredibly special to you, then maybe my advice will help you out, but if she's not really the end all be all person to you, there will always be others, and you might want to consider letting her go and moving on, while still remaining friends, if you wish. Either way, the most important part of any relationship is understanding. Understand where you're coming from, and understand where she's coming from, then respect those two sides equally.