AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Trying to talk to my best friend, who says we never talk enough.

I don't remember ever trying this hard just to talk to somebody.

I try to call upon everything I know she likes to talk about, and she responds every once in a while, but her replies are never more than a short sentence. I ask if she's busy, wondering if maybe that's why, and if I'm bothering her. She says no. The conversation dies.

I think of something new to talk about and send her a short message, only for MSN to tell me it didn't go through. I look at the top of the window.

She signed off without even saying good-bye.

I put "Oh, you've... gone offline... sorry..." I was purposefully trying to sound like a kicked puppy just so I could have anything. Any kind of conversation with her. Even if she yelled at me for purposefully trying to guilt her.

When she finally signs on again hours later, all she says is "Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot we were even talking."

"Oh, that's okay. I wasn't saying anything important anyways."

I leave the window open, waiting for any kind of response.

Ten minutes later she signs out again without ever responding, or even saying good-bye, again.

Bye...

Edit:

Star... That is sad...
Do you want someone to talk to?

Sure. Do I have you added on Skype?

I had a friend like that.

I eventually gave up.

I'LL TALK TO YOOOOU~ But it'll probably be about how much shit pisses me off.

Oh man I haven't used skype in a long while...
I will have to reload it.

It's okay, I usually just talk about random crap but I'm pop flyin' to listen to people bitch as long as it's within reason.


I have MSN. I just don't have any idea what your addie is, if you have it.

We could always just go on tinychat or something.

MAN. MY PARENTS FUCKING SUCK. HOW DARE THEY EXPECT ME TO NOT BE A LAZY PILE OF SHIT. THOSE SELFISH ASSHOLES.

Honestly, unless I was in a bad mood, I'd probably go a long with you complaining about that kind of thing.

Besides, it'd be unfair to judge when I am such a lazy prick myself.

No I have skype and I'm on. Pester away.

Star, I know exactly how that is.

Until a few days ago, I was dating a girl, madly in love with her, from the moment I met her. She used to be so full of passion. She used to be fun. She kept me on my toes, and made me actually THINK about the conversations we were having, instead of the mundane whatevers-on-the-top-of-your-head responses you normally use when you're talking to someone.

A month ago, she decided we had moved to quickly, and told me she was taking a step back. She told me not to facebattle her anymore, and that she wanted me to treat her like a friend instead of a girlfriend. This was extremely difficult for me, because when I would go to her house, we would watch TV or play video games or whatever we felt like, and the entire time, I'd massage her and facebattle her.. I was extremely affectionate because I WANTED to be, and she loved it. Until a month ago. All of a sudden I had to hold back. I hated it.

When she "stepped back", she told me she would treat me like a friend. Instead, she took a step back and turned around completely. She would invite me over to play video games, then completely ignore my presence. I would stay at her house for the night and she would force herself to be annoyed with everything I did. I still found her beautiful, and just wanted it to end so I could go back to being a boyfriend.

She began to anger at any slight thing I did that wasn't positive. I'd sleep in later than her, and she wouldn't talk to me for an hour. I'd take too long in the shower, and she'd angrily glance at me through the entirety of breakfast. I'd overcook our morning eggs and she'd passive-aggressively be "fine. It's fine." with it. Meanwhile, she'd get sick on a Sunday morning, and I'd spend the day doting on her, at her beck and call. Massaging her feet, filling her waterbottle, making her light meals every few hours, and in turn receive a "thanks" before bed.

I was leaving for work one morning before she woke up. I turned around, in her bedroom doorway and just watched her for a few moments, still asleep, as beautiful as she was when she'd gone to bed. She happened to wake up during those moments and she looked at me, and instead of being pop flyin' to see I hadn't left yet, or smiling at the fact that I had stopped on my out to simply look at her, she rolled over. "Creep." I left without saying a word. It was then that I realized how bad our relationship was.

I didn't want to break up with her. I wanted to fix us. But I wasn't enough of a "man" for her and she called it off a few days ago.

It took a month for me to realize it, but I was going through something very similar to what you're going through now, Star.

It sucks. I'm single now, and the weight of it is going to linger for weeks. I'm going to hate myself for letting it get that bad, but that's the cost. And while that doesn't exactly relate to you, I hope this does:

My advice is this. You have two paths to resolution here. The first is confrontation. Tell them, plainly, what they're doing, how you perceive it, and how it's affecting you. They have no right to be upset with your opinion, but chances are they will be. When they retaliate, back off. Let them know you simply wanted it out in the open. Let them simmer down, then confront them about it after.

The second option is to simply fade away from them. If you're giving yourself to this person and they, in turn, treat you like garbage, they're not worth your time or effort. It's not really a resolution, and you'll wonder about the person for awhile, but if you've been wronged and the person who wronged you isn't worth the time it takes to fight to resolve it, fading away is an option.

I apologize for the wall of text.
I hope it helps.

That's so sad. I'm sorry that had to happen to you. You seem like a very sweet person, even though I've only just "met" you.

They've basically set it up so that confronting them will only make whoever does it look like a bad person. They've set themself up to look like the victim. I dropped a subtle hint in the past and they pounced on me for it, and when I tried to bring it up again later, they did the same thing.

So, like you said, the only other option is gradually fading away from them and that's what I'm starting to do. If they actually make the effort to talk to me, then I might bring it up then, but I doubt they'll even do that. I don't remember a time they ever asked me to hang out - it was always me asking them.

It sounds like you just need more forward friends, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm not the best person to go to for advice on making NEW friends (I've known my best friend since third grade) but I can wish you the best of luck, however you choose to resolve this, and let you know that, even though you don't really know me, I've got your back. Even though we're not "friends" or even really "acquaintances", I care about you as much as a person can care for another person they've never met, and I want this to work out for you.

That goes for everyone who's posted on this thread with problems. I've got them, too, and I was miserable a day ago. But you welcomed me with open arms. Even Spoony said hi. And it's in no small part thanks to you guys, that I'm as well off as I am now. It might be pathetic to find solace in a group of people on the internet you've never met, and it might be creepy to say you care about them, but that's how I feel.

Late night posting, most likely going to regret this in the morning. I mean, even now I can tell this is incredibly whiny, stupid, narcissistic, and seems like a cry for attention.

I never even had a reason to doubt any of you, but I never really felt like I was accepted. I'm not a very good poster, and I rarely interact with you guys in any different way than the forum. But, hey, that's my fault right? I could have installed Skype, or go to more livestreams.
In 6 days it will be my first complete year here, and looking back, I've said some stupid, stupid things. Then again, most everyone here posted something they regretted, right? I just don't know why I would call out other members over something that happened months ago, or argue with proletariats about some stupid shit. Maybe it's real-life issues leaking onto my internet life, or I would get caught up in the moment and say something I might not have. If this sounds like I'm trying to excuse what I said, please, don't think of it like that. I guess I'm trying to give reason to why.
"I don't know" pops up in my head a lot while writing this, I don't know why I don't try to communicate more, I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know why I suddenly decided to type this out. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
This is the part where I start whining. I wouldn't say my post get Ignored, and I'm certainly not asking for more people to pay attention to my post. I just feel like I'm a hole in the wall. A background character who says something worthwhile every now & then, but ultimately goes unnoticed. I'm not going to Spoiler tag much of this post for that reason. I'm sure most of what I post isn't even worth responding too
I can see you rolling your eyes and muttering attention whore, and I feel very much like one typing this out at 1:00 in the morning. I don't know how this post can even help me, or whether anybody cares. Don't get me wrong, all of you are very sweet. I can tell that much looking through the last few pages of this thread. But those people had real problems, real things to get sad about, I'm trying to gain sympathy by feeling sad about an internet forum. I never posted personal information here, none of you know my name, the most I ever did was post myself maybe 500 pages ago in the pics thread. There's no reason for any of you to feel connected to me. Would you even want that? Who the hell am I?


You're probably asking what's the point of writing this is, and I've been trying to think of a reason while writing this. Ultimately the question is probably the stupidest one ever said on the internet, but I feel like I need to post it. I don't want to be like this next year (if there IS a next year), staring at a glowing plastic screen, trying to gather the courage to ask this same question. So please, Awkward Zombie forum community, answer me this question. Just, please, read the above first.

[spoiler]Do any of you even like me?[/spoiler]

I like you, Badfish. I recognize your username when you post. You've said some stupid stuff, but that's about all I remember of it. I don't hold it against you. You've made some funny, and just good posts in general, as well in your time here.

Easiest way to put this is: I do not hate you in the slightest, but then again I don't show much kindness towards you. You just kinda bobble around neutral territory.

But yeah I think you're cool, it would be a shame to lose you. I preffer the "post only now and then" routine that seems to have broken.