AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Feeling bad for your cab?

Holy fuck I hate 10 hour school days, kill me.

My older sister keeps doing heroin in the bathroom and it stinks and there are kids in the house and they really shouldn't be exposed to this shit. I'm likely going to call the police on her soon. Doubt they'll do much though. And if they don't then my sister, being the vengeful person that she is, will likely wait until I'm asleep and poke me with one of her needles and give me hep.

I hate my life.

I feel like I'll never find a job.
I finished college in 2014, it's been a year and a half and I still haven't gotten anything. Not even one face-to-face interview.
Even at christmas I gave out my CV and applied for christmas jobs, and still nothing, nobody even thought about hiring me for a week.
I spent 5 years at college, you would think when someone reads it they might think I'm determined considering I went through and finished 5 years of college.

But because I had to do IT courses in college I don't have all the experience I need and have to wait for IT apprenticeships because no straight up IT job would hire me. Even then I was only contacted back by 1 IT apprenticeship and lo and behold I didn't have the exact IT thing they needed. (They wanted someone with Javascript experience and I've only worked with Java.)

Sometimes I wish that charity I volunteered at was a full job, I was content there.

I can't drive so I need to rely on bus travel which restricts me from early start jobs when buses aren't about.
Because I use buses I can't get something too far, the last time I did some extra education at a far distance my supposed 1 hour travel was more like 2 hours thanks to traffic and buses not showing up on time. (I had FIVE buses show up at once. Like where the hell do all the cars between those buses go for them to be grouped up like that?)

I just really want something to start with and nobody is giving me a chance.

Hungry and exhausted 24/7

Have you tried talking to professors/classmates from college? Or maybe even some folks at the place you volunteered at? Networking is like 90% of finding a job, so I've heard. You might not get anything concrete but but you might at least get some ideas. Especially if you're cordial about it.

My brother and dad have asked people they know if there are any jobs available for me but nothing from them yet.

I'm not that social and I haven't kept up with anyone from college.
Being bullied throughout school did that to me. I used to talk to people in primary school, in middle I just walked around by myself and in high school I sat in the library every day, even then I was teased in class.
In college pretty much the only time I talked to people was when we were put in teams.

SPLINTER

UNDER FINGERNAIL

I sent a long email to this lady that my dad had been emailing about having me also apply to a similar program to the one I'd just finished applying to. With the same deadline, February 1st. I told her how it was a great opportunity but there wasn't enough time. I also have activities nearly every day until then, and I really doubt I could make anything good. Honestly the real reason I didn't apply wasn't that. I rush projects a lot. I didn't want to sound like an booty and ask for a recommendation letter 5 days before deadline. 3 of them. Even if they're just ones where they reprint and resend them to this one instead, I don't want to make a complete fool of myself for this. It would be inconsiderate. But I blamed the time problem for me.

She sent me one back about how she can see I'm not one to rush something and make it bad, but when you ignore an opportunity you close a door and the whole thing about that shit. After I'd just talked about how great it was but I don't have time. I would have applied if I had more time, but I learned maybe 2 days ago that my dad had been emailing with the director and wanted me to apply, and when I said I did not have time and wouldn't ask for the letters due to the limited time, he told me I had to be the one to send her an email explaining he committed me to something I'm not going to do. Really not sure why he's so suddenly interested with 5 days left.

I feel bad about not doing the whole thing, but the sudden lecture after I'd talked about regretting not being able to apply sours the whole deal. Wouldn't apply if I had a month now. If I get accepted into the other program it won't matter. If I don't, maybe this whole lesson will apply and I'll feel foolish, but for now I'm just annoyed.

I hate to break it to you, dude, but if you want to get any kind of job that requires anything more than a pulse (and sometimes even then), you need to build good communication skills in person. You need to be willing to take the initiative to contact people on your own, instead of hoping others will convince them to contact you. Why should they go out of their way to help you if you can't be bothered to seek them out yourself?

As a fellow introvert, I understand that it sucks to have to keep up with extroverts on the constant interaction front. But as someone with a sense of practicality and drive to get shit done, I set my first inclinations aside and treat meeting people/networking as an objective to be completed, not necessarily something I have to thoroughly enjoy. After a while, it gets to be easier to maintain contact with each individual.

I can meet and manage and converse with kids all damned day (part of why I'm going into elementary/middle education). Building new relationships with colleagues and potential supervisors is much more difficult for me to start off with, especially when you factor in the intimidation of "what if I'm not qualified to give them input?" So I get where you're coming from. But you kind of have to get over it so you can get shit done.

Also having someone else ask about jobs for you is way unprofessional. Not a good first impression to make if all the employer knows is "wow this guy's kid sent him to find a job for them instead of asking me on their own."

I personally am in a manager position atm and those first impressions really do leave an impression. When a parent comes in and says "Can I get an application? My son/daughter was looking for a job here." I think that either they're a weird naggy helicopter parent, or that the child is kinda lazy or uninterested. I generally give people the benefit of the doubt, but that can leave a bad first impression.

Oh, my parent's don't go looking for jobs for me, just their workmates and stuff keep their eyes out for any jobs I could apply to. Like my dad's workmate tells him Job C is available in Company A and I could try apply for it.
I do apply and go to interviews and stuff by myself.

My problem is whenever I do see something I like I never seem to get a reply.
And the few times I have, they never got back to me and it's been like this for over a year.

Welp, while I wasn't looking my grandparents threw away the plastic bags that still had the decals for my Gundam Mk II in them. Awesome.

My laptop screen has started getting little white horizontal lines across it and looks a bit more pixel-y (reminds me of whatever those monitors were called before LCD was a thing).

I've had them before, but usually I could just wiggle my screen around and they would go away, but now all that does is move the lines around, make the screen flicker, even freeze the screen. If I get it just right though, the only white line I get is right at the top and the pixel-ness is not too terrible. I'm guessing a wire somewhere is pinched, but I'd have to basically disassemble my laptop to find out and I really don't want to.

God I really hope this thing doesn't crap out before I can afford to build a PC I only need, like, 6 more months assuming I get hired. It really is a downer how I feel like I can't fix any of my old stuff right now (my car is getting really old too and I just haven't been able to get any non-essential repairs)

Political ads on YouTube. I use my tablet most of the time so Adblock isn't an option. YouTube has my viewing history on record so they can probably see that Im not the biggest fan of that. The guys spending cheddar to put their ads on YouTube are entitled to their opinion and all but it'd be nice if I could just tell YouTube "Hey, I like videogames, movies, and food, can I just see ads for that stuff?"