AWKWARD ZOMBIE

The other day I saw a house that was built mostly normally, but had a deck of cards.

I went into a Library/Hotel and asked if I could book a room.

A friend of mine owns a company that transports stuff by boat. His main customers are people who write erotic slash fiction. He's a leader in the shipping industry.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam..."
Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

I think the joke would have been funnier if you just ended it right there.

The establishment I frequent to get a few drinks is the best one out there, bar none.

Packaging companies gain superiority over one another in boxing matches.

Now those were just puny puns.

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in
his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says,
"I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and
it is served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with
the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plates like chrome for
the hollandaise."

They are pungent examples of punitive punchlines

You might call me a pundit

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

My main mode of transportation is driving over the median, but the police can be kind of mean when they catch me doing that.

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a
beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Apparently a form of vegetation has been discovered with features that appear to be eyes and noses and ears and whatnot. These features seem to be heavy however, as it commonly falls over under their weight.

I think they're planning to call it a face plant.

Oh, god. I lost. This is best.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses

This page could be considered cruel and unusual punishment

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.


Also, Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall

I heard Dexter Holland's kid is starting a band

Guess its name