Tabletop Tales: Bluffing Bears and Hilarious Hijinks

Kamak · **Posted:** Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:03 am

Quote:

[9:15:13 PM] enigma lad: Moth is giving him looks with a 20+1.
[9:15:23 PM] missy mope: (what kind of looks)
[9:15:40 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Moth raises her eyebrows repeatedly at Joshua.
[9:15:41 PM] enigma lad: [just..looks. dead looks.]
[9:15:54 PM] enigma lad: [IDE-or that.]
[9:15:58 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Joshua isn't sure what's going on.
[9:16:08 PM] enigma lad: Moth isn't quite sure what's going on either.
[9:16:18 PM] Luigi is Number 3: 'Moth can't stop doing the eyebrow thing.
[9:16:21 PM] Luigi is Number 3: it's stuck.

Quote:

[9:19:34 PM] enigma lad: [...fuuuck. Moth is still doing the eybrows with a 19+1]

Quote:

[9:22:39 PM] enigma lad: Moth is panicking. She can't stop moving her eyebrows.
[9:22:56 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Joshua tries to hold her eyebrows down.
[9:23:04 PM] Luigi is Number 3: but instead he's being jerked around by them/
[9:23:11 PM] Luigi is Number 3: going an inch off the ground.
[9:23:21 PM] hermit gal: [my fucking god i'm dead]
[9:23:37 PM] Luigi is Number 3: (bucking eyebrows, yeehaw)
[9:23:41 PM] enigma lad: "Dezzy! Dezzy help!"
[9:23:50 PM] Luigi is Number 3: (paralyze them)
[9:23:50 PM] missy mope: Dez stares at them. "What the hell?"
[9:24:14 PM] Luigi is Number 3: "MAKE IT STOP." Joshua yells.
[9:25:05 PM] missy mope: Dez tries to pull Joshua down from the waggling eyebrows with an 8.
[9:25:20 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Dez grabs onto Joshua's booty.
[9:25:30 PM] missy mope: Dez lets go.
[9:25:30 PM] Luigi is Number 3: and is being lifted with Joshua.
[9:25:37 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Dez can't let go.
[9:25:47 PM] missy mope: Dez tries to let go with a 14.
[9:25:49 PM] hermit gal: [my fucking god]
[9:26:02 PM] missy mope: (why is he stuck to the booty)
[9:26:05 PM] enigma lad: [guys Moth is gliitching.]
[9:26:06 PM] missy mope: (is the booty just that mighty)
[9:26:15 PM] smilebutt: (what is going on)
[9:26:17 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Dez is stuck, fear is overriding his desire to get off.
[9:26:21 PM] hermit gal: [moth is missingno]
[9:26:26 PM] enigma lad: Moth attempts to stop her eyebrows with an 11.
[9:26:27 PM] Luigi is Number 3: (plus it's a nice booty)
[9:26:44 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Moth's attempts make the eyebrows go faster.
[9:26:49 PM] missy mope: Dez tries to get off again with a 17.
[9:26:53 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Moth is now generating gusts of wind.
[9:27:00 PM] hermit gal: [is flannery staring, i'm imagining her staring]
[9:27:06 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Dez gets off, but the wind flings him away.
[9:27:25 PM] enigma lad: [only in a d20 system]
[9:27:35 PM] Luigi is Number 3: (I've gotten 3 20's already)
[9:27:40 PM] hermit gal: [dear god]
[9:28:13 PM] enigma lad: "Heeelp!" [3 for stoping.]
[9:28:17 PM] enigma lad: Moth is sobbing again.
[9:28:21 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Flannery pulls Joshua off of Moth.
[9:28:34 PM] Luigi is Number 3: She then picks up Moth by the waist and walks off.
[9:28:43 PM] missy mope: Dez gets back on his feet and stares at the others, then follows Flannery.
[9:28:47 PM] enigma lad: [im die]

ONLY IN TABLETOPS.

Riku · **Posted:** Fri Mar 01, 2013 10:42 pm

Oh god, we're in game right now. Sloth's gnome was tripping balls and went around screaming that he was the Firebird, and went down in glorious battle against a Kraken that was trying to eat a flower wagon, before they all got blown to smithereens.

Not Malum · **Posted:** Fri Mar 01, 2013 10:56 pm

You can pick 6 people to play any tabletop roleplaying game with you, who do you pick?
Pick a DM, and 5 players (besides you.)
No free-form as an excuse to talk to them.
Discworld GURPS game
DM: Terry Pratchett
Players:
Vin Diesel
Jackie Chan
Stephen King
Hidetaka Miyazaki (Dark Souls director)
Carl Sagan

Shining Charizard · **Posted:** Sat Mar 02, 2013 12:51 am

DM: Neil Gaiman

Players:
Liam Neeson
Ian McKellan
Morgan Freeman
Patrick Stewart
Liam O'Brien/Dan Green (tie here)

Every narration would be epic. Every single one.

Sloth · **Posted:** Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:33 pm

Malum wrote:

Players:
Vin Diesel

Now this would be great.

Riku · **Posted:** Sun Mar 03, 2013 12:06 am

Particularly because he would already know what he's doing.

Madican · **Joined:** Sun Feb 20, 2011 8:18 pm **Posts:** 13531

Today's adventure featured a temple sunken into the earth. We found the entrance, with long stone steps leading down into darkness and water trickling in. The wizard and paladin both move down the steps with long strides when the DM suddenly says "Roll for Acrobatics."

Oh yes. Turns out the steps were very slippery. Two failures later and we're both crashing several steps down and making a ton of ruckus with my full plate and the wizard being a Warforged. Taking damage too. The party learns that they should take it slow while we get to make saving throws against rolling down the stairs further. I fail and tumble further down. The wizard succeeds and levitates to the bottom, where five pikemen and five archers are all waiting with readied actions. While the party tank is busy re-enacting Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Wizard had about 2 HP at the end of that surprise round.

That's not all though! From behind the rest of the party on the stairs phased out four ghostly crossbowmen from the walls. They took aim and fired spectral shots that turned solid. Didn't do any damage on a hit, no no, it was something far more sinister.

"You are knocked prone and begin falling down the stairs as well."

By the end of the day we had declared the stairs to be the ultimate boss of the campaign. Especially me, since my paladin rolled down roughly half before successfully making his saving throw. There were no devious traps, the actual fighting was straightforward, and the enemies were weak to three different members of the party.

Yet those stairs made this encounter the closest we came to a Total Party Kill. And hell if we weren't laughing the entire time.

Kamak · **Posted:** Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:05 pm

Just remembered this gem when my friends wanted me to do a RUCKY Day RP for them.

Quote:

[2/13/2013 9:53:09 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Bloop.
[2/13/2013 9:53:15 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Everyone fucks everyone else.
[2/13/2013 9:53:20 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Juniper gets it all.
[2/13/2013 9:53:24 PM] Luigi is Number 3: THE END.
[2/13/2013 9:53:43 PM] bitchpants: perfect
[2/13/2013 9:53:58 PM] hermit gal: *applause*
[2/13/2013 9:58:02 PM] bitchpants: wait a minute
[2/13/2013 9:58:06 PM] bitchpants: even dez got some???
[2/13/2013 9:58:32 PM] enigma lad: obviously not.
[2/13/2013 9:59:39 PM] Luigi is Number 3: I said Everyone.
[2/13/2013 9:59:42 PM] Luigi is Number 3: Dez is no one.
[2/13/2013 10:15:43 PM] missy mope: gdi

Darkin · **Posted:** Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:34 pm

So, I'm an Urban Druid at level 3 with 26 Charisma. So far, this session has had me die, then come back to life by bargaining with Wee-Jas for my soul back. Due to the fact that I have a +21 to Diplomacy. I love this character.

LordSeth · **Posted:** Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:05 pm

Darkin wrote:

So, I'm an Urban Druid at level 3 with 26 Charisma. So far, this session has had me die, then come back to life by bargaining with Wee-Jas for my soul back. Due to the fact that I have a +21 to Diplomacy. I love this character.

It should be noted I was being a terrible DM at the time. I sent a level 1 character who is to fighting what Darkin's is to diplomacy. So the death of Darkin was slightly unfair.

Never gonna do that again. :wink:

Kamak · **Posted:** Sun Mar 24, 2013 11:24 pm

I'm loving the team of idiots that my players have to deal with. EVERY TIME they show up, the dice decide that they're going to fail everything for knowledge.

They managed to get parttime jobs at a Pokemart and were left to run it on their own on the first day. They called TMs "discy-doos", thought the Fire Stone was a Racecar Stone (because it had flames on it like a badass racecar), gave away product for free, and destroyed an expensive piece of equipment used to clean TMs without destroying the TMs. In addition, math is really hard to them, so they use a "calculator" (cash register) to do the math for them.

Later on, when the group thought they were done dealing with the people, they arrived again, in a ship.

Apparently the calculator "printed cheddar", so they used it to buy a ship to give people rides.

I just, how do these people LIVE?

creakyAccordion · **Posted:** Mon Mar 25, 2013 1:44 am

So the DnD club is gonna start playing Only War, which is a Dungeons and Dragons type game where you play as IMPERIAL GUARDSMEN so I am excited as hell

So far we have

Commissar Tutchdik-The 3 foot 8 moe commissar

Piotr the Sanctioned Psyker-A simple psyker who isn't so intelligent because the psychic parts of his brain doesn't leave much room for smart parts

Mordecai the Heavy Gunner-A man who just wants to die for the Emperor and get it over with

and an Ogryn

Shining Charizard · **Posted:** Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:49 pm

Just killed my first party member as DM.

I felt bad about it, but it also felt pretty good. He went from full HP to -22 in a single turn.

Not my fault the boss was a ranger with favored enemy bonuses. (He was built before I knew what races the party would take.)

creakyAccordion · **Posted:** Wed Mar 27, 2013 2:03 am

WELP

Mordecai, by the time we actually started the campaign, was also a mute who wanted a heavy flamer more than anything (this is important folks keep it in mind) so I'm the Psyker right and we're fighting some Orkz in this tunnel and I have this spell called Spontaneous Combustion that I use and I assume you can figure out what it does so toward the very end of the fight our Commissar gets taken out and I'm trying to combust this Ork that's killing Mordecai in close combat and I do it

And the Ork explodes

setting Mordecai on fire

and killing him

so he died in what he always wanted to have

fire

Madican · **Joined:** Sun Feb 20, 2011 8:18 pm **Posts:** 13531

Sometimes I love when the dice come up wrong for me, since my paladin has an INT of 8 and I rarely find genuine ways to RP this.

The story begins with the party in an underground cavern with a small lake, seeking a mutated black dragon. Everyone makes Perception checks including my paladin, who I should mention is glowing enough to illuminate quite a ways around. Natural 1. The party cleric tells me to actually open my eyes when looking around.

The party has just finished slaying the black dragon after it swam about spraying acid, nearly killing the cleric, and generally just being a dragon. It soon dies and the party begins looking for the crown they came for. My paladin, with an INT of 8, reasons that the best place to hide said crown is inside the black dragon after I made a personal roll versus stupidity. Natural 1.

He proceeds to drag the dragon partially onto land and begins hacking and stabbing at the dragon's stomach. The rest of the party figures out what's about to happen and scramble. I'm told to roll a Reflex save and miss it with an 8. The stab squirts out black dragon acid onto my paladin's face.

My paladin wasn't completely without his wits however. He quickly realized the acid was going to do horrible damage to his face if he couldn't get it off the helm. So without a second thought leaps into the water. In full armor. The DM throws me a bone and I roll for an Athletics check to swim. I get a 3.

The rest of the party is treated to the dumbass paladin leaping into the water and sinking like a stone instantly, his glow fading as he sinks. He was saved when the Warforged wizard Howling Walled him back up and onto land. The wizard then commences exploring the bottom of the lake and finds a hidden passage. He comes back up and tells us all to take a swim. I roll again to save versus stupidity. Natural 20.

I guess my paladin can learn after all. He chose not to leap in until preparations were made.

AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Tabletop Tales: Bluffing Bears and Hilarious Hijinks

Who is online