AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Wow Dragoon, that actually works pretty well considering the large speed the universe moves at.

You're invincible, and batman, and go stop crimes. Then Criminals find out who you are, and realize you're invincible BUT YOU CAN STILL FEEL PAIN. So they take turns shooting you with various weapons, and explosive, and performing various other painful acts upon you. FOR MONTHS. And then their successors take over.

I wish i had the power to teleportal and get moar wepons.

Your wish is granted.

You have the power to teleportal and the knowledge to the location of a mass storage of wepons.
As you turn on the teleportal you get super excited and pee a little. Unaware to you the scent of the urine invites some pests.
At this point the teleportal is ready to telespond you to the desired location. As you press the button to be teleportaled you swear you hear a buzzing sound but its probably just a fly and you dismiss it as unimportant. As you become teleportaled you realized something is terebly wrong. The fly has teleprtaled as well, and you are overcomed by the deepest and darked fear surpasses thought and displays itself on your countenance. The fly then starts to disentegrate and you start to feel somewhat tingley. As the teleportal gateway comes to an end you find yourself on the middle of the weapon storehouse. You franticaly scrammble to find a mirror and see the atrocity that god has allowed. Your awesome Metalica T-shirt has changed into a hideous fly print that the mear sight is enough to make you vomit. The sound from the hurls of disgust attract nearby guards who then shoot and wound you in the lower left calf and right thigh. They then rush toward you and turn you over becuse you have collapsed face down and they wish to see the face of the intruder they have stopped. Horror! Absolute disgust! The guards take their fully automatic AK47s and unleash hell on the hideous shirt, killing both you and the disfigured fly-print clothing.
There was no funeral, just a box of ashes sent to a random person on the outskirts of Romania.
The guard were admitted to an insane asylum only to kill themselves by bitting their toungs off after 2 weeks after admittance.

I wish I was the avatar!!!!
And could could bend all the elements as a master!!!

Granted, now society expects you to fix all of the world's problems with ease, but you can't because you're just one person.

I wish I wasn't a picky eater.

Granted. The military takes great interest in your powers and wish to recruit. Not wanting to be a military puppet you refuse. They then decide to capture you. You resist and the violence between you and them escalates until you die by a sniper bullet through the skull.

Dammit, Winchester.

Granted, you die of food poisoning.

I want a beer, specifically a chilled Duvel.

Granted, but your beer is served into a paper cup. Not the kind that holds liquids very well.

I wish my art history essay was finished.

you finish it. You get a passing grade, but because you rushed it sucks booty.
You lose all respect for yourself as an artist and become a folk singer with Beck.
You hate yourself.
You kill Beck.
You respect yourself.
You become a world renown artist and collapse under your genius then plan an elaborate suicide.
You tie a nose to a rock near a cliff by the sea and take poison. You jump off the cliff after catching yourself on fire with the nose around your neck as you try and shot yourself in the head. The nose catching your fall botches up your aim and you shot the rope braking it. You survive the fall into the sea which extinguishes the fire and the shock of the cold water forces you to vomit up the poison. A firefighter takes you to a hospital where you die of hypothermia.

I wish people would actually WISH FOR SOMETHING after corrupting someone else's wish.

Granted, but I'm not the one that will do it.

I wish I had a portal gun and those long fall boots.

Granted. The boots are uncomfortable and the portal gun can only create portals to an alternate universe where everything tastes like anise.


I wish I had a magical bowl that was always filled with fruit.

Granted. You have a bowl that will forever be filled with rotting green beans.

I wish I was John Marston. Depressingly painful death and everything.

Granted.

You are also responsible for killing hundreds of horses.

I wish all humans a pop flyin' ending.

Granted. Puppies and kittens now die by the thousands in the street.

I wish I could find a job that pays well, makes me pop flyin', gets me respect, and doesn't make me tired.