AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Once upon a time there was something.

One day, I saw a bird with a broken wing on the ground, out of the window of my apartment on the third floor. A young boy and his mother also happened to notice it, and the mother used her cell phone to call somebody, presumably the veterinary they take their family dog to or something.

A few minutes later the boy and his mother looked like they were caring for the bird when a tall, disguised man ran up with a semi-automatic pistol pointing at them. He looked thin and starved, and they started exchanging unheard words. I immediately called the police on my cell phone and explained the situation as I ran down the stairs and quickly banged on a couple doors, including the manager's. Nobody there. I went outside as fast, but as careful as possible, to be able to stop the man.

The daylight was bleak and harsh, shining on the woman's and boy's blood. The man had escaped on a motorcycle, but the gunshots had brought the attention of the few neighbors I had. The child and woman had both been shot in the temple. I checked their pulses. Dead, of course.

I thought about getting into my car and chasing after the man for a moment, but then the police arrived on the scene. I gave them a description of the man and his motorcycle. He was caught relatively quickly.

I have vague memories of testifying in court. The man confessed all his crimes. It turns out he was a serial killer, and the woman and child were his wife and son.

I wonder what happened to the bird. Police evidence, I suppose.

Well written as far as being descriptive and organized, but the story lacked a little something something.

These are some pretty entertaining stories, guys, very inspiring.
Thing is, I don't feel too strongly about the way I write so I'll spare you.

eh, i was trying to give it a feeling of vague dislocation.

Write or Die

You set yourself to type out a certain amount of words in a certain amount of minutes, and then when you stop writing horrible noises come on.

It's useful.

That sounds awesome.

Except alt+F4.

Well that defeats the point of the practice.

Okay, This is the prologue/first chapter of a story I'm working on. The grammar will not always be correct, as it is through the voice of the main character. However, I'm sure that there are stupid spelling errors in here that I missed. Feel free to point those out to me.





Wake up Hunter. This is no time to be sleeping, mourning, or feeling sorry for yourself.

“But I want to stay here. This feeling of peace is a nice change.”

You don’t deserve peace, Hunter. If you are going to abandon those that you were supposed to guard, then you deserve to die a thousand deaths far more painful and sorrowful than the one that you are trying to hold onto now.

“Wait…” He looked up to see a young woman who held a haunting beauty. Her dull black wings and ebony hair covered her nakedness while her dark and empty eyes stared blankly into the nothingness of purgatory. Her pale lips did not move to bring her words forth as her voice echoed on its own.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

You are dying of insanity, Hunter.


[size=24]CHAPTER ONE[/size]

The dark rain falls from the sky in a blinding sheet of grey, dulling the view of this predominantly Spanish town. The dark, unused alley fills with the roar of a monster, combined with the static of the rain slapping against the dark and cracked pavement and the hissing and rumbling of the wind scraping at the worn walls of these unused buildings. I fire off a shot of four bullets from The Law without aiming. I hit my mark, as always.

Of freakin’ course. The one place that I decide to stop and rest, a demon shows up. It’s probably here to exact its revenge on me for killing one of its brethren or something. Like I care. Well, time to get to work.

“You won’t get away from me, Hunter!” the demon cries as it stands back for a moment, trying to let its mutilated face mend.

“And yet, I plan to!” I yawn. Lame comeback, I know. I try to sense its level of Fire. No luck. It has its strength under lock and key. I can’t get a grasp on it, but maybe Reaper can.

I pull the massive, blood red blade from behind my shoulder. Yes, I wear my sword while I sleep. If you dealt with the same crap as me, you’d be paranoid too.

Reaper hums at me in annoyance as she scolds me for not sensing the demon’s Fire to begin with. It’s obvious that she thinks I’m an idiot. Yeah, well she should have woken me up if it was so easy to taste the Hellfire.

I swing the sword in a tight arc, allowing her to breathe before she transforms into the dark and bloody scythe that will consume Hellfire.

The demon lets out a roar that would make any other man piss himself. I, however, am to much of a desensitized booty to care. I just swing Reaper toward the demon in a deliberately sloppy fashion, testing to see how aware it still is, seeing as having your face blown of can make your senses have this nasty bad habit of abandoning you.

The demon dodges and laughs. With what’s left of its mouth, it taunts, “Is this the best that you can do, Hunter? I was warned to fear your power--demon-slaying power beyond that of any mortal man…but that’s all you are, isn’t it? I pathetic human playing an immortal’s game, just biding his time until he joins his jailers in Hell!”

As humbling as that speech must be, it’s a waste of time. I don’t care what it has to say if it doesn’t involve cheddar.

The demon seems to sense this and then opts to what I was cautious about from the time that I noticed its Fire was guarded. Well, it’s not guarded anymore, because it screams at me, “Now BURN!!!” then pulls an Unleash, letting its Fire loose.

Crap, that means that it’s at least a Class D, and that it thinks that it can win.

An Unleash is a fatal last resort. A last call, if you will. It is something that only demons and witches can do, and in my experience, they only get one chance to use it. It allows you to bring your Fire into a physical form and direct all your strength at once. This does seem useful, yes, but it also leaves you slightly vulnerable at the same time, because there’s no telling what will happen when you put your entire being into an attack.

The demon is now encased in a dark and haunting beauty as the black flames hide its hideous body. It sends an arc of the dark fire at me, attempting to consume my life. I jump up and grab the railing of the balcony on the abandoned carnicería behind me. I twist up and around to plant my feet on the grated floor or the balcony and stairway. I’m too slow, though, because the Hellfire just barely catches the hem of my coat, hungry for my soul--the soul of the monster who has locked away so many of its brethren back into damnation.

After a brief moment of surprise, I catch up the Hellfire in my right hand as it leaves the dark, coarse fabric of my coat untouched. I jump toward the demon with Reaper at the ready in my left hand. I bring the bloody scythe down onto the demon as it stares in horror at the piece of its soulless life that I hold in my hand.

Just what I was hoping for. The demon’s Unleash is extinguished and it falls to its knees. It pleads something to whatever lord it claims to serve, shortly before it is beheaded by Reaper, who eagerly drinks up the remaining Hellfire from the demon’s blood. I look down at the Fire in my hand, and extinguish it, listening to its final screams as the Hellfire’s wind comes for me, refilling me with the supernatural breath that makes me ageless.

I am the Hunter--the Hunter of demons, immortality, and whatever the hell I feel like getting paid for.

As soon as the Breath is past, I turn around, searching the shadows of the empty and ruined street. “Haven’t seen you for a while.” I walk toward my audience. “How long you been there?”

“Long enough to know you’re who I’m looking for,” she informs me.

I just nod and pull a cigarette out of my pocket before sticking it in my mouth and searching for my matches. After a few seconds of failure, I give up and hold my hand out expectantly. She stares at me for a brief moment of confusion, until I explain succinctly, “Gimme a light.”

“What’s the magic word?” she asks, irritated as she digs her lighter out of her purse.

“NOW.” I snatch the lighter from her hand and flick it open.

“How long since you had a smoke?”

“Too daisies long.”

“Ah. A full twenty minutes, eh?”

“Yep.” I breathe out the smoke, a sense of contentment filling me. “Now, what does rich-bitch Vivian Redstone want with the Hunter?”

She leans forward, showing off her magnificent chest in what has to be a deliberate manner as she informs me, “My husband needs you to pick up a package from the Abandon--what else?”

Ah, Vivian. Let me explain a few things about her. She used to be a whore back in the day, and quite a heartbreaker whenever she pretended to settle for a man. The beauty of a lady later decided to stay with Xane Redstone, one of the few pretty boys who lives on Angel’s Row. I can tell you that let down quite a few of the men all over the Presidential State. Now she’s more of a look-but-don’t-touch item, which she takes full advantage of.

I can feel my eyes drifting downward every time I try to look her in the eye. I force myself to focus on the first thought that came to mind when she mentioned a job. “First and foremost, how much am I getting paid for this?”

“500,000 Rin.”

Man, this woman is looking more and more beautiful by the word. I let out a low whistle. “That’s quite a bit of cheddar, there, princess. In fact, if my incredibly impressive math skills serve correct, that should even get me outta my debt and feed me for a week!”

Don’t ask me how I managed to build up that much debt. It’s a long story.

She gives me a sultry smile as she pretends to break a nail and starts lightly nibbling at the end of her index finger. Okay, now she’s just messin’ with me. That‘s not cool. “I know full well what it will do to the state of your finances.”

“Right then. Next up, why do you need me? Why not some other mercenary or bounty hunter?”

She laughs, her smooth voice sounding like music. “Trust me, you’re the only one who can pull this off. And before you ask your third question, all I can tell you about the Assignment is that it should be the last thing standing--besides you, of course.”

Huh, interesting. That actually wasn’t my next question at all. “Actually, I was going to ask if that was a new dress.”

Vivian’s face instantly lights up with a genuine smile and blush. “Why, yes! I’m surprised you noticed! Do you like it?”

I pretend to think for a moment. Then I settle for, “You look like a prostitute.”

The smile instantly drops from her face. “Jackass.”

Why thank you, princess. I try my best. Anyway, back to business. “Half a million?”

She nods.

“Just tell me where to go, and I’m there, princess!”

i will read this in the morning. i am too out of it right now to comprehend stuff.

and yes ame you do.

Yeah. I went back and read through this thread. I really liked what Ame wrote. And what Bacon wrote.

durr hearts

Okay, when Sloth told me sort of what it was about before I read it, I was a little hesitant, but I thought that the writing was excellent.

but i don't want to steal riku's thunderrr

OKAY I READ IT


i like it, i think it's a good premise. i am excited for the next chapter~



but, do you mind a little critique?